Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
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Top comments
HazzaBoo 3
Is he reading Twilight? :P hope not
toelie 26
Good riddance.
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Comments (298)
KiddNYC1O 22
Sounds like a plot to get rid of you.
caesari 14
I expected it to say he bit you.
Vixen_Vicious 4
OP there are some people that live a vampire lifestyle and it has nothing to do with Twilight. It's part of an alternative lifestyle. Maybe you shouldn't have been so judgemental.
Ins0mau 20
'cause drinking blood sounds so tasty!!!! An blue skies and sunlight are overrated right? Um.. No thanks...
kayliers 5
Some of those ppl r really cool. Like the guys in Vampires Everywhere!
nevereyes 31
216, it is amazingly tasty and the sun is pain full so blue sky means I have to go out in a hoodie and cover up as much as possible.
Levvy 22
A vampire is a supernatural being of fiction. If someone is NOT claiming to be one of those, the only humanly replicable feature of being a vampire would be... well, drinking blood. How does that qualify as a "lifestyle"? Does eating salads sometimes mean you lead the "salad lifestyle"? Does everyone who eats french fries belong to the "french fry lifestyle"?
nevereyes 31
274, real vampires are called psi (energy) vampires, hybrid (blood & energy) vampires or sanguine (blood) vampires. They have a need to consume life energy (non-physical and/or physical, blood being the physical one). With out it they become very sickly and their symptoms become more prominent and intense (headaches, sun/light sensitivity, nocturnal tendencies, shaking, heat sensitivity ex.) some symptoms only happen in a few cases (difficulty breathing, loss of consciousness, hallucinations, temporary loss of one or more senses.). The lateral symptoms will only occur , typically, in a heavily deprived "vampire".
cbwjm 8
Bullet = Dodged.
thehurricanekid 6
All you need to do is tussle your hair nervously and mumble incoherently. It work(ed) for Kristen Stewart at least.
Riturz 4
He's a freakazoid, it's better that you are apart from him.
TBelle4Ever 15
It's better this way, he may actually become insane one day... Well, more insane than he already is. I heard about this one guy who claimed he was a vampire and he massacred 3 people.
jennifernorvell 7
U r better off chick.
omgiculol 4
Well would you rather be in a relationship with a psychopath like that?
AnnaMarieGoodson 3
that's the problem with redding.