By chickenshit4 - United States - Pine Ridge Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML I agree, your life sucks 13122 Phew, glad it wasn't me 3027 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML I agree, your life sucks 33288 You deserved it 5866 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ann - United States Works out well Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML I agree, your life sucks 51346 You deserved it 9192 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bridget Jones? - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton Today, I found out that my family has a bet on how long I will be single for. FML I agree, your life sucks 50372 You deserved it 5108 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Suomynona - Germany - Hamburg Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML I agree, your life sucks 58958 You deserved it 6787 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Enragedbitch - United States - Torrance Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML I agree, your life sucks 32408 You deserved it 2323 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bossproblems - United States - Orlando Today, I found out how my salesmen are "entertaining" themselves since they were told they can't have their cell phones on them. They are pulling straws to see who will pretend to trip and fall face-first onto the floor in front of customers. FML I agree, your life sucks 10706 You deserved it 1475 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JackieD - United States - Bellevue Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML I agree, your life sucks 42014 You deserved it 16156 180 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Justin - 25/7/2020 20:00 Awwww, how sweet! Today, after having a 3-day vacation and feeling a bit bummed that it was over, I got home to find a black widow watching her babies hatch in my office window. FML I agree, your life sucks 1296 You deserved it 106 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Brighton Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML I agree, your life sucks 2710 You deserved it 224 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By No Job - United States - Prairieville Today, I was supposed to start my new job. I had forgotten I had a doctor's appointment, so I called work early and told them I wouldn't be able to start until tomorrow. My boss then terminated my employment. I got fired before I even started. FML I agree, your life sucks 13310 You deserved it 30461 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Your ass... Grab it... - United States - Grand Prairie Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML I agree, your life sucks 50834 You deserved it 4335 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By a little less poor at least - United States - Cleveland Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML I agree, your life sucks 49162 You deserved it 5649 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nick - United States Today, I was on my grandparents' computer looking for my old high school resume. I came across a word document titled "Experiences". Thinking it was part of my resume, I opened it up and started reading. It was a brief, yet explicit record of my grandfather's recent sexual frustrations. FML I agree, your life sucks 20264 You deserved it 5344 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By heartsick - United States Today, I went to the hospital with severe chest pain, thinking it was a heart attack. Turns out now I just can't have booze, pop, chocolate, fruit with skins, seeds, tomatoes, or mint. I'd rather have the heart attack. FML I agree, your life sucks 31890 You deserved it 4046 194 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By angie24w Today, I had no choice but to use a porta potty. I was happy to get a clean one. I wasn't happy when a young child tried opening the door and used enough force to break the lock, showing me sitting on the toilet to the world. FML I agree, your life sucks 2714 You deserved it 168 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML I agree, your life sucks 40312 You deserved it 5022 172 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By textfail - United States Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML I agree, your life sucks 31011 You deserved it 103864 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML I agree, your life sucks 34681 You deserved it 3210 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By toritoratora - United States - Huntington Beach Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML I agree, your life sucks 28610 You deserved it 2819 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tea_baggins - Australia - Rozelle Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML I agree, your life sucks 41242 You deserved it 19687 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Is_This_Real - United States - Pittsburgh Today, the only constant person in my life is the guy that smokes outside my apartment building. FML I agree, your life sucks 17031 You deserved it 1510 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jenna - United States Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML I agree, your life sucks 32894 You deserved it 5588 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crash - United States Today, I went dirtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control and flipped over my handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruises and a crescent-shaped gash on my neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if my boyfriend and I were being frisky last night. FML I agree, your life sucks 43124 You deserved it 8877 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Love sex Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML I agree, your life sucks 3968 You deserved it 288 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He said he would have done it two weeks ago but he needed someone to drive him around while his car was getting repaired. FML I agree, your life sucks 47176 You deserved it 4414 201 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jfc, how just how - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML I agree, your life sucks 46138 You deserved it 3750 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xX_nsn_Xx - United States Communication breakdown Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML I agree, your life sucks 48438 You deserved it 9982 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML I agree, your life sucks 31217 You deserved it 3462 143 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By losingstreak - United States Caught Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML I agree, your life sucks 10203 You deserved it 37793 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Noblesville Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML I agree, your life sucks 31585 You deserved it 5545 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By friedchicken - Canada Today, I was following my friend to her house in my car, because I didn't know where it was. I'd been following her for at least an hour when she pulled into a gas station. Turns out I'd been following the wrong car. I have no idea where I am. FML I agree, your life sucks 32732 You deserved it 10610 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nah - United States - San Antonio Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML I agree, your life sucks 24274 You deserved it 2924 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By UnexpectedMom - 31/12/2020 02:01 The fertility dance worked Today, I'm currently 9 months pregnant with my second child within 3 years. I was told by 4 different doctors over the course of the past 5 years that I'm incapable of having kids, due to a medical condition that affects my reproductive system. FML I agree, your life sucks 614 You deserved it 291 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By katsaysner - United States - Unity Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML I agree, your life sucks 42758 You deserved it 4681 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By aeghw1s - United States Today, I started my new job at a restaurant. I am going to be the mascot that stands by the road to wave down customers in a heavy polyester animal suit. The high today is 102. I work 12-4. FML I agree, your life sucks 37939 You deserved it 6300 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dr.Octopus454 - United Kingdom Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML I agree, your life sucks 31037 You deserved it 3606 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peachezthelette - 27/12/2020 19:58 Itchy butt Today, while at work, I had to explain over the phone to my 33-year-old boyfriend how to use Preparation H. FML I agree, your life sucks 596 You deserved it 97 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By atleasthelocalsarenice Today, while camping alone in an isolated area, I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a fellow camper, who then offered me a crayfish and a romantic beach walk as a way of flirtation. FML I agree, your life sucks 5315 You deserved it 575 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gotthewrongman - United States Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML I agree, your life sucks 34424 You deserved it 3697 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML I agree, your life sucks 32045 You deserved it 3959 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sayhisoph | 26 #6606518 - Sunday 15 May 2016 18:50 I boxed off "glad it wasn't me" ... I really regret that. I wish it was me. Send a private message 112 1 Reply
By sayhisoph | 26 #6606518 - Sunday 15 May 2016 18:50 I boxed off "glad it wasn't me" ... I really regret that. I wish it was me. Send a private message 112 1 Reply
Reply ThrottleJockey | 34 #6606569 - Sunday 15 May 2016 19:41 A vacuum cleaner with the right attachments will give convincing results. Send a private message 28 3 Reply
Reply MidnaLink | 32 #6606588 - Sunday 15 May 2016 19:54 Might also kill you if placed incorrectly, but whatever. Anything for a hickey, I suppose. Send a private message 38 6 Reply
Reply _delusions_ | 15 #6606711 - Sunday 15 May 2016 22:39 Why is #16s comment thumbed down? Its true. You can form a blot clot and die from trying to use a vacum cleaner to give yourself hickies. Send a private message 25 2 Reply
Reply MikaykayUnicorn | 36 #6606742 - Sunday 15 May 2016 23:26 Because people don't like the truth, 25. Especially when it makes their joke sound stupid. Send a private message 24 3 Reply
By LegitTorture | 18 #6606524 - Sunday 15 May 2016 18:56 Much better than actually having to accidentally see the "act" 39 1 Reply
By Aethereal | 14 #6606527 - Sunday 15 May 2016 18:59 Question: Is she married/has a SO, and if yes, what are the odds it was due to her spouse/SO? I don't know what to think otherwise... Go mother? F your and your father's life? Send a private message 3 20 Reply
By mrlucky22 | 18 #6606539 - Sunday 15 May 2016 19:04 Can i get her number? Send a private message 7 26 Reply
By Soninuva | 41 #6606542 - Sunday 15 May 2016 19:06 By any chance is your name Stacy? Send a private message 62 3 Reply
By Magnoxidans | 19 #6606544 - Sunday 15 May 2016 19:07 Old people need love too. ;-) Takes the expression 'Mother F***er' to a whole new level. Send a private message 23 11 Reply
Reply MitiMiki | 16 #6609122 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 22:15 43 is "old people"? Wow. Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By never_three | 21 #6606546 - Sunday 15 May 2016 19:08 Big whoop, your ma has a sex life. Someday you'll be 43 and horny. Send a private message 89 3 Reply
By captainsmegma | 12 #6606549 - Sunday 15 May 2016 19:12 So your mommies a hickey queen. You probably don't want to see her inner thighs. Send a private message 14 5 Reply
By IWillEatYouAlive | 16 #6606553 - Sunday 15 May 2016 19:17 Mama got some action Send a private message 18 0 Reply
Today, right now, my husband is on the phone with his friend. Last night I had a dream I was cheating on him with this friend. FML I agree, your life sucks 45 You deserved it 80 1 Comments
Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML I agree, your life sucks 242 You deserved it 62 3 Comments