Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
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Top comments
pixiebubz 26
And you plan on doing this for how long...?
jakk_mehoff 4
if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet
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Comments (266)
pixiebubz 26
And you plan on doing this for how long...?
abouttosleep 5
Until he is suspicious at how many times she goes to corner stores
rhaemese 9
Until he realizes that he has to go to another place to pee because he over fills the toilet.
Trisha_aus 15
Oh please most blokes I know clog the toilet, op can't keep living like this. Your bf should know that girls poop..and fart and..list goes on..
JohnBoyFsYL 10
15- WHAT?!
LO388 7
It's all about the safety flush OP.
1awliet 8
Does OP plan on clogging the toilets in the corner store as well?
gojira666 7
Use less TP?
trolololololol92 0
14- wait! GIRLS POOP???? OOOHHH MYY GOD!
elidine 0
She mostly poops at night.... Mostly....
Rhysviri 10
Prunes, OP?
bigmackin35 0
15-girls don't poop it's a government conspiracy
Qandol 26
My question is, where would she go in the middle of the night when she have to go for number 2?
Ozone1232 5
Who flushes?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Hey, when I'm at school I usually crap in the nurse's office. If I drop a stinker in the normal bathroom, I don't want neighboring classes to smell it then see me come out of the bathroom. :C plus the nurse's bathroom is a single bathroom. And it's also cleaner and has better toilet paper.
Lil_Red777 21
#153 that's just way too much into.
Lil_Red777 21
info** sorry hit the wrong word
ladyLALAA 29
I don't think clogging the toilet is that normal hey. If this happens to your regularly you should probably think of changing your diet a bit, or taking some supplements to help regulate bowel movements.
TheVelocirabbit 10
You're right. All of us girls don't actually "dump the truck". It has been hidden by the FBI for 50+ years that they can rewire the human body so they can't crap. They secretly gave pills to women so that would happen. It is ineffective for men, and they are currently working on that... Don't be surprised if you wake up with an extra arm.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
153- first of all, how would anyone in other classes see you unless they're constantly looking out the door, second I doubt the stench would reach that far- you'd probably just stink up the whole bathroom, and third you must take gigantic ***** for it to smell that bad
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Well, I was exaggerating a little. I just like the nurse's better because there isn't a line. And you don't know how the school is set up. There are two classrooms on each side where the students face somewhat toward the door. And one classroom across where students do the same. And teachers usually have doors propped open. And I found that when students hear footsteps outside the door, they'll glance up to see if it's someone they know. So chill your balls, 208.
Abdul888 16
14- OMG, girls POOP!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been licking that hole for months thinking it's so clean and nothing comes out of it!!! Ouch I feel disgusted now after I've licked a lot :(
petraphotoDOTca 6
tmi.....
CheesecakeTaco 3
You phat *****... What the hell do you eat? And think you're special cause you use the nurse's bathroom. I bet they suffocate in there with your stink bomb, then they have to clean your shit up...
AKGirlinSD 20
1, Until she realizes to flush once or twice, during her business, so the toilet doesn't clog. She shouldn't be embarrassed. Everybody poops :-o!
reneetlovesyou 30
OP, I'm going to assume you and your boyfriend are pretty serious if you're now living together. I don't think that's something you should have to hide. Couples are supposed to work together to find solutions you wouldn't otherwise come up with on your own. Even said problem is your irregular bowel movements.
supbabes 0
Lmao get over it!
boofgall 16
Flush while you're ********!
HollyDolly660 8
It might not be the amount, so much as the width.... Ow.
mightymart 5
Nice Photoshop
Thursday737 7
104's comment made me lol so hard.
rhaemese 9
And the stores aren't?
zandalee 20
I bet you get out of bed at the crack of dawn to put on a full face of makeup too... There comes a time in every relationship where you just have to show yourself warts and all. If your bf can't handle that... Move on.
rhaemese 9
Preach it!
zandalee 20
Will get off my soap box now... Was getting dizzy up there.
IQWasJustLowered 0
200 that moment occurs after marriage.
JBChristian 47
#233, that's the dumbest time to start showing your true self.
tmaq973 7
What happens when he wants to try anal?
pandm101 0
This is a legitimate question.
fordman22 0
Pushinnnn it in lol
noisebox 1
And you know he will ......
shots1996 8
Goes in white. Comes out brown...
broadwaybrian 2
Haha
aleeshttylXD 9
Eewwww lol XD #112, I'm eating vanilla fudge icecream :P
nancyschmancy 9
She can tell him no. Anal sex is not a requirement for a healthy relationship. My question is? Why not get a plunger and unclog the damn toilet herself before coming out? He wouldn't know, or care.
xNephilim 19
Anal sex isn't dirty unless you're being too rough anyway, especially if you've, um, cleared out the passage way before you go at it.
erockinthesuburb 17
Everybody poops, sometimes...
i_canlickmyelbow 3
I don't poop.
ladyLALAA 29
5, I thumbed you up I hope you were ripping off that everybody hurts song, that's how I read it in my head...
zojieeu 6
But she is like "full of shit" man!!!
missalkali 8
54, I did the same thing. and now it's stuck inside my head and it won't go away!!
DanielleinDC 34
That's how I read it too. Gaaaahhh!!!
TheApocalypse 5
54, 161: there's actually a children's book called everybody poops. Read it sometime.
AKGirlinSD 20
251, My sister is a teacher and has it in her classroom. Each year, her third graders are required to read it on the first day of school haha.
curlyfry33 8
I don't know about pooping, but Yoshi I know farts
jakk_mehoff 4
if ur taking that big of a dump maybe its time to change your diet
drewnewton 0
or try taking more dumps throughout the day but for sure a diet change
tennisrapper1 14
They say that your diet makes who you are. Right now, OP is just a bunch of burritos and hot sauce.
Zedd_fml 8
Flush more often, problem solved.
epokryfky 0
Exactly
Inheritance 10
50- how does taking more dumps change the fact that she produces large amount of crap?
jenniferunicorn 5
then theyre seperated. and since when theyre seperated theyre smaler "portions" , the toilet wont clog up
Temi25 6
Try to get a bigger toilet
Psychology_13 8
Or chop up your poop in a blender before flushing! Just don't use the blender for food no more! c):{
The_Thinker 18
That's got to be an extremely shitty situ- *gets stoned to death*
reallytho3 11
*plays taps*
flashback.miss 28
RIP, The_Thinker and OP, I can understand getting used to a new place to call home, going out of your way for the toilet is very extreme. If you're that worried simply take extra care to clean out the toilet.
ObsessedWithGays 7
Aw, when I saw your name I was hoping that you were actually going to reply in lyrics. :c
flashback.miss 28
read my profile... *sympathy pat*
seasonedtoast 19
Does he not wonder where you are scurrying off to all the time?
EnzaiFreak 1
He may think she's cheating in him.
jizzwold 21
Cheating in him? Damn those tiny fairies always stealing our women from inside us!
igive 29
what if she has to poop twice in one day? how will she explain that?
a7xinsane 5
I appreciate your use of the word scurrying.
seasonedtoast 19
I assume someone who needs to poop and has to hold on until they get to the corner store would most definitely be scurrying.
day624 14
Get a plunger, some air freshener and Lysol. Turn on the vent fan for some noise while your going and voila your problems are solved! Also dont you think the corner store owners will start to notice how often THEIR toilets get clogged and pay more attention to whose using there bathrooms?
craphappened 4
Muffle the sounds by putting a piece of toilet paper on the water in the bowl too! Helps a lot.
Arieah 17
Yeah but in turn that would clog the toilet more...
craphappened 4
Just a piece wouldn't hurt.
sporty1200xlr 6
craphappened, your name is perfect for this FML.
missyj0 12
Lysol and the smell of poop is not a good mix.
StrangeDuckling 9
GENIUS!! I was thinking the same thing, so great minds think alike!!
WhatIsThatSmell 3
Flush in between!
zappo1214 2
Srsly. It's not that hard you guys.
crazydudefrom90s 10
This guy knows
CaramelMacchiato 13
I know some people who do that. I tried that once, and it feels really weird. To me it feels like your "waste" is sprinkling onto your buttocks :P
suncifir 6
You have a weird toilet then
SloppyFlamingo 4
It's not that hard to spell out seriously..
KiddNYC1O 22
15 is right. Don't let that sucker curl up.
1crabbygirl 10
Yes, the courtesy flush. Named so because of its uncanny ability to also keep odor down.
KiddNYC1O 22
Ah, yes, true. ^
2specialangels 3
flush in between - that's exactly what I was going to say, lol.