Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
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Top comments
lelo_lala 0
You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.
eric237 0
this fml makes you sound like a rapist
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Comments (180)
user1101 0
i see your passion, but that sucks for her
neverland_fml 0
Nothing says lovin' like drunken physical abuse. :
CHOOKEN 0
awwwwwww u poor thing... well its the thought that counts... very funny story though
ful_fml 0
You deserve every FML ever posted to happen too you for drunk driving.
arms_akimbo 0
I think maybe this is worth pointing out that... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING DRIVING.
twiles 0
You totally deserved that you idiot. I clicked YDI as soon as I read the part about you being drunk while driving. And #60, you're a ******* ignorant bastard.
mikaela33194 0
I would like to point out for maybe the 8th time on this post, it is possible the OP was not driving. It doesn't say "she got out of my car" it says "she got out of the car". There are such things as taxis. I'm not saying that it is totally out of the realm of possibility that the OP drove drunk. But it is also plausible the OP did NOT.
Melsy187 3
You're a ******* moron. Drinking and driving, then breaking her neck? FYL.
BobSwarley 4
i bet she was REAL impressed with you also, taxi's aren't that expensive you cheapskate
Ohhaithar 0
LOL. To the love related comments - I believe you can be in love but not be together. I'm not talking about silly idle teen fantasies, but actual love. What if being together was something that was impossible? A relationship does not determine love. Being enamoured seems like a watered down version of love - which is probably is. You could fall in love with someone, and they may not reciprocate those feelings immediately, but when they are eventually in love with you, why is it only then that some fools would call it actual love? I've honestly been in love - he fell in love before I did. I was unaware. Only when I confessed did he, also. Yes, we did get together eventually, and sadly it fell apart due to certain painful circumstances. Open your mind a bit more, mkay?