Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind...

By disturbedtosaytheleast - 27/1/2012 11:19 - Canada

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Boom, headshot

Workaholic

By movingout - 26/1/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

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By Emily - 7/6/2020 20:08

What's the point?

Today, whilst doing training as a mental health nurse, our glorified pineapple of a lecturer told us that trying to stop patients wanting to commit suicide isn't a possibility. So, what the hell are we training for? FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2016 06:47 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral I was told to man up. FML

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By someone something - 9/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML

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By Ashley - 6/9/2012 12:46 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

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By Satan'sChildren - 28/4/2013 02:30 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2016 08:34 - United Kingdom - Bromsgrove

Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2013 07:55 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2016 15:59 - United States - De Soto

Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML

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By for shite's sake - 17/1/2015 22:24 - United Kingdom - Mirfield

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

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By oumalina - 12/8/2010 01:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

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By nothreat33 - 18/1/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2009 09:38 - United States

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

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By veethebee - 8/5/2019 01:00

Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2011 16:59 - United States

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

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By thissucks - 20/6/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I backed my car into a parked car in a parking lot. Not only did I back into a parked car, but it was the ONLY parked car there. FML

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By are you kidding me - 22/7/2017 20:03

Today, I learned the venue owner and producer for the musical I'm in is under criminal investigation. What for? Three separate sexual assault incidents and putting cameras in our dressing rooms. FML

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By seriously?? - 4/2/2009 16:06 - United States

Today, I was running to the bus stop to catch the bus. The bus driver smiled, waved, and drove away without letting me get on. FML

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By Username - 12/3/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

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By just-a-fat-cat - 3/5/2016 03:25 - United States - West Bend

Today, I noticed my cat was making a loud wheezing noise when trying to breathe, so I rushed him to the vet's. $250.00 worth of tests later, he's fine. Just really fat. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss that, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

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By anonymous - 20/9/2016 22:49 - United States - Avon

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

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By Jesse - 1/8/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML

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By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/6/2009 00:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest ugliest man at the table looks me over then stares at my chest. He then starts to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

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By Winchesterlover - 5/2/2011 18:41 - United States

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

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By Lori_ftw - 27/2/2014 03:28 - United States - Oakland

Today, my store manager thought that it would improve morale to talk in hashtags. FML

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By anon - 21/12/2013 14:13 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

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By Austin - 12/2/2011 07:50 - United States

Today, I got a notice in the mail saying I had been fired from my job. My dad's the boss, who I happen to live with. FML

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By calgarygal - 23/11/2016 02:53

Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has been sterilizing by boiling in our shared coffee maker, is a menstrual cup. FML

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By chickenshit4 - 15/5/2016 00:57 - United States - Pine Ridge

Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML

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By biggmouth - 26/3/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

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By Poordaughter5 - 6/7/2016 17:21 - Germany

Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML

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By littlebigbrother - 23/5/2012 06:13 - Japan

Today, we got a call that my brother stuck a rock up his nose and couldn't get it out. My mom had to pick him up and take him to the hospital. My brother is 20. FML

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By BrokeAF - 22/12/2016 12:21

Today, I eagerly applied for a high-salary, fully supportive graduate program that I qualified for. There were 5 steps in the application process. I was turned down after the first one. FML

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By lifeguard down - 1/8/2010 04:23 - United States

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 14:14 - United States

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and ended up throwing up as soon as I got home. My mother's first question was an accusatory, "What have you been drinking?" I was returning from the AA meeting I have been attending for over a month. I go because I'm afraid I'll become an alcoholic like her. FML

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By Mem - 30/5/2014 20:07 - Sweden - Hudiksvall

Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML

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Top comments

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#3951355 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Sounds like he wanted to air his genitals out too...

By RabidBunny | 10

#3951357 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

His house, his rules :D

COMMENTS

By sophielotus | 2

#3951351 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:53

Isn't that cute! Maybe he washes every item of clothing he owns at the same time.

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3951363 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:56

How is it "cute"?

zombiegold | 23

#3951372 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:59

At least he wore sandals, God knows what his feet must look like.

grmnxsensati0n | 4

#3951412 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:08

sounds like me on satardays!!!!

leogirl95 | 12

#3951516 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:24

I admire his free spirit

biggestfan23 | 11

#3951522 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:25

I'm sure OP was secretly aroused by it

enonymous | 8

#3951699 - Friday 27 January 2012 17:24

That's what you think. I just enjoy giving a free show.

lebronesque73091 | 12

#3952285 - Friday 27 January 2012 19:47

Wouldn't be a little cold to do that?

ThisIsMyReign | 4

#3952537 - Friday 27 January 2012 20:54

Get the bb gun out and practice small targets. :D

danny1023 | 0

#3952833 - Friday 27 January 2012 23:04

I'd do it if I wasn't so hot

elementalz | 2

#3952930 - Friday 27 January 2012 23:52

Who says he doesn't think ur home?

XxHoPPoxX | 8

#3954454 - Saturday 28 January 2012 5:21

Pics or it didn't happen....

LolFMLnot | 10

#3958962 - Sunday 29 January 2012 1:22

Free porn yay

By KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3951352 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:54

Don't judge the man, naked laundry is the new in thing.

EatnBeef | 7

#3951463 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:15

Technically he's not naked if he's wearing sandals

ninjaboy18 | 6

#3951491 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:20

I do my laundry in a thong

RedPillSucks | 31

#3951496 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:22

How can all your laundry fit in a thong?

FYI, back in the old days, "flip-flops" were often called "thongs"

silentbutfunny | 0

#3951687 - Friday 27 January 2012 17:21

2- new thing? I've been doin that for years!

flirtyfaery | 7

#3952452 - Friday 27 January 2012 20:30

In Australia we still call "flip-flops" thongs.

margie2194 | 12

#3952968 - Saturday 28 January 2012 0:05

Naked outside?! IN CANADA??!!

Hahaha_Haha_Haha | 7

#3953701 - Saturday 28 January 2012 2:34

In Hawaii we call them slippers.

By KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3951353 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:54

Ugh, anti-flood made me double post.

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#3951355 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Sounds like he wanted to air his genitals out too...

JFAW | 6

#3951551 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:35

Who doesn't every now and again??

BostonBruinsFan | 8

#3951644 - Friday 27 January 2012 17:00

I agree, it gets pretty sweaty down there!!

Yodaevil | 4

#3952119 - Friday 27 January 2012 19:14

That's why you get your nosy neighbor to blow dry em. Looks like his master plan is falling into place!

By obviousboy | 8

#3951356 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Then don't look at his house.

capnbzarr | 43

#3952246 - Friday 27 January 2012 19:39

Seriously! Don't like it? Don't look.

By RabidBunny | 10

#3951357 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

His house, his rules :D

chaoticxxxmess | 3

#3951369 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:59

Just let it ALL hang loose!

By jaredjudd21 | 2

#3951361 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Give him respect at least he tried to wear some sort of clothing.

By jtthegr8 | 26

#3951362 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:56

I do it too ._.

By Solid_Hippo | 4

#3951364 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:58

Trailer park yard sell

ElainaCutsYou | 0

#3951417 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:09

Huh

By surfnshred | 2

#3951365 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:58

Give him a break it is always more comfortable to be naked