By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks 52 130
You deserved it 26 061

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I'm sure he was bribed with dog-treats to snitch on you. I suggest you double whatever his current rate is.

I fucking love animals

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I'm sure he was bribed with dog-treats to snitch on you. I suggest you double whatever his current rate is.

Flea medicine and vodka SHOTS

irrelevant to the fml, but I hate your profile pic >:( I was like "why are you not coming off!?" ahaha

#33: My favorite pet tried to kill me two weeks ago. I still love her, and won't be getting rid of her just because she threw a tantrum. A condom-toting dog doesn't deserve to be sentenced to jail time and the possibility of capital punishment.

# 33. Your comment makes me feel sorry for you and any animal you have contact with. What kind of person wants to send a dog to die in the pound because they picked up your used condom? That is shameful. Buy a trash can with a good lid.

Man's best friend is a snitch!

Snitches get bitches, Or something like that.

Stitches* and wake up in ditches!

Would you do it for Scooby snack? I'm pretty sure his dog did.

Maybe it was for a Klondike bar.

I fucking love animals

I love fucking animals

Well, who doesn't love bitches? :D

Animals fucking love I.

17- haha glad you got that reference

Animals love fucking?

New generation of ILFA, join us

I disagree, this was clearly pay back for OP getting the dog "fixed".

#42 A "bitch" is a female dog. Clearly you didn't get the pun

I get that it had a double meaning here. I was speaking only to the aspect of the dog being a bitch in the sense of mean heartedness. My comment is simply that the dog was like "oh you're taking me to the vet are you? Well I'll fix you!"

#54, female dogs can be fixed as well as male dogs...

He could have pretended that it was daddy's condom

Well... where did you leave it that the dog could have gotten it out in the first place? Now you know to dispose of such things properly. xP

My dog gets into the trash can in my room, which has a lid. "Disposing of such things properly" doesn't always work.

This exact situation happened to me once. Was buried in the trash instead of flushing it and some time later the dog is running around the house with it. Not cool.

Disposing of it probably usually means flushing it down the toilet. No way the dog will get it then.

NO DO NOT FLUSH CONDOMS THAT IS NOT PROPER DISPOSAL. you will ruin your plumbing

Don't flush condoms! You don't want to see your plumbing clogged with them... especially if you and girlfriend don't even use them... Get the reference? ;)

Another reason I'm glad that I don't have a dog. FYL. That sucks

Screw you dogs rule.

That's a reason why you're glad you don't have a dog? How many used condoms do you have lying around your room that you're afraid a potential dog might discover them?

Another reason I'm glad I don't use condoms. FYL. That sucks

I see a paternity suit in your future.

Your profile pic and comment match perfectly

I vouch for condoms being no good. if ladies are considering BC, I must recommend an IUD. it was the best decision I've made. I'm sure I look like a creep and get a few down thumbs, but in these days of wild intercourse and unplanned pregnancies, if I can influence one young girl to use BC it's totally worth it. and the device is that good I'm advocating its use to random folks on an app. "safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex, cause you don't want that late text, that 'I think I'm late' text."

IUD'S do not protect you from STD'S, people don't only use condoms to avoid getting pregnant they also use them to avoid STD'S please don't listen to #55 if you want to get on birth control as well as using condoms then good double the protection for you, but please do not stop using condoms you can use both.

ah. I forgot some are less than smart. this is useful if the person you're sleeping with is clean. so if you're easy and sleep with people with a sketchy past have common sense enough to take every and all possible precautions you can. just because I said I don't like them doesn't mean I was telling others not to use them.

Almost everyone I know that used an IUD either ended up having serious problems with it or ended up pregnant. Would definitely not recommend. I used the depo and it was worry free.

Yes, 77, because EVERYONE knows that, if a person has an STD, that person's past is "sketchy". I mean, it's clearly impossible to contract an STD when they are being birthed by a mother who has an STD. It's also clearly impossible to contract an STD through a needle, rather it be a tattoo needle or a needle to draw blood. No. A person can ONLY get an STD if they're "easy" or "have a sketchy past". Nevermind the fact that even wedded people who love each other can catch an STD from oral sex(genital herpes, specifically since herpes 1 and 2 are interchangable) between each other. Just to be clear, I am being sarcastic. I didn't mean to rant. Just the "if you're easy and have a sketchy past" part irritated me because I know plenty of people in a long-term and/or commited relationship who have contracted an STD from their partner.

You are sketchy if you know you have an STD and you don't disclose it to your partner. Someone who contracted an STD through no fault of their own wouldn't be sketchy and would hopefully be intelligent enough to warn potential partners long before becoming intimate.

I know #77 is coming from a good place here but seriously please don't get an IUD. I've had literally five different friends who got IUD's and every one of them had serious problems. I know they work sometimes but they're just not worth the risk. My best friend was hospitalized because of hers.

He probably wants to play fetch!

Play it cool like Shaggy. "It wasn't me!!"

You could say, "well at least the dog uses protection, we wouldn't any puppies now would we mom and dad?" Maybe they laugh long enough to let you make a clean getaway.

that goes great with the situation.

OP - "Oh that? That right there?..... That's not mine." Parents - "Then whos is it!?" OP - "........That's not mine."

"Ummmm... Looks like the dog's been into the neighbour's garbage again...?!"

Good practice is too simply flush it immediately after and dispose of the wrapper elsewear. Usually garbage on the way to the store.

Flushing a condom isn't the brightest idea.

If the toilet isnt going through a pump, its fine. My toilet is not and so its fine. It was merely a suggestion and trying to help him out.

no, its never fine to flush a condom. they go in a garbage bin.

I have never heard that. My mistake then.

#38, don't forget to tie it up first!

I hope your parents lay it easy on you for using protection.