Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, I was cleaning my older brother's room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand. FML
Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
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Top comments
s0m3guy2010 21
It is always safer to put a condom on before making love to yourself.
thacar 1
Why impress people like that? If I saw the condom I would be disgusted, not impressed!
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Comments (191)
99megster 15
I'm going to assume that op is living with his parents. Does he really think they will be proud and/or impressed when they find a used condom in the garbage?
Im_MrSoloDolo 2
This app is getting less and less funny
dude1122332 9
A good FML will come. Some day..
Leslier_fml 4
That's just sad
flipcrazy 0
From my experience the only people who would be impressed or even really care about whether or not you have an active sex life are teenagers and virgins
ashtonlm 3
Wow that's pitiful sorry to say it but it is...
Philerup31 12
Forever Alone
neets332 2
Whatever makes you feel good hun. no judgment
TeddyB88 4
You're never gonna get laid with that attitude. Side note dude, never lie on your dick. The girl you tell that to will find out if it comes to that point and then your rep will be shit. Especially the slutty ones talk and will put your " non virgin" performance out there
suckmylife669 0
What do you say when someone asks you who you dd it with? What are you going to say? Your left hand?
peachyFML 17
No, his right hand.
SweetJTBR 22
Dude, that is just sad. Who do you have to prove that to anyways? I'm a virgin myself and I don't do such things. There's no need for it. It will happen someday, relax. :) P.S.: I know 'Tis be odd coming from a guy who just said he's a virgin but, hey, it's true!
IOmnomHard 10
I'm thoroughly disappointed in your misuse of 'tis. :(
TeddyB88 4
I'm with him on that. If you were to use tis In that statement, take out "be" so it shows " tis odd".
Dracoboxer357 36
Hey, 48 and 67: 37 didn't use Tis well, okay, fine. Did you happen to notice he actually said something else that was note worthy and completely correct IMHO? :) I agree with you, 37, it isn't that big of a deal and it will likely happen eventually if Op wants it too. There is no need for shallow displays of false sexual evidence. :p Kudos for you to stand up and say so though. :)