Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my... - FML

By AlexK - 18/6/2009 23:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML

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Understandable

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Workaholic

By faulty plumbimg! - 31/8/2013 12:14 - India

Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

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By joyful-not - 26/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

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By Pissed - 20/6/2016 19:27 - United States - Asheville

Today, I purposefully spilt my 44oz. cup of water on myself at work, because spending the rest of the day in soaking wet pants was less embarrassing than letting people know I'd pissed myself. FML

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By That Person - 14/9/2016 00:11 - Australia - Coolbellup

Today, I missed out on my first cooking lesson because I was an hour late. I cannot go to the rest of them because if you don't attend the first class then you are not allowed to attend the rest. I just spent $70 on a cooking course that I won't be able to attend. FML

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By epistaxis - 29/1/2009 02:31 - Australia

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 23:12 - Canada

Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML

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By inpain14 - 13/5/2020 05:00

Headache

Today, I learned that one of the reasons I may be getting migraines every day is because I subconsciously clench my jaw a lot due to stress. To try and have it hurt less, I’ve gone back to wearing my plastic retainer during the day, but it makes my gag reflux act up. FML

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By Real Life Sucks - 26/5/2015 16:50 - United States

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 21:27 - Canada

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2019 14:30

Today, for the third time this month, my family ridiculed me for being picky for ordering a burger without lettuce. They know I'm allergic. FML

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By Andrea Trevor - 30/4/2018 01:30

Today, I woke up at 5am to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML

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By sfabsits - 17/7/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

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By whymanwhy - 13/4/2015 10:43 - Czech Republic

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

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By klutz - 15/12/2016 15:41 - United States - Woburn

Today, I broke my fifth bone in three years. While I'd like say that they've all been scary, athletic injuries, most have been from attempting to do things as mundane as walking. FML

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By neta_1996 - 3/1/2014 02:06 - United States - Mabelvale

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me two days before my birthday. Only to make it worse, I found out that he had been texting my mother on how to break up with me. To make it even worse, she was giving him tips. FML

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By he's a dawk, and a cunt - 5/7/2013 22:29 - Australia - Darling Point

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

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By Kelsiiii - 11/3/2020 03:00

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

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By ournhd - 13/11/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2010 23:45 - United States

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

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By The Doc - 7/6/2016 22:41

Today, I was on a first date at a bar, when a girl walks over and ask me if I'm a doctor. I said yes, thinking she overheard me talking about my PhD. The girl then showed me a lump on her breast and asked what to do about it. My date then slapped me and left. FML

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By Potforapeso - 1/10/2014 02:30 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2013 20:19 - United States - San Diego

Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2015 21:42 - United States - Utica

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

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By dead_painter - 4/5/2016 00:42 - United States - Arlington

Today, after spending hours of my time painting sets for the last two months - with less dedication than only the head painter herself, and to the point where my health and grades suffered - I finally got to see the play I worked so hard on. I was the only one they forgot to put in the playbill. FML

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By skid kid - 10/3/2012 02:09 - Canada

Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2009 21:40 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got into a car accident and totaled my car. Also today, someone bought themselves $600 worth of office furniture online with my bank info. My bank doesn’t believe me so they won’t help me get the money back. I'm broke and carless. FML

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By I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

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By stankness - 22/3/2013 15:01 - United States

Today, I had to endure a long face-to-face conversation with a coworker who had fierce BO. He had his fingers interlaced around the back of his head the whole time. FML

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By GLX - 14/6/2017 17:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML

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By LeftOut - 13/4/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

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By Kristache - 2/7/2009 08:31 - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

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By LLCK - 10/12/2012 10:13 - United States - Owatonna

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

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By IsThisRealLife - 1/2/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

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By jack1057 - 12/9/2020 01:01 - United States - Phoenix

Smooth criminal

Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML

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By Nola - 27/4/2017 12:00

Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML

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By SpaceAstronaut - 28/12/2010 21:42 - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

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By TuralSucks - 11/3/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

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By Don't text and work - 23/6/2009 05:04 - France

Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML

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By UnluckyReporter - 17/2/2016 06:35 - United States - Lexington

Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML

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Top comments

By duds24 | 0

#319975 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:34

dude, come out of the closet

By fuckmyl1f333 | 0

#319990 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:37

Why would u admit this?

COMMENTS

By duds24 | 0

#319975 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:34

dude, come out of the closet

Reply

TomFantastic | 0

#320373 - Friday 19 June 2009 14:31

Not necessarily gay, I know a few straight guys who like the idea of shemales... one's actually going to Thailand soon to try one

Reply

Love_Bugg | 0

#320400 - Friday 19 June 2009 14:43

This doesn't make him gay. It's natural to have something like that turn you on even if you're a guy. It doesn't mean he likes them.

Reply

RenRen_fml | 0

#320658 - Friday 19 June 2009 16:48

I went to Thailand on a school trip and Thai She-males actually look like women. Some are even beautiful.

Reply

cthulhu1138 | 1

#320844 - Friday 19 June 2009 17:59

That's probably why she's the OP's ex.

Reply

DangerousBabee | 0

#321322 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:41

Hmm. This is the type of thing that makes you question your sexuality,eh?
xD

Reply

prttyyngthng | 0

#322055 - Friday 19 June 2009 23:53

They're not straight...

...and apparently, neither is the OP.

Reply

Logica42 | 0

#323391 - Saturday 20 June 2009 11:55

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Logica42 | 0

#323394 - Saturday 20 June 2009 11:58

Oh, and it's not really that uncommon. Some chicks like it too. So, if that makes you feel better, take solace in it.

Reply

Riceman80 | 0

#331972 - Tuesday 23 June 2009 2:41

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

jarhead321 | 0

#821111 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 7:54

I think he just meant to imply that his ex was ugly, like she looked so bad that the penis actually helped

By Suckstbeyou | 0

#319978 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:35

hate to break it to ya, but your not exactly straight. not normal man.

Reply

aannggiiee | 0

#320305 - Friday 19 June 2009 13:24

you're*

Reply

hi5534 | 3

#321134 - Friday 19 June 2009 20:00

ok grammar nazi. lol, this would suck. wow, i'd hate to be you right now. but hey, it happens. just keep it a secret ;)

Reply

Turner_22 | 0

#3202680 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 2:14

Just because someone is gay or bi doesn't mean they aren't normal. :3

By 00754chan | 0

#319982 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:36

ROFLMAOOOO.
nice work.

By fuckmyl1f333 | 0

#319990 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:37

Why would u admit this?

Reply

bigotcretin | 0

#320540 - Friday 19 June 2009 16:16

b/c its fairly anonymous

Reply

butterfly629 | 0

#322779 - Saturday 20 June 2009 4:52

what yu said :P

Reply

PerfasarusRex | 3

#4642407 - Monday 2 July 2012 20:04

Yeah dude hate to break it to you but you aren't straight.

By LetItRock2009 | 0

#319991 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:37

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

duds24 | 0

#320084 - Friday 19 June 2009 10:20

ehhhhhhh? don't know about that one, you might wanna re think that one

Reply

Tuga_fml | 0

#320282 - Friday 19 June 2009 13:09

Yep. No guys in the scene, but still penetration. They haven't invented better porn yet...

Reply

mattmag | 0

#321575 - Friday 19 June 2009 21:43

Haha I never thought of it that way. *goes to find weird porn*

Reply

Riceman80 | 0

#331988 - Tuesday 23 June 2009 2:46

They HAVE actually.
Almost anything not involving two guys, old ladies, or animals is better than a girl with a penis.

By Avenging_Angel | 0

#320000 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:39

You put a dick on a girl? Somebody needs a life...

By celerydancer | 0

#320002 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:40

That's because you want that penis you photoshopped on your ex to be in your mouth.

Reply

TorturedXeno | 27

#5225453 - Saturday 8 December 2012 4:34

Maybe he's into that weird-ass "shemale" stuff...

By highonlife77 | 0

#320006 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:42

Sorry man you're gay

By jrl585 | 0

#320014 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:46

mabey it's time for you to come out the closet ?

By PureGold | 0

#320016 - Friday 19 June 2009 9:46

Maybe you're into shemales?

But seriously, it's so messed up that you wanted to Photoshop a penis onto your ex in the first place... O_O
She lucky to be rid of you.