Love, Money, Pregnancy, Weird and Awkward: Midlife crisis in style

Midlife crisis in style

By Anonymous - 15/03/2022 14:00

Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 103

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 22:20 - Denmark - Fredericia

Today, my husband quit his stable job of 12 years at the bank to pursue a career selling kites. If we don't end up homeless because of this, god knows we will when he has a real mid-life crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 521

You deserved it 3 671

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 10:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 706

You deserved it 2 421

By Screwed - 07/08/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 200

You deserved it 4 343

For better and for worse

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 20:01

Today, my husband decided he was finally going to quit his job. We literally bought a house last week. His job is/was easy, with pay way above his qualifications. After we'd talked about it FOR THE 50TH TIME, he did the opposite and texted the dept. head that he hates the company and wants to be part time at most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 125

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2022 12:00

Today, my husband suddenly decided he was going to stop talking about all the changes he needed to make, and finally do them. That's great, except that in less than a day, he lost his shit at me and our young kids for not immediately fixing everything about ourselves as well. They're still sobbing and he doesn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 136

OK, bye then

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 23:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years sprung the news that he had gotten a new job across the country and would be moving immediately. With his wife and children. First I'm hearing about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 176

By phonemenace - 17/08/2011 09:50 - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 791

You deserved it 2 827

By Colin Jr. - 23/09/2015 13:24 - United States

Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 790

You deserved it 1 688

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 953

You deserved it 6 734

Growing old disgracefully

By adam - 05/12/2015 14:54 - Czech Republic

Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 266

You deserved it 1 558

mike3775 35

Tuesday 15 March 2022 15:16

So file for a divorce, tell him he can keep the house, and go live your new single life.

TwoBytesCarley 27

Tuesday 15 March 2022 14:53

Sounds like he’s ready to lose a wife too. He can recapture his youth by hitting the dating pool once again.

Comments

Plop 17

Tuesday 15 March 2022 14:50

Welp, he's obviously a great catch, it'd be very sad for you to let him go. Hope you enjoy the white trash cross country trip.

TwoBytesCarley 27

Tuesday 15 March 2022 14:53

Sounds like he’s ready to lose a wife too. He can recapture his youth by hitting the dating pool once again.

mike3775 35

Tuesday 15 March 2022 15:16

So file for a divorce, tell him he can keep the house, and go live your new single life.

benjamn 24

Tuesday 15 March 2022 16:17

Sounds like you've been replace X2. Move on live a great life while suffers through the s-storm of a life he made for himself.

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The Top

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and, about 30 seconds in, he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek, and leaves. It turns out that he'd already came. I called his phone - wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 099

You deserved it 20 907

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 582

You deserved it 7 318

The Top

Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 893

You deserved it 8 083

Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 401

You deserved it 14 213

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 279

Today, I called a Lyft to go to work. I got dressed and even watched him finish his previous ride. We all know you have a 5 minutes window. It wasn’t even 5 minutes in when he cancelled my ride. Now I’m late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 312

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 122

You deserved it 4 030

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 698

You deserved it 19 136