Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML
Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
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Top comments
HazzaBoo 3
Is he reading Twilight? :P hope not
toelie 26
Good riddance.
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Comments (298)
Elkrider 13
Look at the bright side, you got rid of him before he started gnawing on your neck at night.
bryanfdz 0
Gotta admit... It was a pretty creative way to breakup!
Pandasaurus 14
You're saying you're single like it's a bad thing..
maddonkey 3
Maybe that was he's way of breaking up with u, so u wouldn't get hurt?
mjoyn98 1
Only one way to tell. Does he appear 'sparkly' in the sunshine? That's the number one sign of a real vampire...
LennyComa 39
******* good. Do you really think a,relationship with a person who if he genuinely beleives he is a vampire is going to last. He needs to speak to a professional.
Daydreamer4466 6
I would have told him to bite me.
weatherninja 1
Seems to me you're better off.
Foxears 2
I once dated a guy who also thought he was a vampire. It would have been alright because I'm extremely tolerant if he didn't tell EVERYONE that. I was still nice and tolerant on the guy, then things got creepy. He claims to "watch me sleep", started telling me really odd stories about some demon realm, and worse of all, he convinced me to read Twilight!!! :'( Be happy you're out of that relationship, OP. It's not worth it. FYL
Levvy 22
I thought FML was for BAD news. Does slipping the noose on a self-delusional attention-seeker qualify? Well, no harm. We can all celebrate your escape together!