Miscellaneous: Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind...

By disturbedtosaytheleast - 27/01/2012 11:19 - Canada

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 950

You deserved it 2 659

Miscellaneous

Empathy lives

This Charming Man

Squeezed one out

By thatguy - 25/06/2011 07:47 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 646

You deserved it 2 974

By Noah - 02/11/2016 14:24

Today, a friend pointed out to me that I bear a striking resemblance to Anne Frank. I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I'm inclined to agree with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 431

You deserved it 816

By 2broke4ajoke - 29/11/2018 13:30

Today, after starting my new career as a server, two women were kind enough to leave a $5 tip... while still owing $6.84 on their bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 550

You deserved it 148

By Jeri - 26/02/2010 12:55 - United States

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 975

You deserved it 4 325

Thicker than water

By Anonymous - 31/12/2021 02:00

Today, after hitting hard times and needing a place to stay, I'd asked my sister for help to which she sent me a paragraph-long response about how it would break their lease if they had people live there, leading me to sleep on a friend's couch, I found out our tweaker mom started staying at my sisters and didn't leave for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 22/09/2017 04:30

Today, I saw a creepy guy grab a woman's ass on the bus, so I caught his arm and put him in an arm lock, only for the woman to hit me in the head with her handbag. Turns out they were a married couple on their way home to have sex, and who couldn't resist a quick grope during the journey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 046

You deserved it 4 588

Student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 09:58 - United States - Steele

Today, my son's "favorite" teacher went on a tirade criticizing my "awful" parenting. About two months ago, my son got her fired after he reported her to the principal for forcing him to miss out on lunch to finish a project. Apparently, that wasn't the first time she did something like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 88

By sarah - 18/04/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 992

You deserved it 10 957

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 07:16 - United States - Roscoe

Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 718

You deserved it 1 651

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 00:32 - United States

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 587

You deserved it 6 798

Not the golden child

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 03:00 - Australia - Geraldton

Today, my father retired and made sure to buy both my younger sisters and their partners near new cars. Despite only one having a licence. Then bought the bare minimal definition of a "functioning" car for me, as compensation for paying off the family car on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 85

By idiotwithaface - 23/09/2010 14:17 - United States

Today, I recently graduated from highschool and I went to a college party. I met these girls and told them I graduated college already, to sound cool. I then heard one of them say "I went to middle school with you, and I was in your math class." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 488

You deserved it 61 610

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 04:56 - United States - Medina

Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 523

You deserved it 3 770

By divorcee - 06/09/2012 03:27 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 029

You deserved it 4 062

By dumped - 05/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 898

You deserved it 4 152

Wakey Wakey!

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 175

By David3000 - 24/01/2009 07:15 - Australia

Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 796

You deserved it 27 834

By o.v. - 16/05/2011 16:04 - Bangladesh

Today, the pipe in the dining room sink suddenly broke open and in about 15 minutes my entire apartment was turned into an indoor swimming pool. The worst part? I was there the entire time, playing video games with my headphones on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 064

You deserved it 47 522

Deep ink

By Wanderlei Santos - 09/07/2020 14:03

Today, I'm going to get my first tattoo. Too bad it's inside my colon so the surgeon can mark the section to remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 91

By hisgirl4life - 05/02/2010 13:44 - United States

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 131

You deserved it 8 717

By Ants everywhere but my pants - 19/05/2016 02:35 - United States - Sun City Center

Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 041

You deserved it 1 522

By just about pissed off - 11/08/2013 17:24 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 512

You deserved it 6 752

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 28/08/2020 17:01

Today, I resigned from my dream job with a small company. In the 6 weeks I worked there, a fist-fight occurred, the police were called 4 times, a person was fired for lying on important documents, and I was yelled or heckled for my ideas everyday. Now I'm jobless and worried, but had the first good night's sleep in 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 267

You deserved it 622

By Fat Arsed Lass - 01/06/2014 10:28 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 426

You deserved it 9 465

By J.O.S - 21/03/2012 21:06 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 545

You deserved it 3 321

By Oja1 - 16/12/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 473

You deserved it 27 540

By Useless training - 11/07/2014 06:04 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, we finished a sit-up test at school. I had been training for the athletic tests, so I was proud of my score. When someone asked what I got and I shared, proud, they responded with, "I bet it helps that your fat bounces you back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 649

You deserved it 4 736

By NotDrunk - 11/09/2012 06:47 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 669

You deserved it 2 591

Bye bye

By Dan - 17/11/2020 22:58

Today, I fell asleep at work. I got woke up by my boss with a coffee and a referral letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 965

By seriously? - 05/08/2013 05:11 - United States - Pickerington

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 549

You deserved it 4 859

By Anonymous - 31/08/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 454

You deserved it 3 848

By 2gewd4u - 15/01/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 163

You deserved it 4 060

By Anonymous - 19/02/2011 21:29 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 015

You deserved it 44 709

Thanks, but…

By howtragic - 17/08/2011 12:13 - Australia

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 523

You deserved it 3 650

By bubblewrap - 20/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 424

You deserved it 11 731

By Katie - 20/02/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 013

You deserved it 3 096

By Anonymous - 13/02/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss has been dating my newly divorced mother, and he didn't want family get-togethers to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 093

You deserved it 1 912

By Anonymous - 19/01/2013 16:50 - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, after recently breaking up with my boyfriend, I unknowingly washed my laundry using his washing tabs. My whole wardrobe now smells like my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 960

You deserved it 16 944

By youre dumped shitforbrain - 19/08/2012 16:52 - Sweden - H?lleforsn

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 650

You deserved it 5 450

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Top comments

BlesstheSilence 11

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Sounds like he wanted to air his genitals out too...

RabidBunny 10

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

His house, his rules :D

sophielotus 2

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:53

Isn't that cute! Maybe he washes every item of clothing he owns at the same time.

KeyboardWarrior 10

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:56

How is it "cute"?

zombiegold 23

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:59

At least he wore sandals, God knows what his feet must look like.

grmnxsensati0n 4

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Friday 27 January 2012 16:08

sounds like me on satardays!!!!

leogirl95 12

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Friday 27 January 2012 16:24

I admire his free spirit

biggestfan23 11

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Friday 27 January 2012 16:25

I'm sure OP was secretly aroused by it

enonymous 8

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Friday 27 January 2012 17:24

That's what you think. I just enjoy giving a free show.

lebronesque73091 12

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Friday 27 January 2012 19:47

Wouldn't be a little cold to do that?

ThisIsMyReign 4

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Friday 27 January 2012 20:54

Get the bb gun out and practice small targets. :D

danny1023 0

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Friday 27 January 2012 23:04

I'd do it if I wasn't so hot

elementalz 2

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Friday 27 January 2012 23:52

Who says he doesn't think ur home?

XxHoPPoxX 8

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Saturday 28 January 2012 5:21

Pics or it didn't happen....

LolFMLnot 10

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Sunday 29 January 2012 1:22

Free porn yay

KeyboardWarrior 10

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:54

Don't judge the man, naked laundry is the new in thing.

EatnBeef 7

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Friday 27 January 2012 16:15

Technically he's not naked if he's wearing sandals

ninjaboy18 6

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Friday 27 January 2012 16:20

I do my laundry in a thong

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 27 January 2012 16:22

How can all your laundry fit in a thong? FYI, back in the old days, "flip-flops" were often called "thongs"

silentbutfunny 0

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Friday 27 January 2012 17:21

2- new thing? I've been doin that for years!

flirtyfaery 7

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Friday 27 January 2012 20:30

In Australia we still call "flip-flops" thongs.

margie2194 12

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Saturday 28 January 2012 0:05

Naked outside?! IN CANADA??!!

Hahaha_Haha_Haha 7

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Saturday 28 January 2012 2:34

In Hawaii we call them slippers.

KeyboardWarrior 10

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:54

Ugh, anti-flood made me double post.

BlesstheSilence 11

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Sounds like he wanted to air his genitals out too...

JFAW 6

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Friday 27 January 2012 16:35

Who doesn't every now and again??

BostonBruinsFan 8

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Friday 27 January 2012 17:00

I agree, it gets pretty sweaty down there!!

Yodaevil 4

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Friday 27 January 2012 19:14

That's why you get your nosy neighbor to blow dry em. Looks like his master plan is falling into place!

obviousboy 8

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Then don't look at his house.

capnbzarr 43

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Friday 27 January 2012 19:39

Seriously! Don't like it? Don't look.

RabidBunny 10

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

His house, his rules :D

chaoticxxxmess 3

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:59

Just let it ALL hang loose!

jaredjudd21 2

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Give him respect at least he tried to wear some sort of clothing.

jtthegr8 26

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:56

I do it too ._.

Solid_Hippo 4

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:58

Trailer park yard sell

ElainaCutsYou 0

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Friday 27 January 2012 16:09

Huh

surfnshred 2

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Friday 27 January 2012 15:58

Give him a break it is always more comfortable to be naked

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 6

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 788

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 1 022

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