Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
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Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
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Comments (180)
danulp02 0
don't drive drunk. and yea... #60, i hope you get a DUI very soon
95camarov6 0
I really hope you got a DUI on the way home too.
kimboandy1701 0
you shouldnt drive drunk stupid.
courtneydisney 0
Drunk driving and assault - smooth.
shawn_fml 0
good thing u didnt kill her.
ssnickel 0
You were driving drunk, you asshole. You're lucky that's the only stupid thing you did. You could've killed someone.
wajohns09 0
Drinking and driving, shame on you. Perhaps someone should twist your neck, and shame on her for getting in the car with you.
xClarkGable 0
You're ******* dumb and shouldn't have a license. Also, don't get drunk next time.
LittleGreenBean 0
WOW roflcopter!, the comments are often just as funny or more funny than the fml line. I have to say, it was slightly implied that you were drinking and driving. So in the event that you were; rot in hell you son of a bitch, you could have killed her, yourself, or an innocent other driver or pedestrian if in the event that your werent. haha your very smooth, your DD must have had an interesting time with her trying to explain to the paramedics what happened. you could have atleast warned her so she could brace herself ya drunktard. Better luck next time, if she takes you back.
Nandian90 0
YDI, Drunk Driving