By Anonymous

Overreaction much?

Today, my boyfriend's mum yelled at me for, "nagging Stephen to get married when he isn't ready." I mentioned marriage once. At my sister's wedding. When prompted by my grandmother. FML

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Serious times

Broken bum

Insane parents

By mom2010 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me that he doesn't think cheating is a big deal because everybody does it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML

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By Silentshdw13 - United States - Arlington

Today, after moving back in with my parents, I found out they had held on to a chunk of mail still being sent during the time I had been changing my old address. Included was a summons to jury duty. FML

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By monkeycannon7 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

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By ohhi_itsme123 - United States

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

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By unluckiestperson - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my very expensive and beautiful smelling perfume attracts wasps. Whenever I go out, wherever I am, I am followed by multiple wasps. FML

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By boop snoop - United States

Today, the power at work was out. This would be fine, if they didn’t make me stay for another hour to wait for it to come back on in the Texas heat. FML

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By Megan

Weren't there two girls?

Today, I was at my boyfriend's in a back room that wasn’t connected to the main house. I really had to pee, but neither of us wanted to go into the house, so he told me to just go outside in a cup. I ended up having diarrhea in a cup in my boyfriend's backyard. FML

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By whitedevil - United States

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

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By Mr Pippin

Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML

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By BigToe - United States

Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

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By Sarah-grace - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

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By maddy - United States

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

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By JT - Canada

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bradenton

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got in an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

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By Bisounours - France

Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

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By BadLuckLad - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

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By fmll - Norway

Today, my boyfriend texted me and said I had forgotten my blue bra. I don't have any blue bras. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML

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By Jules

Today, the first day of school, I threw up on my teacher in the middle of class. FML

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By blew it

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend, only while I was down there I noticed he had an ungodly amount of dick cheese under his foreskin. He’s now mad at me for blueballing him, even though he’s clearly the one at fault for being a filthy pig. FML

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By Madridsta - United States - Rialto

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

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By Entheatus - Canada

Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend let it slip that he thinks of my best friend when he masturbates because he like to have the "freedom and variety." FML

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By rawrrrr - United States

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

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By notsoproudfather - India - Pune

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

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By MoMoneyMoProblems - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

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By Maddii1112 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

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By lalala - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

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By Cyberdeeder

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

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By HappinessOrOrgasms - United States - Tucson

Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

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By awk1 - United States - Glennville

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

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By school issues - United States

Today, I found out I'm failing school. Why am I failing? Because I work 60 hours a week. Why do I work 60 hours a week? To pay for school. FML

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By wtfrelationship - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend over MSN that we had to talk. I log on to facebook and the first thing I see is that she changed our relationship from "In a Relationship" to "It's Complicated." FML

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By hopeless

Today, is my birthday. Everyone forgot except my stalker. He rang the door bell the second it turned 12:00. FML

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By ILoveFML - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

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Top comments

By Sady_Ct | 37

#7849482 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 12:12

She wants him to be a mamma’s boy, either that or he already is one.

By stickyface | 8

#7849500 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 14:26

Your future monster-in-law doesn't want to cut the apron strings.

COMMENTS

By Sady_Ct | 37

#7849482 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 12:12

She wants him to be a mamma’s boy, either that or he already is one.

By stickyface | 8

#7849500 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 14:26

Your future monster-in-law doesn't want to cut the apron strings.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7849527 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 17:46

Blame your grandma much?