Miscellaneous: Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind...

By disturbedtosaytheleast - Canada

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Too Much Information

Clean up in aisle 3 please

By jensoulstealer

The Omen 4

Today, my year and a half old daughter has discovered the joy of temper tantrums. She is now throwing them constantly. Everywhere. Anytime. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - College Station

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

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45659

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By guess28 - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

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50620

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By NairyAGoodIdea - United States

Today, I tried to manscape with some Nair. Nothing helps the pain. FML

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25627

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10160

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By so racist - 25/6/2020 02:02

No, of course she's not…

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

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2160

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By GirlfriendsAreBadForYourBack - United States - Lynbrook

Today, I was feeling down because I always think that I'm overweight. My boyfriend tried to prove me wrong by lifting me up. I threw his back out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually claimed that his cheating didn't count because A) the other girl is his lab partner, and B) she's overweight. FML

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By sick and awkward - United States - Silver Spring

Cosy chat

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

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By Anon - United States - Toledo

Today, I got into a car accident. The other driver was going so fast that when we hit, our cars positioned themselves to make it look like it was all my fault. He keeps blaming me for everything and the position of the cars doesn't help. FML

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22605

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By BSwan - Australia

Today, a frog made my hot tub his new home. I can't stand frogs and he moves lightening fast. I think the only way to get rid of him is to turn the heat on and boil him. Which I would do if my daughter didn't already adore him. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 05:01

QUIET PLEASE

Today, where I live in Germany, you're supposed to be quiet between noon and 3 p.m., so people have a chance to take a nap or just eat lunch in peace, but 3 of my 4 neighbors seem to consider this the ideal time for any project that involves lawn-mowers and power tools. FML

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By dirtythief - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I placed an order at a fast food joint, when the elderly lady behind me cussed me out for ordering the same thing she wanted. She ranted that I was a "dirty thief", while everyone else glared at me as if I was holding up the line. What the fuck? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, while we changed positions, he shouts, "Power Rangers - It's Morphin' Time!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with "liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

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By mettaton

Today, I realized that my mom talks to me with the exact same tone of voice she uses for my little cousin. I’m 23 and my cousin is 2. FML

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2220

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By mydaughterisdisturbed - United States - Huntingburg

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

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54922

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By itrustedsnapeallalong - United States

Today, for the first time, I hugged the man I have been in love with for four years. It was a congratulatory hug at his wedding to my best friend. FML

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61841

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By Queen_of_Night - United States

Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML

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32285

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

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7923

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By Stepheroni

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

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4395

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By NotSteve - United States

Today, I was walking home from when I passed an old woman sitting on the curb of Walmart begging for change. I gave her my last dollar and felt good about it. Five minutes later I saw the same woman driving away in a car. I don't even own a car. FML

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57496

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to walk through an extremely crowded pub wearing a dorky prisoner outfit to get to a dress-up party at the back. When we got there, I soon realised it wasn't fancy dress, but just black-and-white themed. FML

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By sarahh38 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML

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By DEAD inside - United States - Pomona

Today, I woke up and brushed my teeth as usual. My brother had decided it would be a good time to prank me and rubbed a ton of salt into my toothbrush. A while later, he stood outside the bathroom door repeatedly saying sorry. It was Epsom salt. FML

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By Hank-T4 - Australia - Truganina

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

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By cxcrktkt - United States

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

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By Alexandra - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

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49590

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By NewMom

Today, there was a baby shower for our first child. My hostess invited 75 people. Only 3 people showed up. FML

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4405

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By strawberry - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

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36254

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By kawood - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

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27393

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By spitstopper - United States - Birmingham

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

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43512

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By WaterNeeded

Shortage

Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML

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3815

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By CaBur - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML

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By xXEndlesslullabyXx - United States

Today, my grandmother's excuse for not going to my college graduation was because she'd already bought her bingo card. FML

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33558

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By Confused lesbian - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

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4377

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 14:00

Alone time

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

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942

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By 751920 - Canada

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

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34013

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's car from another girl telling him she hoped he liked the flowers. These were the same flowers he gave me while I was in the hospital, just after having his kid. FML

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41313

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By dmlk - France

Today, and for the third time this week, my bank manager called me to tell me that my account is still overdrawn. He doesn't seem to understand that my wages always get paid at the end of the month. FML

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22947

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By brokeasajoke - United States

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

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Top comments

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#3951355 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Sounds like he wanted to air his genitals out too...

By RabidBunny | 10

#3951357 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

His house, his rules :D

COMMENTS

By sophielotus | 2

#3951351 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:53

Isn't that cute! Maybe he washes every item of clothing he owns at the same time.

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3951363 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:56

How is it "cute"?

zombiegold | 23

#3951372 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:59

At least he wore sandals, God knows what his feet must look like.

grmnxsensati0n | 4

#3951412 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:08

sounds like me on satardays!!!!

leogirl95 | 12

#3951516 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:24

I admire his free spirit

biggestfan23 | 11

#3951522 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:25

I'm sure OP was secretly aroused by it

enonymous | 8

#3951699 - Friday 27 January 2012 17:24

That's what you think. I just enjoy giving a free show.

lebronesque73091 | 12

#3952285 - Friday 27 January 2012 19:47

Wouldn't be a little cold to do that?

ThisIsMyReign | 4

#3952537 - Friday 27 January 2012 20:54

Get the bb gun out and practice small targets. :D

danny1023 | 0

#3952833 - Friday 27 January 2012 23:04

I'd do it if I wasn't so hot

elementalz | 2

#3952930 - Friday 27 January 2012 23:52

Who says he doesn't think ur home?

XxHoPPoxX | 8

#3954454 - Saturday 28 January 2012 5:21

Pics or it didn't happen....

LolFMLnot | 10

#3958962 - Sunday 29 January 2012 1:22

Free porn yay

By KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3951352 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:54

Don't judge the man, naked laundry is the new in thing.

EatnBeef | 7

#3951463 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:15

Technically he's not naked if he's wearing sandals

ninjaboy18 | 6

#3951491 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:20

I do my laundry in a thong

RedPillSucks | 31

#3951496 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:22

How can all your laundry fit in a thong?

FYI, back in the old days, "flip-flops" were often called "thongs"

silentbutfunny | 0

#3951687 - Friday 27 January 2012 17:21

2- new thing? I've been doin that for years!

flirtyfaery | 7

#3952452 - Friday 27 January 2012 20:30

In Australia we still call "flip-flops" thongs.

margie2194 | 12

#3952968 - Saturday 28 January 2012 0:05

Naked outside?! IN CANADA??!!

Hahaha_Haha_Haha | 7

#3953701 - Saturday 28 January 2012 2:34

In Hawaii we call them slippers.

By KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3951353 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:54

Ugh, anti-flood made me double post.

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#3951355 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Sounds like he wanted to air his genitals out too...

JFAW | 6

#3951551 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:35

Who doesn't every now and again??

BostonBruinsFan | 8

#3951644 - Friday 27 January 2012 17:00

I agree, it gets pretty sweaty down there!!

Yodaevil | 4

#3952119 - Friday 27 January 2012 19:14

That's why you get your nosy neighbor to blow dry em. Looks like his master plan is falling into place!

By obviousboy | 8

#3951356 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Then don't look at his house.

capnbzarr | 43

#3952246 - Friday 27 January 2012 19:39

Seriously! Don't like it? Don't look.

By RabidBunny | 10

#3951357 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

His house, his rules :D

chaoticxxxmess | 3

#3951369 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:59

Just let it ALL hang loose!

By jaredjudd21 | 2

#3951361 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Give him respect at least he tried to wear some sort of clothing.

By jtthegr8 | 26

#3951362 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:56

I do it too ._.

By Solid_Hippo | 4

#3951364 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:58

Trailer park yard sell

ElainaCutsYou | 0

#3951417 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:09

Huh

By surfnshred | 2

#3951365 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:58

Give him a break it is always more comfortable to be naked