Intimacy: Today, I was looking through my boyfriends phone, when I found... - FML

By Sunshine.0.ninja - 29/07/2010 18:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was looking through my boyfriends phone, when I found a naked picture of myself. Too bad I haven't sent him any. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 719

You deserved it 14 787

BO Central

Age difference

Be better, people

By stoopidpoop - 05/02/2010 00:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 932

You deserved it 13 724

By alexander - 08/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Longmont

Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle's cap off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 637

You deserved it 1 032

By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 372

You deserved it 1 885

By crb25453 - 15/10/2015 05:07 - United States - Stafford

Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 709

You deserved it 2 224

Birthday Boy

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 02:00

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 150

By NinjaPanda88 - 01/08/2009 07:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 761

You deserved it 16 842

By Anonymous - 18/06/2009 07:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 131

You deserved it 119 115

By mynameisnotstupid - 18/03/2016 15:05 - Germany - Munich

Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 508

You deserved it 1 351

By janice - 03/06/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 592

You deserved it 7 690

Uber awkward

By nitrok - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I started driving with Lyft to fill the time until my new job starts next month. During my very first fare, my car died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 649

You deserved it 473

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I had a UTI. After, taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 128

You deserved it 4 528

The Breeders

By no spank - 11/08/2020 20:01

Today, my family once again mocked and insulted me for being the only one to not spank my kids. Apparently, they’ll grow up entitled and in prison if I don’t. Odd, seeing as my kids are 10 times better behaved than their kids, who get spanked on a regular. Ah well, here’s to hitting kids I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 264

Secret life

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 167

Breakfast time!

By shit flavored eggs - 09/03/2021 00:30

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 385

By pain - 01/11/2011 14:52 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that you should never use medical tape to secure gauze over a razor cut on your scrotum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 146

You deserved it 39 785

By Lucachoo - 21/10/2016 05:16

Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 581

You deserved it 1 978

By CaBur - 19/02/2013 22:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 317

You deserved it 27 037

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 17:50 - United States

Today, someone stole my iPhone. I used the Find My iPhone app, and located it in the apartment building next to mine. I can hear the ringing sound I've activated, but nobody will answer the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 837

You deserved it 2 006

By damnit - 25/08/2009 06:44 - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 757

You deserved it 63 965

By Anonymous - 18/05/2012 19:19 - United States - Paterson

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 367

You deserved it 3 523

By notsick - 17/03/2019 22:00

Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 188

Is that even legal?

By Monkeys aren't pets - 07/12/2020 23:04 - United States - Millersville

Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 78

By Anonymous - 13/07/2013 21:10 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, one of my co-workers was fired after my manager discovered him pissing in the office coffee pot. I had three cups before I found out what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 935

You deserved it 4 405

By Laughluv - 02/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I have been playing a little too much Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I realized this when I was watching a youtube video and there was someone walking in the background who I impulsively tried to gun down and kill by moving my mouse over him and clicking repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 784

You deserved it 36 762

Not for everyone

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 17:00

Today, after I'd left the love of my life because he didn't want kids, got into another relationship, he now tells me he's changed his mind about having kids, 5 years in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 179

Seventh heaven

By Egyptian ToyBoy - 17/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable aggressive orgasm. I'd celebrate my efforts only if she didn't knock over my new expensive laptop, when then split in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 433

By Anonymous - 04/12/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I dropped my camera down 4 flights of circular stairs from the top of a lighthouse. Everything worked, it just had a few dents. Then, as I went to put it in my pocket, I missed. It fell 3 feet and hit the floor. Now it won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 871

You deserved it 17 259

Scandalous!

By mustanggt - 04/09/2018 16:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I got marked down in a performance review for not being able to keep my relationship with a coworker a permanent secret. I think if her engagement ring hadn't given it away, eventually the baby bump would've. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 795

You deserved it 412

By Anonymous - 24/06/2009 02:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was upset, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. After a minute, her face started to light up. I thought it had worked until I realized that she was being cheered up by the friends she was talking to online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 132

You deserved it 3 763

By sadcartoons - 12/02/2011 18:57 - Canada

Today, my son and I attended my mother's funeral. It was the first time he'd been to such an event, so to ease his grief and distract him, I turned on Max and Ruby when we got home. He quickly broke into tears; apparently, it was the episode where Max and Ruby prepare their grandma a special birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 058

You deserved it 5 034

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 487

You deserved it 3 882

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 171

You deserved it 4 558

By wahwah - 23/10/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 121

You deserved it 6 254

By yearbook369 - 25/06/2011 04:31 - United States

Today, my school year book awarded "cutest couple" to my boyfriend and I. We broke up yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 923

You deserved it 5 517

By 0ptimu5 - 11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 658

You deserved it 43 335

By Whywhywhy - 20/08/2017 13:01

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 258

You deserved it 360

Knight

By Racked - 01/03/2016 18:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 130

You deserved it 1 906

By DirtyCharmed - 01/11/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 612

You deserved it 2 618

By Kaluhaluha - 25/08/2018 13:00

Today, I came back from a 700-mile round trip. I hit a massive pothole I couldn't avoid and blew out a tire and bent my rim. I was less than a mile from my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 565

You deserved it 214

Seize the day

By John S. - 25/04/2021 16:59

Today, I finally decided to try to get a date with the girl I like at work. While I was looking for her around the office, her supervisor approached me. She's in the hospital due to Covid-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 107

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:31

SEX IS GREAT!

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 3:27

130: You're a jerk. Women have a right to their own damn bodies. If he's creepily taking pictures when she's asleep or something, that is a crazily ridiculous invasion of her privacy. Don't normalize mistreatment of women. Also: Rot in hell. To the people saying "at least it was of you", I refer you to the idea that women have a right to their bodies. If a porn star or someone wants to be giving out naked pictures, that is her right to do so. If you do NOT give consent, IT IS NOT OKAY. I would rather find porn on my boyfriend's phone than something so creepy and objectifying.

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:30

oh god stalker

thatonedude07 0

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:37

creeper!

OwNowBrownCow 0

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:44

Stranger danger

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 1:52

was it a pic you've sent to someone else in the past, or did he unknowingly take it of you himself?

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 2:07

maybe shes a cow n he tire layers are showing mooooo

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 3:27

130: You're a jerk. Women have a right to their own damn bodies. If he's creepily taking pictures when she's asleep or something, that is a crazily ridiculous invasion of her privacy. Don't normalize mistreatment of women. Also: Rot in hell. To the people saying "at least it was of you", I refer you to the idea that women have a right to their bodies. If a porn star or someone wants to be giving out naked pictures, that is her right to do so. If you do NOT give consent, IT IS NOT OKAY. I would rather find porn on my boyfriend's phone than something so creepy and objectifying.

Send a private message

Thursday 16 May 2013 1:36

preach it gurl.

Xx_Slayer_xX 22

Send a private message

Friday 4 December 2015 22:13

Well. I understand where you're coming from, and I sort of agree with you. It could have been from something she has done in the past, as the past always catches you. Correct? Besides, you sound like a feminist.

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:30

lol sneak a pic

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:31

There's probably a reason for that.

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:19

can u fly with those ears? :o

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:26

you like it right in the middle of that circle, right?

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:33

the circle of life? yes it's peaceful, FLY DUMBO FLY!

Sarah__Louise 0

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:34

49 shut up you idiot and get a life

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:35

niga I got one. *throws quarter at u* go buy urself one

Sarah__Louise 0

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:38

lol its funny because you think your funny

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:41

when did I everthink I'm funny? get ur shit straight

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:44

dude shut up leave her alone get a life man.

Sarah__Louise 0

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:44

alright alright, calmmmm :)

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:45

lame. everyone has lives u douche.

Sarah__Louise 0

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:46

thankyou 70 :) x.

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:46

I'm calm :) just had a moment. people like him make me mad haha but people like you cheer me up

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:48

seriously u got HUGE ears!

Sarah__Louise 0

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:49

i wasnt saying to you anyways, seen your comment after i put it  aww thats good!:)

Sarah__Louise 0

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:50

seriously you got HUGE issues, commenting on a persons picture on fml? wow your life must be so exciting... naaaaat!

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 0:59

so what if he does? he's cute to me!:)

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 1:00

82--hypocrite. Weren't you doing that yesterday?

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 1:02

84 thank you you're very pretty :)

Sarah__Louise 0

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 1:04

i was but just cause we were arguing & i was in a childish stupid mood, but i was just messing around, i do apologise though. He's pinpointing something to comment about which is abit harsh..

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 1:28

stupid fkn troll, where's your pic?

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 6:12

wow,59, your probably either the biggest loser or your 5 years old... but you are an asshole

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 11:16

^^^ Everytime I read a comment from you, you're in the midst of owning someone. Do you ever have an off day?

Send a private message

Friday 30 July 2010 17:48

OC- WIN.

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:31

meaning he's stalking you?

22cute 17

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2011 17:10

#1 delete it #2 find out how he got it #3 lose him

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:31

SEX IS GREAT!

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:32

stalker boyfriend? sounds like the plot of a really bad/gay movie

KK3137 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 October 2014 16:46

Gay?

kendallkbabe7787 0

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:33

dang your boyfriends a pig lol

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 22:08

At least he didnt have pics of someone else!

Send a private message

Sunday 1 July 2012 4:31

Wow your fucking fat

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:33

Well you're responsible for this... a relationship is a two way ordeal.

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:33

YDI for not giving him what he wants haha. just kidding that's gross

Send a private message

Thursday 29 July 2010 23:33

Did your window frame show up in the picture?

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 41

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 144

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 935