By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Spicy
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
I agree, your life sucks 16 432
You deserved it 42 437

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Top comments

It is always safer to put a condom on before making love to yourself.

Why impress people like that? If I saw the condom I would be disgusted, not impressed!

Comments

MagicGiraffe 12

that can't feel great...

That's disgusting. You go to a lingerie store and buy some women's panties, you don't throw a dirty condom in the living room waste basket. Even people that do get laid don't do that shit. If ANYTHING just leave the condom wrapper!

Not really, I tried it to practice because I'm still a virgin and in a relationship that has been going on for a year and getting pretty intimate, and i want to make sure I know how to safely put it on and take it off when used so I am prepared for the special moment, but I hid the condom in my bedroom trash, I'm not looking to show off

JocelynKaulitz 28

Well, you had sex with your hand if that counts…

1 - I'm sure it felt pretty good..

32- yet you're looking to show off on FML?

pfx2_fml 15

32- it took you a year to get intimate with your girlfriend?

74 - He's still young, I prefer that to the people who get intimate within a month or two.

Once again, a dumb ass 1st comment. Being 1st on FML is not like getting a gold medal.

Actually, a lot of people believe in abstinence.

asoptavlo14 6

I don't know why 32 got thumbed down, he was just telling a story, even if it was graphic.

BeforeItWasCool 12

32- Don't worry. You're not showing off. No one is impressed by that strange, strange tale...

LavenderLunacy14 7

Your username, FTW. Rammstein:)

A month or two?!?! Give me a few hours at the bar, I'll show you sexy time.

You people make me sad

Now hopefully your dog doesn't get to it.

I think OP wants the dog to get to it because that's who he's trying to impress

SousapCody 6

That's just pitiful. And disgusting.

I don't get why he would want his family members to know he's having "sex".

Who said anything about his family finding out?

Because everybody knows you have to have sex to be "cool" now, duh!

Dusty_Busters 15

Why else would he do this? Dummy

cheetahbaby96 8

40- Maybe he has brothers that make fun about him not getting laid or something.

miss_booboo_8 0

Maybe he doesn't live with his family.

It is always safer to put a condom on before making love to yourself.

Exactly. You don't want Jill to get a rash.

Inheritance 10

And here comes Barney Stinson. ;)

How bout "Challenge accepted"? :3

DarkDaedalus009 8

Thank goodness im not the only one :)

the_anti_hipster 7

That's not something to be proud of, dude...

It was what people call, a "joke".

cuzo13 5

Hear that "whoosh"? That was the sound of that joke going right over your head.

savour 0

You arent either

Why impress people like that? If I saw the condom I would be disgusted, not impressed!

Same here. Used condoms look disgusting. No one wants to see that.

63 - I'd rather see that then a used tampon.

*thAn. Before the grammar police get me.

SmileyKyliKins 4

Nice save my friend because I am the grammar police.

Smokohauntas 3

Hey, grammar police, you forgot a comma.

How is this an FML? Did his mom or dad find it? Did the baby sibling think it was a balloon? Too little info

It's not that hard to pick up a girl, OP Go to the club or something.

Not everyone is pimp like yourself ... Some ppl just don't have as much luck with the ladies or maybe he is just waiting for miss Right :)

Dusty_Busters 15

Haha yea right virgin

Dude, he's probably like 12. I don't think he can get into any clubs. Unless it's like the Mickey Mouse club.

Yeah, checked his profile, he is 16. I'm 100% positive that this player hasn't had sex with anyone in any clubs. However, I'm sure Jill gets a thorough working over.

FMLshark 12

10: Believe it or not, hooking up from random skanks at clubs doesn't sound appealing to EVERY man. I know. The idea of a guy not whoring around is APPALLING, right? 57: A majority of people who use "virgin" as an insult are...ironically enough, also virgins. Please don't write me a detailed response trying to prove me your awesome sex life with your imaginary girlfriend, it won't work. That's all for today.

FMLshark, you're my hero.

perdix 29

#10, it can be hard to pick up girls at clubs. You have to have smooth lines, nice clothes and money to liquor them up into a stupor. If the OP wants to accomplish his goal, he can dress up as a girl and go on down to the truck stop and offer free blow jobs. He will undoubtedly be able to rid himself of his v-card.

Well for some people it is. I found out it wasnt but beofre that just the idea of going out and picking up a girl to bring home was scary to me. So yes it's kinda easy...but its hard at the same time.

miss_booboo_8 0

Maybe he just isn't all that attractive that even drunk people can tell.

No one cares if you're getting laid. Seriously, sex isn't something to be 'proud' of. It's something that happens when it happens. Having it won't prove yourself to anyone.

OhDearBetrayal 25

It's the importance and 'cool' factor that's placed on it these days. Example being the common "you need to get laid" and the fact that being a virgin is something that isn't exactly regarded to very highly in the Western world. Everyone wants experience in sexual intimacy. There isn't anything wrong with being a virgin or not being one, but that's what the popular opinion is.

Obviously that's why OP has felt pressured into doing this but 11 was saying it shouldn't be that way, that way of thinking isn't right and a good number of us don't actually care.

Trisha_aus 15

But maybe he is a 40 year old virgin?

If he's actually a 40 year old virgin, he should just go to Vegas and get a hooker.