Animals: Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant....

By Lilly - 30/10/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 859

You deserved it 4 332

Animals

Taking stock

Leave us alone

Workers of the world unite

By family heirloom gone - 17/11/2018 12:00

Today, my husband threw away the cast iron skillet my family has cooked with for generations because it had some specks of rust that were perfectly fixable. My 5th great-grandfather had that skillet in 1890 when he was a chuck wagon driver for the cowboys during their cattle drives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 016

You deserved it 234

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 252

You deserved it 704

By desperategurl - 21/08/2012 08:39 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was so desperate for any kind of male romantic attention that I googled "prison pen pals", and I'm considering writing to one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 498

You deserved it 24 833

By KittKatt - 20/05/2015 05:34 - United States - Lehighton

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 933

You deserved it 4 540

By Me - 20/06/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 444

You deserved it 5 610

By fviz - 07/02/2013 09:51 - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 112

You deserved it 2 782

News to me

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I was texting my friend. He has a history of depression, which we were talking about, and somehow, he turned the conversation to, "If we ever broke up, I would kill myself." I didn't even know we were even going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 181

You deserved it 2 984

By anonymous - 15/08/2010 13:12 - Netherlands

Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 883

You deserved it 5 331

By lilipalmer - 13/02/2015 06:44 - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 453

You deserved it 3 403

By Anonymous - 04/09/2012 17:26 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 376

You deserved it 58 754

By ChopSuey - 01/06/2016 04:02 - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 829

You deserved it 1 591

By soonaked - 30/01/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 175

You deserved it 5 935

Tour de France

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Ipswich

Today, I was cycling with my uncle and became increasingly frustrated as we got further and further from our intended destination. It took me a while to figure out that I had somehow lost my uncle and was following a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 669

You deserved it 26 363

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 472

You deserved it 52 140

By workwork - 05/08/2019 14:00

Today, I got a threatening email from my manager, saying my job is in jeopardy if I call off again. Somehow, my leaving early to drive my mom to the ER is inexcusable, yet it's perfectly fine for the same manager to leave early to take her dogs to the groomers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 19/06/2019 00:04

Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 219

By bittersweet - 08/02/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

I agree, your life sucks 660 762

You deserved it 71 725

He does have a point

By Ksweety_fml - 05/10/2019 14:00

Today, I texted someone and typed, "lol". My boyfriend asked me why I put "lol". I told him because I thought it was funny. He looked at me weird and said, "But you didn't laugh." Now he thinks I'm weird because I didn't actually laugh out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 449

By User - 23/09/2013 17:53 - United States - Romulus

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 902

You deserved it 6 676

By icareaboutmyhair - 28/02/2011 15:27 - Estonia

Today, I discovered I have dandruff, which I never had before. I googled the possible reasons and those are depression and hormones. Not only have I not had sex for a year, but it's also the reason I have dandruff. And apparently I'm depressed. How sexy is that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 700

You deserved it 6 796

Workout

By Demitrius_T - 19/03/2021 07:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after noticing weight gain, I purchased an ab belt. Despite no gym for around a year now, I assumed I could easily sustain an advanced level workout and put the belt on maximum strength. The first shock catapulted me off my feet and smacked my head into the wall, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 1 184

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 07:06 - Canada

Today, at work I was looking for my lost wallet. After hours of looking I gave up and went home. The wallet then shows up in my mail box with an envelope marked "To the asshole." I opened the letter and it was filled with poop. My wallet too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 607

You deserved it 5 036

By ge fu yo twa - 25/06/2018 20:30

Today, after house sitting for my future father-in-law and managing to keep things spotless for 3 weeks, a pipe burst. It flooded the place and shorted out a plug socket, causing a fire that ruined the front room. He gets home in 3 hours. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 138

You deserved it 249

By fisherman - 23/01/2010 10:12 - United States

Today, I went fishing with friends looking to catch big redfish. During the trip, one of the men caught a 50 pound monster which I put away. At the end of the trip they wanted to take a picture with it. I went to wash off the fish in the water. Apparently the fish wasn't dead and swam away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 908

You deserved it 35 143

By Twomanybananas - 23/01/2017 16:00

Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 580

You deserved it 3 815

Stuck in TV Hell

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 23:00

Today, I'm self isolating with a mother who hogs the remote but doesn't know how to use it, and is so short-sighted she can barely see the TV. Every five minutes, I hear, "What have I done now?", "How have I got onto this then?" and she won't let me help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 176

Kinky.

By GnatEater - 07/09/2018 15:00

Today, I made a horrific discovery; the months-long gnat epidemic in my spotlessly clean home has been emanating from my coffee pot. They've been procreating inside it all this time. I use it every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 788

You deserved it 775

By Sarah-D - 29/07/2016 05:31

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 188

You deserved it 2 232

By habsgurl0622 - 08/10/2012 18:57 - United States - Piedmont

Today, I realized the only reason why my boyfriend spends the night with me is because my house is closer to his job than his, and so he saves money on gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 689

You deserved it 2 993

They're not real

By Boyufd - 05/11/2020 17:01

Today, my girlfriend, KNOWING I have severe arachnophobia, changed the wallpapers on my phone and tablet to pictures of tarantulas, all because she's mad at me. And she won't change it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 327

By prettylady? - 28/10/2012 04:22 - United States

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 046

You deserved it 2 843

By Target - 12/02/2013 01:42 - United States

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 937

You deserved it 2 789

By INeedMoney - 28/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 644

You deserved it 5 010

By Therunawaymoh - 11/10/2018 12:00

Today, my maid of honor and best friend of 10 years won't answer my texts and blocked me on social media. This is because last night she and my fiancé got into a huge drunken fight about who loved me more and she stormed off. I get married in 5 hours and I have no idea where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 477

You deserved it 315

Spider-Maaaaaaan

By 8 Legs plus 1 - 08/05/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 247

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 05:40 - United States

Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 534

You deserved it 8 697

By TheMysteriousTsundere - 03/11/2018 15:30

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 809

You deserved it 145

By BrokeAF - 20/07/2017 05:01

Today, I had to empty out my coin jar to pay for gas. Trying to be considerate, I only brought quarters, but the cashier refused to take it because they didn't want to count out my $10. I don't know how I'll get to work today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 354

You deserved it 459

Metal

By TiredBird - 05/09/2021 17:01

Today, I'm exhausted. My neighbours across the street had an argument about loud metal music. After a threat of, "Turn the heavy metal off or I’ll burn your house down," the music changed to Katy Perry’s "Firebird". For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 144

By Marfo101 - 16/01/2015 15:41 - Ghana - Accra

Today, a pretty girl joined the line at the bus station. I let her skip the line and go before me so I could sit next to her. After she bought her ticket, I realized there were no more seats left on that bus. I was told to get off, and had to take the next bus, sitting next to a snoring old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 295

You deserved it 13 377

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Top comments

OhAidan 7

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 21:58

He's got his priorities set straight!

perdix 29

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:06

You don't want puppies around babies anyways. They make the human race look bad. While the little puppies are zipping around cute as hell, the baby doesn't have the neck strength to hold up its giant bulbous head. Most babies eventually surpass the dogs in intelligence, but early on, it's a blowout for the dogs.

txgirl2013 14

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 21:58

Aww. Congrats on the puppies! But maybe you can convince your husband otherwise if you want kids sooner?

TheDrifter 23

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:41

Or she can wait and see how he does with the puppies. Call it a golden opportunity to see if either of them need remedial parenting training.

gc327072 30

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 23:57

31 has a point, it'll be good practice with being patient. Also, 1, is that a fennec fox in your pic?

djinnsnme 19

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 0:50

At least OP knows that he may be a good father some day. He knows his priorities.

drewcat21 0

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 2:03

Doubt it. Sounds like he's just looking for a reason not to have kids yet.

txgirl2013 14

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 2:28

Yes it's a fennec fox :)

OhAidan 7

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 21:58

He's got his priorities set straight!

SoSoRachel 7

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:07

True, true...

StalkerChick 13

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:35

Look at it this way, he'll be an attentive father when your human babies get here ^_^

oj101 33

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 0:04

Yeah, at least the dogs will be extremely well looked after as opposed to the many in the shelter due to neglect. Practice perhaps?

heygirlie777 21

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 0:19

"He NEEDS to sort out his priorities!" Harry Potter reference anyone?

sonicgreg 12

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 19:55

54 This comment is almost as yseless as yours Tie dye einsteins take stop signs.

DoNotEnter 5

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 21:59

Fix your pets? No ugly surprises. I mean, puppies are adorable but caring for them is not. Good luck!!

metalhead4740 14

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:27

Caring for babies isn't exactly adorable either, don't you think?...

hatesfate 6

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:53

Planning and having a baby, which it seems the OP was trying to do, wouldn't exactly be a surprise but a conscious decision.

TurtleSmile 14

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:00

That's his only reasoning? Sounds like he doesn't want to have kids and is using this as an excuse.

gc327072 30

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 23:56

Yea, shouldn't it be the other way around?

Matt_greener 8

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 3:06

I kind of see his point having puppies and a baby would be awfully difficult. But you could raise and sell the puppies before the baby even arrives no?

unknown_user5566 26

Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:02

I can see why that would be annoying, but it's not necessarily a bad idea. Do you really want puppies AND an infant at the same time? That would be a ton of work.

Sparks808 10

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 23:15

Considering a mother dog is pregnant for about 63 days, and puppies are ready to go to new homes in about 8-12 weeks, and human babies take 9 months to gestate.... I don't think taking care of both is a problem. Unless they're planning on keeping all of them. Seems to me this is just his excuse not to have a baby, so you might want to look into his real reasons, OP.

woainishamu 21

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:03

He cares for that bitch more than you?

sarkaar 30

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:07

He is terrified because he called her a crazy bitch.

perdix 29

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:06

MissIconic 8

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:08

Puppies and babies get along great though ! You should just explain the benefits of having puppies, cause they'll make you happy while your pregnant ( when his not around ) and be the babies 'guard'/ bestfriend :)

unknown_user5566 26

Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:19

Having a litter of puppies around (or even just one) while pregnant is likely to cause a lot of stress. Raising a puppy takes a lot of work. If they plan on keeping any of the puppies, I think OP is better off waiting to get pregnant to avoid being overwhelmed.

hatesfate 6

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Tuesday 30 October 2012 22:56

Puppies and babies do not go great together. An older dog and baby, possibly... Puppies are mouthy, unruly, and pee/poo everywhere. Not the best thing to have next to your infant.