Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
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Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
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Comments (180)
rt523 0
to all the people arguing about whether he loved her or not...you don't typically break the neck of someone you love, drunk or not! lol jk, im sure you didn't mean to but next time try sobering up before you kiss her. and i really hope you weren't drunk driving.
member0987654321 0
first of all.. wtf? that sucks and uhh 103 you're a dumbass. drunk. enough said. and drunk driving, dayum holmes, gotta get that shit under control! call a cab or something. just don't get into your car! and yeah, for being thaaat drunk, especially around a girl you think you love, is dumb.
badboy6865 0
lenny? ... the best laid plans of mice and men oft go gang agley... ill be suprised if any of u young'uns that peruse this website actually get this
wichitagirl87 0
drunk ass. i woulda gave you a nice kick in the ball sack! lol
trthorson 0
"Today, a guy who thinks he loves me, tries to kiss me, drunk, and instead twists my head. I'm now in a neck brace. FML."
yojoeletsmakeout 0
#105 i just finished reading 'of mice and men' and as soon as i read this, i thought of lennie and curley's wife. anyway, definitely YDI. i would dump you if i was her.
were_giraffe 2
Not only did you kiss her drunk and screw up her neck.... um... WHO was driving? Because if it was you... hell if you're too drunk to kiss a girl right, you're too drunk to even THINK about getting behind the wheel. Seriously. That's ******* lame.
Sock_fml 0
A future drunken wife beater-and-a-half
xThatRandomGirlx 0
#60, I can't think of anything more idiotic to say about drunk driving. I know several people whose lives were ruined by it. Try saying all that to them and see how they react, asshole. #101, I highly doubt she'll understand something like this.
sarahashley 0
maybe they took a cab? lol