Today, my fiancé decided he wants a baby only because our dog is good, quiet, and falls asleep as soon as he starts to cradle her. He thinks a baby will be just like that. FML
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Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML
Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said, "Yeah yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML
Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend rather qualifies as a pet: He loves eating, he hardly ever talks or listens, but he is cuddly, always enjoys having me around and can – within limits - be trained to do useful things. FML
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML
Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML
Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML
Today, I bought my dog a fancy bed shaped like a giant donut. He sniffed it, then crawled into the box it came in and fell asleep. He’s been snoring there for four hours now. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
Speaking from experience, he'll be sorry for assuming a baby will be like a pet. I was very disappointed when my baby daughter was unwilling to use a litter box.
misspulkadot24 17
Give him one of those realistic dolls that shit, cry, scream, and pee. He'll change his mind.
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Comments (90)
Vidimus 13
Suggestion to find a friend with children already, the younger the better, and have him babysit for a short while. I'm sure the illusion will vanish soon enough.
mattuti 8
OP, please, do NOT let him reproduce!
skyeyez9 24
Some babies are more laid back than others. Mine screamed nonstop for hours at a time (colic) in the middle of the night, and made me want to curl into a ball and die. Others like my brother in law was so quiet and calm. He slept alot and even had to be woken up to eat and have his diapers chnged.
WeskersSexslave 15
well dogs are cuter and better than useless babies
screenager5 35
Pretty sure they aren't useless...
Life_sucks_13 6
Get him one of those babies you get in high school to take care of for health. He'll regret it after that
thew_fml 14
people need to stop thinking about what having babies is like and start thinking what having children is like. you have a baby for like 30 seconds. you have a child for a lifetime
Grimnirwher9 21
If your baby turns into a toddler "like 30 seconds" after being born, I advise you find medical assistance, because (s)he is likely to have a sincere case of progeria.
DanielleinDC 33
You and your fiance need to find a friend with a baby and offer to babysit for a weekend. He'll surely change his tune that it's as easy as caring for a dog!
asnakelovinbabe 16
You never know! My baby was just like that... She never cried as a newborn.... Our friends used to want to strangle us because of how damned lucky we are!
Hellbound_Alleee 14
Do you have any friends, or family that have babies? Babysit one.
sig4life 18
Just dress the dog up and pass it off, he may never know the difference.