Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop.... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML

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Non-baby fever

Kick the bum out

Welcome back!

By jl_word - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

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By can't sleep - United States - Crown Point

Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are, but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

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By PhD student - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I worked from home to actually be able to concentrate and make a presentation about my project. My boss then sends me a long email about how he wants us to work in the office, and how important it is for team building, giving me feelings of guilt for actually getting some work done. FML

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By Jackmeister

Ouch

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

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By conchita - United States

Today, I panicked when I felt a hard bump on the side of my stomach. I thought I had appendicitis. Turns out it was my ab muscles. I've been overweight so long I didn't know what they felt like. FML

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By fuck fof and die dad - Germany - Kiel

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

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By Pizza-less - United States

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty, when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here." from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

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By Bisounours - France

Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - West Hartford

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

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By cockblockedbyFB - United States - San Antonio

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellevue

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

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By FueledByFate - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

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By hook me up with some smack, Jack - Australia - Perth

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

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By hamburglar - United States - Irving

Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML

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By disgusting - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

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By anon - United States - York

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned that the college I'm going to in the fall has been tampering with their ratings on the internet and actually only has a 5% graduation rate. Everything's already been paid for and I can't transfer elsewhere. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad took my phone away. This would be fine if I was 14. I'm 22 and pay for all of my own bills. FML

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By racist - United States

Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML

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By Xandriajoy10 - Australia

Today, my 5 year-old informed me she likes her "other mummy" more and wants to live with her instead. I need to have a long conversation with my husband. FML

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By lalala - Philippines

Today, my best friend told me I lost weight. I was happy because I've worked hard to shed off those pounds. I asked her what changes were evident, she told me that I now have a neck. FML

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By notsogoodtrainee - United States - Fargo

Today, at my first day of work, I was impressing my trainer with my skills by carrying many trays at once. Well, I could until I came around the corner and ran into a customer. With food all over his front, he introduced him self to me as the head manager. FML

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By insulted - Canada

Today, I was denied membership to an all-women's gym. Why? Because "men are not permitted to join". I am and have always been female. FML

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By Mangled Shoelace - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2020 20:01

Bustin' my ass

Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tuscaloosa

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

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By 751920 - Canada

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML

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By houdini - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

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By fmT719 - United Kingdom

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML

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By acneface - United States

Today, my math teacher decided to use my acne as an example of symmetry in front of the whole class. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 20:03

Tidy your room

Today, I woke up and stepped on a wet jacket. After smelling what it was, it turns out the cat had peed all over my laundry, especially the waterproof jacket, and after attempting to clean it up, it dripped everywhere and the entire apartment now smells like cat piss now. FML

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By iloveyoutoomom - France

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

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By teejayrn - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him for the first time. His response was to smile and pat me on the head. FML

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By hannahisacooler - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I told the guy I liked about my crush on him. He said he would keep me in mind if he ever hits rock bottom. FML

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By Problem - United States

Today, my manager informed me that I will not be completing my job training because I'll be transferring to a different store, and if they want me to work there, that's their problem. Today, I also found out that the new store will not accept me as a transfer unless I've already been trained. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - K?ln

Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML

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By Small_Fry_Hero - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

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By intranator - Jordan

Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML

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Top comments

By meetmeinhell | 0

#106277 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:01

wow hes clever, i envy that. i hate break ups so what ever people can do to make them less stressful helps, cuz that hilarious, lmao

By savy_77 | 0

#106275 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:01

That was rude. You don't need him

COMMENTS

By savy_77 | 0

#106275 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:01

That was rude. You don't need him

Reply

whatfml | 0

#1021423 - Sunday 6 June 2010 11:48

guess you played sims to much n didn't give a shit about yur bf

By meetmeinhell | 0

#106277 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:01

wow hes clever, i envy that. i hate break ups so what ever people can do to make them less stressful helps, cuz that hilarious, lmao

Reply

Jlevrt | 0

#948481 - Monday 15 March 2010 4:34

thats pretty creative- but sucks though

Reply

weavermycutecat | 0

#1037263 - Sunday 20 June 2010 17:02

LEOPARD GECKO!!! kill him on sims.

By chanceuse_fml | 0

#106281 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:01

Wow... that's sad. You are probably better off anyway.

By aerials_fml | 0

#106285 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:02

Wow. That's kinda unique but if he didn't have the balls to break up with you in person, you're better off anyways. Still sucks though.

By voguegirl4 | 0

#106291 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:03

wow, just wow.

#2 yea breakups suck but there is a more tactful way of doing them.

By PlutoTheFirst | 0

#106301 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:04

Sims is awesome. But seriously, it was stupid of him to do that. At least he was creative about it.

By onigiriqueen | 0

#106310 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:05

Even though the rational side of me says he is a total dick and you're better off without some pussy who can't even break up with you to your face, the irrational and rude side of me has to laugh at the way he did it. Sorry it happened that way, but thanks for sharing.

By shannanigans | 0

#106314 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:05

6-save the creativity to ask someone out
doing that was plain rude. i would kill off his sim

By rachelhuggo | 0

#106316 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:06

that makes you both losers!

By flamingice | 0

#106317 - Monday 13 April 2009 2:06

Wow...just wow...

Hey, at the very least you can go make your character go slap him and whatnot. Vent.