Intimacy: Today, I got diarrhea. During sex. I didn’t even make it out... - FML

By oopsie

Today, I got diarrhea. During sex. I didn’t even make it out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3775

You deserved it

339

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Corporate ass

The X Factor

By Anonymous - United States - Papillion

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me with my best friend. He actually had the balls to say her leg was asleep and he was trying to wake it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5300

You deserved it

335

Tweet

Share

By useless pos - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42155

You deserved it

12280

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 16:59

Overcome

Today, I just finished a client meeting. I couldn’t stop stuttering and couldn’t answer their questions. Towards the end, they just ignored me. I’ve been in the job for a year. I’m pretty much in tears now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

796

You deserved it

188

Tweet

Share

By I'm an asshole - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I complimented a guy on his Van Gogh costume. As it turns out, he had an infection in his ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9192

You deserved it

1579

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called the college of my dreams to check the status of my application. Turns out they "never received" copies of my transcripts. They did however cash the $70 application fee that was mailed with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32966

You deserved it

2484

Tweet

Share

By emi

Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't let him sleep on my pillow, but he snores too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21899

You deserved it

5295

Tweet

Share

By Meghan Elise

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2294

You deserved it

146

Tweet

Share

By dinkley7 - 20/3/2021 21:30

USA! FUCK YEAH!

Today, at work, I had to tell someone to put out a cigarette. He yelled at me saying it’s a free country. I work at a gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks

956

You deserved it

54

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34394

You deserved it

2986

Tweet

Share

By super maman - France - Montauban

Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43607

You deserved it

5462

Tweet

Share

By *SuperCringe*

Today, I was matched with my boss on Tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3092

You deserved it

953

Tweet

Share

By rawr

Losing my mind

Today, I managed to lose a 3XL fleece jacket in my house, which had my wallet and car keys in it. I had the pleasure of explaining this to my boss when I had to call in, after everyone I called did not respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1337

You deserved it

331

Tweet

Share

By AngryBirdman

Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42158

You deserved it

3675

Tweet

Share

By Alex - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22008

You deserved it

2950

Tweet

Share

By KMO - United States

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13072

You deserved it

28428

Tweet

Share

By youknowyoureoptimisticwhen - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I went to McDonald's. I was unaware of the Monopoly contest that they were holding. I was also unaware that you have to get 3 stickers of the same colour to claim your prize, and that it's not that easy to win a Jeep Cherokee. Taking down my Facebook post was awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12611

You deserved it

20032

Tweet

Share

By rugernut13 - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27085

You deserved it

6437

Tweet

Share

By ishyboo - United States - Baraboo

Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15258

You deserved it

28706

Tweet

Share

By Rejected - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I told my wife that she gets 100% of me and I keep nothing from her. She told me she doesn't want it and that I should get counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10615

You deserved it

1255

Tweet

Share

By rmonk - United States - Naperville

Today, I went to my required district science fair with my project about gliders and was a bit unprepared in terms of personal knowledge on the science behind gliders. I was hoping I would get a judge who didn't know a lot about aerodynamics. One of my judges was a glider pilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11669

You deserved it

22797

Tweet

Share

By mistletoe - United States - Miami

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

54806

You deserved it

5175

Tweet

Share

By Miriam

Today, I attended a white elephant party at work and the box I picked had whisky and beer. Since I am a Muslim, I took it to my Christian friend's house and gave it to him. As I was walking there, I passed my imam on the street. Awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9675

You deserved it

1245

Tweet

Share

By tickdog - United States - Rockwall

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22802

You deserved it

5432

Tweet

Share

By MotherNatureMustDie - South Africa

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14937

You deserved it

38473

Tweet

Share

By jcheer113 - United States

Today, while I was driving, I saw my driving instructor from high school walking on the sidewalk. As I waved to him, I rear-ended the car in front of me. Guess I really showed him how much I learned from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8903

You deserved it

31643

Tweet

Share

By confused - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38124

You deserved it

2954

Tweet

Share

By Charlie - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44381

You deserved it

21070

Tweet

Share

By tatatest - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11453

You deserved it

58791

Tweet

Share

By ifaisal - Qatar

Today, I was on a date with someone I've had a crush on for a long time. It was after midnight, we were chatting in the car and I was close to having my first kiss ever. That is, until a bunch of policemen popped up to arrest my date for being a suspected drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35283

You deserved it

3574

Tweet

Share

By blah! - 13/12/2020 14:01

Unionize

Today, I found out I'm pregnant, after quitting my job because they asked us to work for free due to COVID. So because I quit, I'm no longer eligible for maternity leave. I didn’t know that I was 4 months pregnant. I could've just gotten a doctor's note for medical reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

903

You deserved it

411

Tweet

Share

By girlgirlinsanity - United States

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40379

You deserved it

5752

Tweet

Share

By almostkilledmyself - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19192

You deserved it

32219

Tweet

Share

By crookedteeth - United States

Today, for my birthday, my mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay for my braces. I've been very self-conscious about my teeth for years. Everyone applauded and told me how happy they were for me. Later, my mom asked me for the check back. Apparently it was just meant to make her look good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72157

You deserved it

2814

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bakersfield

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42667

You deserved it

4115

Tweet

Share

By kdriver - Canada - Oakville

Today, I'm fostering a very shy cat who doesn't like to be held. I had to move the litter box to another room, but when I picked him up to show him where I'd moved it to, he peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11342

You deserved it

1712

Tweet

Share

By lance - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by a cop and was fined $210 for making an illegal u-turn. When the cop finished writing my ticket and hopped in his car, he made the same u-turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48695

You deserved it

7444

Tweet

Share

By what did i marry - United States - Memphis

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the Earth is not flat. He didn’t believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3772

You deserved it

560

Tweet

Share

By bademployee - United States - Portland

Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29800

You deserved it

21529

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20181

You deserved it

8294

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Mclean

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39518

You deserved it

4098

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By davidfong | 14

#7799087 - Thursday 2 May 2019 0:44

Well this brings a new meaning to getting the shit fucked out of you.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7799032 - Wednesday 1 May 2019 21:17

I’m not sure which would be worse: the person you were having sex with leaving forever immediately, or you having someone who can tolerate being shat upon.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7799032 - Wednesday 1 May 2019 21:17

I’m not sure which would be worse: the person you were having sex with leaving forever immediately, or you having someone who can tolerate being shat upon.

Reply

BEEEEES | 15

#7799446 - Thursday 2 May 2019 22:39

Having someone who can tolerate that is called true love. Accidents happen, we don't know if they were sick or something, shit happens.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7799033 - Wednesday 1 May 2019 21:26

Now thats a shitty situation 🤣🤣

Reply

diana | 6

#7799503 - Friday 3 May 2019 3:35

ba dam tss 😃

By aangel94 | 9

#7799034 - Wednesday 1 May 2019 21:30

I pray every single day this never ever happens to me

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#7799086 - Thursday 2 May 2019 0:44

You win for the month of May which is now 2019.

By davidfong | 14

#7799087 - Thursday 2 May 2019 0:44

Well this brings a new meaning to getting the shit fucked out of you.

Reply

Nic1330 | 4

#7799756 - Saturday 4 May 2019 1:14

🤣🤣🤣

By TCRII | 29

#7799094 - Thursday 2 May 2019 1:05

My core philosophy is “Better you than me”.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7799118 - Thursday 2 May 2019 2:47

Protip: This is what butt plugs are actually for.

Reply

BEEEEES | 15

#7799448 - Thursday 2 May 2019 22:40

Wait for real?

Reply

BEEEEES | 15

#7799450 - Thursday 2 May 2019 22:43

Wait for real?

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#7799125 - Thursday 2 May 2019 3:20

Your name isn't Willam Shatner is it?

By revidffum69 | 22

#7799777 - Saturday 4 May 2019 4:46

Was it anal?

By nononsensechick | 12

#7799900 - Saturday 4 May 2019 15:44

Doesn’t matter, had sex