Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML
Morning glory
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML
Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML
Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my girlfriend's father. He screenshotted it. FML
Mom gets some
Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a nude picture. I would have been fine with it if he hadn't taken it in his ex-girlfriend's room. FML
Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML
Denied
Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML
Top comments
drawmyhearton_fml 3
Get a new girlfriend? Or try a BOYfriend? ^^;
bmkc4 1
Does she turn you off that much? Maybe you don't need to be together.
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Comments (226)
greendpop 3
First
Helloilike_lacro 8
Ooo at least you know you like we for what's inside
doctorhook86 24
Sounds like he knows who he doesn't want to be inside of.
eeppiicc 8
Like we for what's inside?? Huh?
nerdchic 5
Personality and not looks tard face^^
thatKidzmOm 10
Supposed to be like HER for what's inside.
nevershoutkendal_fml 10
It really isn't that hard to tell what the comment was. Let's not make a big deal.
eeppiicc 8
36, what does a tard face look like? Because you couldn't be talking about me I don't have a picture of my face..
phatdaddy62 23
For ****'s Sake #50 - Shut the **** up about it!
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
75- looks like its your time of the month again huh?
kyarush 10
Tard face? Bringing it back to the 3rd grade. Classy.
PlayWithElmo 7
84- Man periods: WAY too common these data.
unknown_user5566 26
41- Making a big deal about seemingly inconsequential comments and/or mistakes is what FML is all about!
howrudoin 11
Lol @ people who take FML too seriously
bertman21 5
It's not just an app it's our life we use this app everything's we take a shit gawd dammit and we want our comments spelled right lol
sonuskos 6
Agreed with #145. How else am i suppose to get my butt numb everytime i shit.
p3mguin 7
I love when my butt is numb
alphaskater09 9
75-someone's getting defensive. Are you offended because you have a tard face?
eeppiicc 8
75, I dont see why you got all butt hurt over me defending myself against some one who called me a "tard face"..
hansbo 6
I don't understand what you're trying to say. Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
GroovyGravy 7
2- I anything cant do since because pickles
bbuettner 1
Pic or it didn't happen
bmkc4 1
Does she turn you off that much? Maybe you don't need to be together.
blcksocks 19
Yeah, why wood OP look at her pic of he isn't attracted to her?
MindFreakazoid 10
23 - Would. The word you need is WOULD.
alshygirl 14
I think she was trying to make a joke
rhaemese 9
It was a poor pun. Very. Very. Poor.
xcarxcrashx 9
I dunno. I think 51 is right, they also wrote of instead of if... Unless that's part of the joke.
bertman21 5
Am I the only one that thinks op turned gay?
blcksocks 19
I don't know what's worse: my utter failure at pun or dimwits who are actually correcting my spelling.
MindFreakazoid 10
Well then might I suggest you spell it right in the fist place? And sorry but it'd be 'utter failure at a pun' and 'the dimwits' which I inform you, we are not.
MindFreakazoid 10
Ah sorry I meant first. Sometimes I really hate my autocorrect
xXxIracebethxXx 14
#103 - Autocorrect. Sure, okay.
ScarletFever67 6
#97, that moment when you try to correct someone about their spelling, and you spell something wrong...
downtime 12
86, For a pun like that to be successful it needs to have no other major spelling errors. People aren't dimwitted when they're coming to logical conclusions based on the shitty information you've provided.
iLOLatURpain69 7
Wow, arguing about spelling and grammar. Cool.
mathow 3
More like f her life.
MindFreakazoid 10
Okay it wasn't my auto correct it was me. Sorry people. Sorry for being half blind and ADD. Yes I'm half blind I have Retinitis Pigmentosa (go google it) and about half the cells in each of my eyes have burned out and stopped working. My brain skips over things like that. That why I couldn't catch that person saying 'of' instead of 'if' an me saying 'fist' instead of 'first'. I can't play sports like tennis either. Don't worry though, I hate me too. I'm sorry. *walks away sniffling*
random_jay 6
189- don't worry, "You are what you allow yourself to be"
MindFreakazoid 10
193 - you think I can do ANYTHING about it? Wow you haven't googled it yet. There's no cure. Nobody cares. No one ever does. I'm gonna go and try to commit suicide again.
SenselessPattern 12
What a depressing way to end these replies. I guess I could make a terrible overused joke about how if you fail once, try, try again. But I try to avoid being an asshole. so sorry #189.
woahthatspink 0
Damn that's sad
TheVelocirabbit 10
It IS sad, VERY sad, but buddy, you sort of-ish-ly sound like you slightly want attention right now... Just a smidgit...
corinna12124 0
Ok look if he would dump her bc of tht he's an a**hole bc he would jus b thinking of her looks and not whts on the inside
Since1998 20
honestly if youre going to say youre going to kill yourself on a huge social platform, I loose my respect for you. Youre using your disablilities to get attention, and youre being rude while doing it. I have my problems too, but I like keeping them to my goddamn self instead of milking it out for attention.
lil_ham1644 29
Exactly 227! I have lots of problems myself, but I keep them in & not beg for attention. I could try to make it a competition though... I had cancer as a child, had a kidney, half a lung, & my inferior vena cava removed. Multiple seizures, blood clots, anemia, lack of communication between eyes & brain, extreme anxiety & depression, car accident, fractured arm, emergency hysterectomy, ovarian cysts, & endometriosis. All before 22. Beat that! This is how bored I am.
drawmyhearton_fml 3
Get a new girlfriend? Or try a BOYfriend? ^^;
newbiehere99 6
I like this idea ... I'd be happy to send you a pic ... I'm sure I'll keep your wood up all day long ;)
KeyboardWarrior 10
76's comment nearly made me tear up with laughter.
newbiehere99 6
I'm a guy I hope that's ok ;)
flockz 19
that's not ok.
Dojan 16
That's more than ok, it's perfect.
guardgeek 12
Desperate much!?!? Close your legs!
alejandrorockz 2
It's ok if u have feelings for the same gender:)
matthews167 0
Gay life rocks!
5n000w 4
No gay, no way. GTFO
kroekdog 7
Lol faggots
AlexHD 4
Haha I wouldnt mind ;)
hoppy708 9
Lol
whyseass 4
Yeah, his girlfriends ugly, he must be gay
lorenzoman77 7
Well, at least you dont have to wait thirty minutes to pee?
123man 11
Challenge yourself and pee while in that state!
lorenzoman77 7
I've tried.. And failed.
tennisrapper1 14
One does not simply Pee with a boner (yes, I was referring to the meme)
KiddNYC1O 20
26- Says who?
br0ccoli 14
Wait 30 min? Why not just stick it in a bowl of ice cold water? I never knew guys couldn't have a boner and simultaneously urinate. You learn something new every day.
Awsumuzzie 12
I agree with 53, I'm shocked that it enables you to urinate. 30 minutes is a long time, too.
snowboarder531 5
A boner doesn't make it so you can't pee, it just makes it extremely difficult to actually aim.
Inheritance 10
I've challenged myself many times with success but the pain did not help
Mauskau 35
My boyfriend can. If he can't then he cuts off the circulation that makes it soft and much easier. Waistband guys... Even I know this.
j_cat187 19
#16 I peed on the ceiling.
UsernameHere234 13
57, *disables*. Having a boner does make it extremely difficult to pee, though not impossible. The reason for this is because urine is acidic and if you pee as you cum it can compromise the sperm and prevent the fertilization of an egg so to prevent this problem evolution made it difficult for us to pee while in an aroused state.
hockeyoceancity 13
81- Umm, your boner sticks straight up? That's not normal.
Meettitan 14
Well.... I've had to be really badly before after waking up and..... I'll just say it.... you have to like sit on the toilet and grab your feet and let biology do the rest.
Inheritance 10
Also learned the hard way.. Never force it out if it's angled down when peeing, it'll sting like a bitch..
flutter4 7
This is why I'm happy to be a girl
cchan034 23
It's possible to urinate.. But it just shoots off all over the place
theamazingone_12 7
its extremely difficult to piss with a boner, but when nature calls you cant say no
brackaman 18
125 Honestly, between problems with the occasional boner, and pregnancy or having a period once a month, being a guy seems like the better option. But maybe I'm biased
dogdud8 3
All you have to do is lean over and your hand on the wall and pee straight down
22cute 17
Even I (a girl) find it very hard to pee when aroused. I don't know the mechanism exactly..all the swollen tissue must squeeze off the urethra.
egoldst22 5
Another reason is to prevent straggler sperm from wiggling the wrong way into your bladder!
jeragonm 15
It's hard. Hahaha
AFCA020 4
When i was a baby i peed in my own face because of an erection ... :s so you could say i found out the hard way..
OffToTheGayBar 9
Am I the only one who goes out back to do it?
AbstraktThoughts 13
It's hard to do...unless you're R. Kelly hahaha
MeLuvBewbs 7
At least she is beautiful in the brain right? If not, YDI
flockz 19
"ya baby your lobes are the perfect size, the curves of your brain stem drive me insane! your cerebrum is so big and is perfectly rounded, you know how much i love a nice round cerebrum. and look how small your cerebellum is! ohhhh ya."
MeLuvBewbs 7
I mean to say that she is smart. Not everything us about looks. Some people are so shallow
metaphoristic 8
...says MeLuvBewbs
MCRaddict15 15
How do you know she's smart?
downtime 12
They don't, hence the "If not"...what I can't quite figure out is how that means YDI...
brohamas16 7
Haha that bad??
nevershoutkendal_fml 10
Well, now you know you're dating for the personality! Kudos to you for not being shallow while picking a girlfriend, OP. Was it the face or the body that killed it?
nadnerbz 6
I would assume it was the body, or else he wouldn't have specified it was a nude picture
axelrave 3
Having a wonderful personality is awesome but you have to be well-rounded. If she doesn't excite him in that since thats a problem.
datgamerchick 14
I agree. Whoever says looks don't matter is lying. To a certain extent, they do. Both physical and sexual attraction are very important in a relationship, not to mention physical attraction is what attracts a person in the first place. Sure, they aren't as important as a person's personality, but they certainly do play a significant role in a relationship.
sirpantselot 22
I also have to agree. Much as I wanted to believe that looks weren't important, I had to break up with my last gf because I just didn't find her attractive anymore.
Feared 9
You've found the cure for Morning wood!
TheDrifter 23
New business opportunity, they'll be millionaires if he survives suggesting it.
SkoomaKi 27
If we were to deploy OP's picture of his girlfriend on every **** site, we would kill every boner on the planet. Mass hysteria would follow, yes I can see it coming together. Our own fun would be the profit.
nevershoutkendal_fml 10
Mass boner genocide!
videophone 0
LOL, put her picture up on every guys wall. So that's the first thing they see in the morning by by morning wood ;)