By Madison43097 - United States

The Three Bears Conundrum

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

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29612

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Intimacy

Commando

Triage

Bad news

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was excited when I saw a missed call. It wasn't my ex-boyfriend finally willing to talk, it was the creepy guy I met on the bus in November who I haven't seen since but has written me poetry. FML

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24042

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By annie - 17/11/2020 00:08 - United States - Denver

Ruined art

Today, while sitting on a bench drawing, some guy went up to me, yelled, “YOUR ART SUCKS” and flipped my sketchpad out of my hands. I’d been working on that piece for hours and now there’s a big black pencil streak on it. FML

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1232

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By K3you - United States

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids just wouldn't look right. FML

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45682

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3573

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By screwed. - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

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21375

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By cheaphubbyswife - Canada

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away and we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

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80393

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By oh my soul

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5746

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2008

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By BannedfromFriend - United States

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

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24758

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10864

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

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25728

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52923

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By UnfortunateGirly - Australia

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

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28187

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By LacrosseFAIL - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after a long day at work, I walked into my room with the lights off and jumped on my bed. At least I would've if I haven't rearranged my room and instead face-planted onto my desk. FML

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10983

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By geeklove - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34645

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By Andrew - United States

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36057

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By AvocadoPurse

Today, my mother-in-law took a phone message on the back of my marriage license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2662

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266

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By Llamadroid - United States - Los Angeles

Today, out of my whole class, I received no awards. All my teachers thought that I would get plenty from the others. Now people think I'm stupid. I have a 3.66 GPA and they won't believe me. FML

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12614

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1445

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By yaa - Canada

Today, on my way out of the subway station, I noticed an older woman standing at the bottom of a flight of stairs with a large cart. I went up to her and asked if she needed help getting it up the stairs. She looks me up and down and says, "No, not from you." FML

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47985

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4242

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By Anonymous

Pleasant smell

Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML

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1811

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184

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By CoffeeStained - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27293

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10050

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By BRELLA - United States

The wrong kind of banging

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50948

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3920

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By catfriend - United States - Salida

Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

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45912

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4819

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By fmlfmlfml - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

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24822

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60749

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By Blah

Unloveable

Today, it was my second day of house-sitting. I was so out of my mind from not seeing people that I invited a bunch of friends over for dinner. I said I would pay for pizza and we could all hang out in the house. Even with an unsupervised house and free food, no one showed. FML

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1840

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366

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By Illinoisgirl - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

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40119

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3028

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By Hopelesshomeless - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I moved back to my home town. My best friend and I had arranged to rent a house together that we both liked. I finished my last day at work and made the three-hour drive, only for her to break down and tell me that she isn't "ready" to move out of her parents' basement. She's 25. FML

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35943

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By last time I drive stoned - United Kingdom

Today, I was stuck at a red light on an empty road for ten minutes before I finally realised that not only was I looking at the wrong traffic light, it was also broken. FML

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8389

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

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95179

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I found out that I'm highly-placed in my wrestling competition this year. I also found out that I have mono and won't be able to take part for at least the first half of the competition. FML

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39355

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3930

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By NoFunForMe - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. We were on a train next to each other for 6 hours, to a festival where our tents were pitched next to each other. We're here for 5 days. FML

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26344

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By Jims - Singapore

Today, the only person who wished me a happy birthday is the policeman who checked my identity card for being "suspiciously gangster-like". FML

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39359

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By loserman - United States - Frisco

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

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60630

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3762

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By mrwilly - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

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33752

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4867

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By squeak - United Kingdom

Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML

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34048

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By Angrymom

Today, my teenage son informed me that when he’s too lazy to walk to the bathroom, he uses the kitchen sink as a toilet. I use that sink every day to wash vegetables for my family's dinner. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

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3023

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310

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By Anonymous - United States - Hartford

Today, I realized that although I'm dating the most loveable, caring and genuine man, the fact that he's a crack addict means I'll never be his drug of choice when he needs a hit. FML

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30844

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21489

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By hatboxghost - United States

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65818

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7701

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By Noname - United States

Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML

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18040

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29036

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By kat - Reserved

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

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27634

You deserved it

3044

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Westbury

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45719

You deserved it

6333

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By Flooded - United States

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26946

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3506

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By givingup - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

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35786

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62990

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By Anonymous - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Tuzla

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

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48566

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Top comments

By OhhxGoshhxAri | 0

#584945 - Friday 25 September 2009 1:46

You know, that really makes you wonder who's that was. If it's your parents, then FYL. That would be gross. :x

By Nocturnal558 | 0

#584960 - Friday 25 September 2009 1:51

It was your neighboor, and a dog!

COMMENTS

By kionnalexus | 0

#584932 - Friday 25 September 2009 1:42

um, thats freaking sick ;O

christhehaxxor | 2

#3723013 - Tuesday 13 December 2011 2:54

Maybe someone rapped you in your sleep and left the condom behind?

vanillacocoa | 6

#4406706 - Tuesday 8 May 2012 12:07

Called Rape ya mean?

By OhhxGoshhxAri | 0

#584945 - Friday 25 September 2009 1:46

You know, that really makes you wonder who's that was. If it's your parents, then FYL. That would be gross. :x

MadVlrus | 1

#617580 - Monday 12 October 2009 19:56

Just the parents? Whose should it be not to make it 'fyl'? :/

By Nocturnal558 | 0

#584960 - Friday 25 September 2009 1:51

It was your neighboor, and a dog!

fredward47 | 16

#5882578 - Wednesday 12 March 2014 4:01

that puts disturbing images in mind...

By CL41RE | 0

#584971 - Friday 25 September 2009 1:54

fyl?

By Lolcatherd | 0

#584980 - Friday 25 September 2009 2:01

Sorry. XD

By begrunge | 0

#585019 - Friday 25 September 2009 2:25

Parents? o_o

...if so, your parents have sick fetishes.

By anniemarie | 0

#585027 - Friday 25 September 2009 2:32

hahaha. gross!

By Brittface | 6

#585029 - Friday 25 September 2009 2:34

Ugh!
that's fucking creepy.
FYL sorry

By AshleysWorld | 0

#585046 - Friday 25 September 2009 2:42

Your parents enjoy your room. Or someone came in your house. O_0

SokDek | 14

#1134845 - Saturday 24 July 2010 22:24

9- nice pun...

By someoned | 0

#585057 - Friday 25 September 2009 2:45

you deserve it for living among humanity