Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He... - FML

By Hotsauce887 - 29/3/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70138

You deserved it

25592

Tweet

Share

Tense

Inspirational tale

TMI

By anonymous - 10/11/2015 22:15 - Czech Republic

Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his tazer at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tazed him for acting aggressively. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30581

You deserved it

1740

Tweet

Share

By Fail - 21/11/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45749

You deserved it

2993

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/3/2011 16:07 - Canada

Today, I went on a dinner date with the guy I like. He ate all his food then started eating off my plate, going on to eat over half of my food. When the bill came, he made me pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40095

You deserved it

7422

Tweet

Share

By myBFsucks - 5/10/2011 04:16 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50197

You deserved it

7503

Tweet

Share

By LeaveTheGuyAlone - 29/7/2013 00:18 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my girlfriend hasn't really been "researching" for work on the Internet; she's actually been tweeting the same pathetic plea to a guy from One Direction asking him to "follow" her. She's 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45346

You deserved it

5071

Tweet

Share

By Z - 9/4/2011 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31343

You deserved it

3002

Tweet

Share

By maddy - 21/1/2009 17:03 - France

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22715

You deserved it

2598

Tweet

Share

By Hooker - 28/3/2013 23:58 - United States

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48898

You deserved it

20488

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/9/2020 05:02

Might never happen, love

Today, I was blocked by a girl I like. She said I was mean for not understanding why she hates when people tell her to smile. I worked as a waiter and hated when people told me to smile all the time. Yet I'm the one who doesn't understand, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1025

You deserved it

260

Tweet

Share

By Breanne - 14/7/2011 15:25 - Canada

Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26174

You deserved it

2302

Tweet

Share

By sashimieater - 31/5/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34243

You deserved it

14588

Tweet

Share

By Forever Alone - 14/6/2016 09:26

Today, I was talking to my mum about how I'd quite like to have kids someday. She responded: "Well, nowadays they let singles adopt as well, don't they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

14428

You deserved it

1210

Tweet

Share

By BrokeAndSad - 30/3/2015 01:09 - United States - Columbus

Today, I lost hundreds of dollars in gift cards. Robbed? No. Mugged? Don't think so. My roommate threw them away after he got water on them, thinking that it rendered them unusable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32374

You deserved it

2578

Tweet

Share

By AngrySon - 29/9/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I cleaned out the fridge for my mother. I didn't throw out a single thing that was less than a month past its expiration. Instead of thanks, she complained about everything that I threw away being still good, including a tub of butter that had been expired for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29229

You deserved it

2569

Tweet

Share

By Dmessmer1 - 5/6/2016 08:37 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he can get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13012

You deserved it

1700

Tweet

Share

By ally - 3/2/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45063

You deserved it

8480

Tweet

Share

By Winchesterlover - 5/2/2011 18:41 - United States

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35721

You deserved it

8820

Tweet

Share

By pootie - 11/12/2013 13:14 - United States - Miami

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46481

You deserved it

7532

Tweet

Share

By Bride to be - 19/5/2017 10:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2850

You deserved it

215

Tweet

Share

By Kate - 23/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38842

You deserved it

8928

Tweet

Share

By wellfuckyoutoo - 24/11/2015 17:45 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26592

You deserved it

1741

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/7/2009 08:05 - Poland

Today, I was at the Polish border when I found my passport was gone. I contacted the last place I stayed at and the owner said he would handle it. I reluctantly agreed as I was being charged international rates. Apparently, "taking care of it" means telling the embassy I'm retarded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38407

You deserved it

6227

Tweet

Share

By Rowaelin16 - 23/8/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18787

You deserved it

1449

Tweet

Share

By Jacquelinez - 20/5/2012 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27953

You deserved it

3092

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/6/2010 13:24 - Tanzania United Republic of

Today, I was driving along when I saw a hot girl walking. I decided to impress her by doing a 180 degree turn. Successfully pulling off my trick, I decided to back up so I could go the right way. Not looking behind, I backed up and smashed into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8777

You deserved it

65793

Tweet

Share

By Frauded - 17/12/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend of two years is a wanted man in the state of Texas, and was living under a fake identity for the past three years. What is he wanted for? Rampant identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33961

You deserved it

3005

Tweet

Share

By sashimi9999 - 7/2/2014 01:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50151

You deserved it

5860

Tweet

Share

By SadAndCold - 11/10/2020 07:01 - United Kingdom - London

Pull your shit together, Bezos

Today, my Amazon delivery was delayed. I just moved to a new place and that delivery had my pillow and blanket. I can't go buy them in person since I'm self-isolating and the heating isn't working either. Guess I'm sleeping in the freezing cold on the bare mattress one more night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1047

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By HellaBomber91 - 20/11/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11044

You deserved it

40515

Tweet

Share

By fired tomoz - 29/10/2014 15:46 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I woke up to a text from my manager, saying "Hed's up dude, ur gettin fired tomoz. CEO's pissed. No hard feelins m8". Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36675

You deserved it

2993

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/3/2015 03:52 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, it was my first day working as a dental assistant, leaving me in charge of all cleaning. The first patient was so scared, he peed his pants. Which might have been understandable if he hadn't been a fully grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27386

You deserved it

2452

Tweet

Share

By notout - 17/10/2017 15:00

Today, my 28-year-old brother screamed at me and outed me to our very religious, homophobic parents because I wouldn't let him shock his friend with an electric dog collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4304

You deserved it

423

Tweet

Share

By andrie09 - 7/7/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44211

You deserved it

3052

Tweet

Share

By dogh8er - 18/12/2011 19:31 - United States

Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26047

You deserved it

3509

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 22:16 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37520

You deserved it

3085

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 17:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10427

You deserved it

65344

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/4/2013 22:06 - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45300

You deserved it

4747

Tweet

Share

By Stephanie - 14/7/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10513

You deserved it

60045

Tweet

Share

By justmyluck5150 - 17/10/2016 17:58 - United States

Today, I told the doctor that one of my ribs sticks out farther than the other. When I lifted my shirt to show him, he immediately laughed and said, "Whoa, that's not subtle is it!" As if I wasn't already insecure about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11095

You deserved it

824

Tweet

Share

By yourstruly - 11/2/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26488

You deserved it

2328

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By missclash | 0

#68563 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:26

smart.

By jennaleigh | 0

#68574 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:28

I look forward to hearing about your Darwin Award.

COMMENTS

By Sunako_fml | 9

#68544 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:23

Ouch..

Reply

vollyball921 | 0

#980406 - Friday 16 April 2010 16:57

HAHA nothin says happy birthday better then tht!

By missclash | 0

#68563 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:26

smart.

By Meow34 | 0

#68569 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:27

...no comment.

Reply

GrammarNazi722 | 0

#1059175 - Saturday 3 July 2010 20:03

By saying "...no comment," you are commenting. Way to go!

Reply

chetchatter | 5

#1852231 - Thursday 16 December 2010 7:53

#3.... u fail

Reply

DaDezza244 | 31

#4994420 - Tuesday 2 October 2012 4:56

#3 Oh the Irony of your comment!

By jennaleigh | 0

#68574 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:28

I look forward to hearing about your Darwin Award.

Reply

Radon210 | 1

#426785 - Saturday 25 July 2009 3:07

Agree completely

By xMooMoox | 0

#68575 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:28

I moderated this one because it was either crazy or someone put some though into it!

Lol

By pb_fml | 0

#68578 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:29

Ahaha fuego!

Double FYL, being embarassed, AND your hat catching on fire.

Hopefully the dessert was good.

By dancin303 | 0

#68582 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:30

were you okay?...i hope your hair didnt catch on fire

fyl-ouch thats embarresing

ydi-because never lean forward wiht somethng large on your head (or even with your hair down) into a table that has a flame idiot

and #3, that is a comment

By Amkii | 0

#68584 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:30

LOL!!

#4 - I love you! That comment is WIN.

By woofer_fml | 0

#68585 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:30

hey, now here's the positive side to it.

everyone knows that your the flamer of the group.

By may_cause_fail | 0

#68591 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:31

Rofl at 9.

At least you got free stuff! :D