Kids: Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 324

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 126

08/05/2009 03:02

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 920

You deserved it 16 461

Mama's boy

Another great day to be alive

Phantom pooper

14/11/2012 07:18

Spicy

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 992

You deserved it 4 635

19/08/2011 21:57

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 004

You deserved it 4 511

14/01/2013 17:58

Spicy

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 861

You deserved it 9 984

03/12/2009 00:34

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 441

You deserved it 3 367

10/08/2019 16:00

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom. Apparently, my seeking medicinal treatments for my cancer is blasphemous. According to her, I should just pray my cancer away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 465

You deserved it 99

09/09/2009 01:33

Today, I realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say "Juicy" on the ass. My name is John. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 352

You deserved it 53 598

13/07/2018 19:00

Today, one day after our 12-year wedding anniversary, which my husband failed to acknowledge, I found a receipt in his pocket for chlamydia testing. We haven't had sex in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 163

You deserved it 967

11/11/2010 17:46

Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 283

You deserved it 8 503

Baked

By non-baker - 18/03/2015 02:12

Today, I baked a cake for when my mum came home. I did everything I needed to do and put it in the oven, set the timer and went to do some things around the house. When my mum came home, she asked why there was a uncooked cake mix sitting in the oven. I forgot to turn the oven on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 057

You deserved it 8 985

12/01/2017 17:09

Today, I had to remove my brother's pubic hairs from the bathtub before bathing my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 351

You deserved it 750

04/03/2012 03:09

Today, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family. I got stuck trying to decide whether I should get the fajitas or the tacos. I ended up getting the tacos because I didn't want the fajitas to come in sizzling, and I didn't want to "make a scene". My social anxiety has hit a new low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 612

You deserved it 6 239

23/08/2010 23:31

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 275

You deserved it 53 911

26/05/2009 16:53

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 214

You deserved it 20 092

08/07/2009 14:37

Today, I overdrew my account and ended up paying an extra 35 bucks for a 1.99 item. It was an application on the iPhone that is supposed to help me keep track of my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 662

You deserved it 52 690

20/03/2009 08:14

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 109

You deserved it 14 797

30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5am to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 048

You deserved it 608

23/01/2010 19:12

Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 420

You deserved it 59 900

11/09/2015 13:50

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 036

You deserved it 2 978

06/04/2009 07:40

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 363

You deserved it 13 519

20/06/2011 02:17

Today, I spent 2 hours making the perfect card for my dad for Father's Day. When I handed it to him, he smiled and said "Thank you" and then killed a fly with it. I found it in the trash a couple of hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 294

You deserved it 4 282

11/06/2011 22:36

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 196

You deserved it 7 291

Use your socks

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 05:01

Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 196

10/05/2019 04:00

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 307

Last trip

By cap - 09/12/2019 01:00

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 283

Murderer!

By Puppy_Killer - 16/12/2020 23:02

Today, I was backing out of my garage when my neighbour's collie ran behind my car. Unfortunately, I didn't see it, but I heard a thump. They were out, so I rushed him to the vet's. I was upset, and I guess I was driving too fast and didn't see that another dog was crossing the road. I killed two dogs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 387

06/08/2014 16:57

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 358

You deserved it 4 307

11/11/2008 06:53

Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed in my best outfit. At the the lunch break my boss told me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 720

You deserved it 5 890

25/01/2009 04:25

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 205

You deserved it 2 706

27/09/2016 17:37

Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 942

You deserved it 3 008

17/03/2019 18:00

Today I took my dogs to the off leash dog park as usual. Today some dick decided to feed my pup alcohol while I was cleaning up after my other dog. Now my pup is sick and the vet is worried he may not survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 332

You deserved it 210

17/10/2010 16:52

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 262

You deserved it 6 161

05/02/2010 19:01

Spicy

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't answer his phone last night. He was hanging out with our mutual friend all night. She had been texting me all night about what great sex she was having. My boyfriend was the only person there besides her brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 280

You deserved it 2 797

12/03/2015 01:50

Today, I went running. I live in a small town and people know me fairly well. It was dark when I went to avoid the heat. I was almost finished with my run when the cop comes up and asks me what I'm running from. Clearly being fat and out of shape is not a good enough alibi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 260

You deserved it 2 570

03/05/2019 18:00

Today, I met my new psychologist for the first time. Expecting it to be someone I wouldn’t know, the door opens and out walks a man I hooked up with once. What makes it worse was he pissed my bed that night. I never called him back or spoke to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 231

01/07/2009 02:39

Spicy

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 668

You deserved it 19 759

Fun

By :$. - 06/07/2012 21:30

Today, my boyfriend came to a family barbecue. I guess my dad heard him talking about the "fun" we'd be having later, because over the next two hours, he tripped my boyfriend up on concrete, threw a beer can at him, and sprayed him full-force with a water hose. All "accidentally" of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 780

You deserved it 7 597

Ironic

By AnotherCrazyCatLady - 17/06/2021 09:31

Today, I found out that I have Dysarthria, a condition where you can't pronounce certain words. I can't even pronounce the condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 49

03/11/2016 20:41

Today, weeks after I paid extra for faster shipping, I received confirmation that my paperwork for overseas voting has been received. Too bad the deadline in my state was yesterday. Thanks, Postal Service, for the consistency of your failures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 725

You deserved it 816

31/12/2012 03:51

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 908

You deserved it 9 017

Zoomed out

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 23:00

Today, I had a low blood sugar attack and almost passed out during class while over Zoom, which my professor then decided to bring attention to by calling me out for "sighing" about the research paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 145

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Top comments

papertigers_fml 0

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:14

see, this is why we can't have nice things.

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:20

How is it fake? The dad could have thought he was hitting on his daughter. @OP: that was still a very sweet thing to do. :)

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papertigers_fml 0

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:14

see, this is why we can't have nice things.

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Monday 1 March 2010 4:52

no good deed goes unpunished. that was really very thoughtful of you. I wish someone did that for me. way to be OP

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Thursday 17 June 2010 4:24

haha! I guess OP learned not to mess with girls when their fathers are around. YDI for not knowing that in the first place?

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Tuesday 22 June 2010 5:15

u are very beautiful wheatie

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Monday 28 June 2010 9:42

lol 196 I was going to do that

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Sunday 10 July 2011 15:07

um he was trying to brighten up her day because he's gentleman enough to understand every girl deserves to feel beautiful? her dad took it too seriously . but good job OP :)

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Saturday 26 November 2011 12:52

Kind of depends on how old the OP is. I could understand the dad if OP's some middle aged guy compared to the young girl.

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Sunday 3 February 2013 18:11

good job op, that was cute (:

taylorchasewhite 0

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:14

thats so fake. nobody actually acts like that, come on...

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:20

How is it fake? The dad could have thought he was hitting on his daughter. @OP: that was still a very sweet thing to do. :)

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Thursday 11 February 2010 2:12

the world needs more people like the op and less people like the dad and most of the Jack asses commenting on here. you know who you are

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Thursday 6 September 2012 4:14

Yeah, but the dad shouldn't have punched OP in the face. That's assault.

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:20

I say YDI. Maybe she needed to hear that, but not from a complete stranger with her dad right there. There's a time and a place, and you picked the creepier of both of those options.

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:22

That COULD be taken as creepy, but really. I don't think that calls for a punch. That was sweet of you. (:

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:30

At comment number 4: Sure, she definitely needed to hear that, but I'd have to disagree with the "There's a time and a place" comment. They were in a restaurant, and the OP would have little chance of ever seeing this girl again. You can't blame him.

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:30

So you butted in to some strangers' family business? YDI.

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Tuesday 13 April 2010 5:07

he was JUST tryingna ta na be niiiceee

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:31

Nice thing to do dude, bad luck that she had a prick of a father.

mich23 10

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:32

He probably just thought you were a pedophile XD sux 4 u tho

Blanadestroyer 0

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Friday 8 May 2009 12:34

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

kct101 18

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Thursday 19 February 2015 16:40

there are many girls who are extremely beautiful but are insecure about it, not to mention you may have a different view of beauty than another person. everyone has a different outlook on the subject.