When I try to quit junk food By Lewis - 08/12/2018 18:00 I'm not a quitter! agreeclassic 281 vote type 1 94 Share Tweet Share
Today, as usual, I went to pick up my brother and sister from school in the rain. When we got to my truck, I realized I had locked us out. We had to walk home in the rain, only to find the spare house key had not been put back in its spot since the last time it was used. FML agreeclassic 18 742 vote type 1 2 920
Today, my son's hamster died. It was overweight and got stuck in its plastic tube. My 6 year old son came downstairs to me smashing a plastic tube with a dead hamster in it on the kitchen table. He thinks I killed it. FML agreeclassic 36 652 vote type 1 5 246
Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML agreeclassic 875 vote type 1 346
Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML agreeclassic 1 460 vote type 1 320
Today, while driving to work, some asshole stopped sharply on the 60 mph highway because he almost hit the car in front of him. Even with maintaining my distance, and slamming on the brakes, I still ruined the front end of my car on his dented bumper. I haven't even had the car for a year, and I'm still the one at fault. FML agreeclassic 532 vote type 1 1 032
Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML agreeclassic 34 153 vote type 1 3 700
Yup that's me when there is white chocolate in the house 😋