Animals: Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all...

By ballbreath - 16/07/2014 15:44 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 840

You deserved it 5 182

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Same thing different taste

By Andrea Trevor - 30/04/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 135

You deserved it 630

By killjoyx - 23/07/2015 18:28 - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 805

You deserved it 3 190

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 2 847

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 525

You deserved it 3 240

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 19:50 - Spain - Santa Cruz De Tenerife

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 996

You deserved it 9 670

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 582

You deserved it 7 518

Top of the mornin' to ya!

By Anonymous Taco Man - 03/08/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 105

Good boy

By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 566

You deserved it 25 172

Sharing space

By Fingerfqmycupcake - 30/10/2024 08:00 - United States - West Chicago

Today, I woke up feeling crabby because of lack of sleep. I noticed what woke me up, it was man's best friend. He kept moving around and wouldn't stop rotating in circles to get comfy. I told him to lay down and he looked at me, did another circle and lowered down, butthole first on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 349

By Annie - 22/11/2009 22:07 - Mexico

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 669

You deserved it 6 031

Welshite 39

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:05

Well he was cleaning himself, and decided you needed a bath as well. Saliva and a tongue are the best things to wash with. Trust me...

kost4060 14

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:06

My dog ate his puke then came to lick my face

Comments

Asher_X 15

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:05

Hue. I love that word. Hue. Hue. Mhmm yeahh. Oh yeah, FYL OP.

Asher_X 15

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:48

Uhhh all I put in my comment was "Hue" I go to shower and come back to find it changed...

OysterPearls 33

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:56

ALIENS.

Asher_X 15

Thursday 17 July 2014 0:05

I'm being serious though :(

colby6666 43

Thursday 17 July 2014 0:24

I moderated this!! :D And 31- your profile pic suits your comment.

mannatee 19

Thursday 17 July 2014 0:35

Fml staff can change your comments

Asher_X 15

Thursday 17 July 2014 0:38

Really...? Damn you FML staff, you little trolls!

Since1998 20

Thursday 17 July 2014 1:05

I strangely don't believe that's the case

sterling1113 15

Thursday 17 July 2014 1:57

I dunno. If someone got top comment with "hue" and I was an admin id have a little fun with it instead of deleting it or having it thumbed down into oblivion. Lol

ohcheriecherie 20

Thursday 17 July 2014 2:56

I think it might be set to do that when someone posts a one word first comment, since so many people used to just say first.

Welshite 39

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:05

Well he was cleaning himself, and decided you needed a bath as well. Saliva and a tongue are the best things to wash with. Trust me...

reneetlovesyou 30

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:07

My dogs do this to me too! It drives me absolutely nuts!

A07 48

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:20

Nuts.

Kevin_Kestel 24

Thursday 17 July 2014 0:10

He is just showing his love towards you.

pwnman 33

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:05

Seems like a disgusting situation.

Rallred32 20

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:40

Was that a pun?

pwnman 33

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:50

Nope. Just making a general comment. Hope you know the definition of a pun.

OysterPearls 33

Thursday 17 July 2014 0:00

With the abundance of "That's a ___ situation" comments, you can't blame 21 for thinking there was one to be found (if he wasn't being sarcastic).

kost4060 14

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:06

My dog ate his puke then came to lick my face

23lf 16

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:13

I can never eat while reading FML comments again.

A07 48

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:21

And you still did'nt get published? Sorry bro.

CFB_FRS 27

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:49

This is why I don't eat and read FML..

spatula232 25

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:57

My dog ate it's crap and licked me

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Thursday 17 July 2014 4:52

My boss's French bulldog puppy ate its own shit and threw it up on her yesterday. :(

mete_orito 34

Thursday 17 July 2014 8:56

My dog ate his own puke and puked it again!

Daxwax 8

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:06

Euuuwh!

BrettB321 15

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:06

Maybe if you shower alittle more then your dog wouldnt have to clean you

LissaMccracken 23

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:28

Dog. Not cat.

sharklover2017 11

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:07

Oh god why! I would run to the shower as fast as I could. Your dog was just showing affection, sucks how he showed it though..

brookenicolee29 27

Wednesday 16 July 2014 23:09

Hope he didn't make contact with your mouth.

zandalee 19

Thursday 17 July 2014 7:56

My dogs tongue not only always managers to lick my mouth, she sometimes actually gets some of it in my mouth. Very gross. And that sucker is enormous!