Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
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Top comments
Valentina_Baby 7
Troll mom strikes again!
badwolfbluebox 7
Firstly though, your mother called you 'that' ?
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Comments (194)
kainpwnsu 19
Oh, burn!
sparkrok 8
freeze!
DKjazz 20
Snap! Zing! Kapow! Whoosh!
xii_clueless 0
Tell her you got everything from her
smb12346 17
Tell your mom you get your looks from her
ZoeElizabeth 0
Your mom should be the president.
ninjadinos 14
...I don't understand.
Honestly_Lainey 21
15- OP is in Canada. Canadians have a "prime minister," not a president.
bennn89 5
I got it. It's not real. From sitcom roseanne
kissie87 4
Damn a mother like that you don't need enemies like why would she critique you like that first of all you are her child like if you can get laid then she must be horrible too smH she needs to be more of a better mother
TheZee 12
Commas... please learn how to use them, PLEASE! -_-
edgestr 2
You know, you should really use punctuation.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
16. the run on sentence makes what you're saying very passionate sounding...
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
16. the run on sentence makes what you're saying very passionate sounding...
garebear13 4
Good to know that complete demoralization of your children is seen as good parenting these days...
supimnyancat 9
I would say this is pretty funny , but the fact that your mom referred you as "that" is just cruel.
TheFamilyElf 17
Probably trying to lower your self esteem so you won't try to get laid. Maybe it's a compliment in disguise..?:/ Sorry, man.
OffToTheGayBar 9
Girls with low self-esteem are the best ones to bed, duh. Every coming-of-age teen sex movie in the world has taught us that.
aimeesea75 16
29- yeah except op is a guy..
v4l_v4l 1
Ouch, quite rude on your moms' half. Hopefully she was kidding around.
SpaceMann_fml 2
Have sex on her bed. That'll show her!
bearsy 0
How?
foolycooly910 5
thats fucken funny as hell :D