Miscellaneous: Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind...

By disturbedtosaytheleast - Canada

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

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Miscellaneous

Horsing around

Insane parents

Still pining

By ouchiee - United States

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

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42467

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By selfdefense - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML

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By dinosaucer - United States

Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML

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34155

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By SeriouslyDad - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

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44062

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By kqwarrior - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML

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13653

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

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By Disappointed - United States - Lexington

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

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By pleasedie - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Lahr

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Redding

Today, I found out that someone I once babysat got a girlfriend before I did. FML

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13197

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By jasonnn - Australia

Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML

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111163

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

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27859

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By he's still not convinced - United States

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML

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By Cromwel620 - United States

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

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23016

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By JuicyJohn - United States

Today, I realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say "Juicy" on the ass. My name is John. FML

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15341

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By ouchmyeye - United States

Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML

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39612

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By Nightmares - United States

FML Uncensored

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

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By 3.14 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

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27052

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By Hobbsie - Canada

Today, my dad walked in on me singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", while spinning in circles with the cat in my arms. I thought I was home alone. FML

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15429

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By fmlfmlfml - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I slept together. In the middle of the night, he saw my phone receiving a text from someone saying "Hey baby, I missed you so much! I'm going to be visiting in a couple of days, hope to see you again, I love you!". He got mad and left my house. It was my dad from Ohio. FML

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53264

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often on top lately?" FML

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By ProFesser

Today, while heading outside to go to work, I slip on my driveway and my coffee thermos-mug ends up flying out of my hand, and smashes my next door neighbor's brand new truck window. The thermos-mug broke and splashed hot coffee all over his seats too. He's a hard-ass military dude. FML

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4445

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By Unemployed - United States

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

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By Jobless - 28/3/2020 14:00

The Times They Are a-Changin'

Today, I woke up early, felt very energetic, decided to run a couple of miles and bought muffins for my colleagues on my way to the office. Then my boss told me they're shutting us down. At the end of a day that started really great, I'm jobless. FML

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By lifesucks0925 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

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By Ben - United States

Today, I found out that my eight year old son is actually my nephew. FML

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By anon - United States - Hinesville

Unconditional support

Today, my girlfriend told me she'd support my decision to stay in, or get out of the military, so I renewed my contract...... She broke up with me for it. FML

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2123

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By bready - United States

Today, I drank a ton of beers for my 25th birthday. My friends love to watch me open beer bottles with my teeth. I chipped both of my front uppers doing this. I'm no longer covered by my parents dental insurance because I'm 25 now. FML

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By jannister - Germany - Bad Blankenburg

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

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By CabbageFart92

Thanks, I hate it

Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML

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3512

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By xoccerplaya - United States

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

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24446

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By John - United States

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

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42574

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By Nightsong - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, I saw a ridiculously hot guy dining with his family. I decided not to flirt with him with his parents around but to ask his sister (who went to the restroom) to give him my phone number. When I came back, I saw her pointing a finger at me, and the whole family turning around and staring. FML

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By *sigh* - United Kingdom

Today, I confronted my friend about the £260 he owes me. He got offended and said, "Friends don't have to pay back." He called me selfish and walked off. FML

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By lunarclips - Canada - Brandon

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

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12003

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous - France - Brunoy

Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML

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By wellcrap - United States - Carrollton

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

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Top comments

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#3951355 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Sounds like he wanted to air his genitals out too...

By RabidBunny | 10

#3951357 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

His house, his rules :D

COMMENTS

By sophielotus | 2

#3951351 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:53

Isn't that cute! Maybe he washes every item of clothing he owns at the same time.

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3951363 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:56

How is it "cute"?

zombiegold | 23

#3951372 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:59

At least he wore sandals, God knows what his feet must look like.

grmnxsensati0n | 4

#3951412 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:08

sounds like me on satardays!!!!

leogirl95 | 12

#3951516 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:24

I admire his free spirit

biggestfan23 | 11

#3951522 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:25

I'm sure OP was secretly aroused by it

enonymous | 8

#3951699 - Friday 27 January 2012 17:24

That's what you think. I just enjoy giving a free show.

lebronesque73091 | 12

#3952285 - Friday 27 January 2012 19:47

Wouldn't be a little cold to do that?

ThisIsMyReign | 4

#3952537 - Friday 27 January 2012 20:54

Get the bb gun out and practice small targets. :D

danny1023 | 0

#3952833 - Friday 27 January 2012 23:04

I'd do it if I wasn't so hot

elementalz | 2

#3952930 - Friday 27 January 2012 23:52

Who says he doesn't think ur home?

XxHoPPoxX | 8

#3954454 - Saturday 28 January 2012 5:21

Pics or it didn't happen....

LolFMLnot | 10

#3958962 - Sunday 29 January 2012 1:22

Free porn yay

By KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3951352 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:54

Don't judge the man, naked laundry is the new in thing.

EatnBeef | 7

#3951463 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:15

Technically he's not naked if he's wearing sandals

ninjaboy18 | 6

#3951491 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:20

I do my laundry in a thong

RedPillSucks | 31

#3951496 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:22

How can all your laundry fit in a thong?

FYI, back in the old days, "flip-flops" were often called "thongs"

silentbutfunny | 0

#3951687 - Friday 27 January 2012 17:21

2- new thing? I've been doin that for years!

flirtyfaery | 7

#3952452 - Friday 27 January 2012 20:30

In Australia we still call "flip-flops" thongs.

margie2194 | 12

#3952968 - Saturday 28 January 2012 0:05

Naked outside?! IN CANADA??!!

Hahaha_Haha_Haha | 7

#3953701 - Saturday 28 January 2012 2:34

In Hawaii we call them slippers.

By KeyboardWarrior | 10

#3951353 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:54

Ugh, anti-flood made me double post.

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#3951355 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Sounds like he wanted to air his genitals out too...

JFAW | 6

#3951551 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:35

Who doesn't every now and again??

BostonBruinsFan | 8

#3951644 - Friday 27 January 2012 17:00

I agree, it gets pretty sweaty down there!!

Yodaevil | 4

#3952119 - Friday 27 January 2012 19:14

That's why you get your nosy neighbor to blow dry em. Looks like his master plan is falling into place!

By obviousboy | 8

#3951356 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Then don't look at his house.

capnbzarr | 43

#3952246 - Friday 27 January 2012 19:39

Seriously! Don't like it? Don't look.

By RabidBunny | 10

#3951357 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

His house, his rules :D

chaoticxxxmess | 3

#3951369 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:59

Just let it ALL hang loose!

By jaredjudd21 | 2

#3951361 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:55

Give him respect at least he tried to wear some sort of clothing.

By jtthegr8 | 26

#3951362 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:56

I do it too ._.

By Solid_Hippo | 4

#3951364 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:58

Trailer park yard sell

ElainaCutsYou | 0

#3951417 - Friday 27 January 2012 16:09

Huh

By surfnshred | 2

#3951365 - Friday 27 January 2012 15:58

Give him a break it is always more comfortable to be naked