Sex and Intimacy: Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best...

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 227

You deserved it 17 609

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 475

You deserved it 7 481

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 630

You deserved it 5 532

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 141

You deserved it 4 171

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 500

You deserved it 5 059

By Chakkamofo - 01/02/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 009

You deserved it 2 455

Like a virgin

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 17:01

Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 498

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 202

By soapysoap - 10/12/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 887

You deserved it 4 939

By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 560

You deserved it 17 507

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 687

You deserved it 91 590

kate08_fml 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:14

that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously

silkee_shiny 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:19

Happy Birthday hun :)

Comments

kate08_fml 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:14

that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously

MadeOfAwesome 1

Monday 3 May 2010 4:46

Why would a showerhead need to massage?O.o *threadjacks shamelessly*

Dmars444 4

Tuesday 10 May 2011 15:15

it's not a massaging showerhead as such, I'm guessing it's the streams that apply pressure so it would feel like a massage on your head/back/other.

iBiteRoses 22

Tuesday 18 October 2011 8:32

"Other" is right! YEAH

Scarlettx7 0

Sunday 11 December 2011 1:58

Go on a dating website , your probably too shy

BannedDistress78 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:17

maybe you should call me xD

greenman_fml 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:18

Reenact that display in public and maybe you'll get some action

EmbalmingTheatre 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:19

FYL indeed, I sincerely feel sorry for you.

silkee_shiny 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:19

Happy Birthday hun :)

rosetintedglassz 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:20

You could try batting for the other team. Some times I feel sorry for straight women and what they are missing out on. All of these stories about women never reaching climax during sex and I just wonder why lesbianism isn't more popular. While the shower head has a 100% success rate, I can say with confidence that my GF has about a 95% success rate and they are a thousand times better than what the shower head can do. Good luck to you.

srammer99 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 0:39

shutup

xJaypex 0

Wednesday 15 December 2010 10:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

PenultimateTaco 14

Sunday 10 November 2013 10:28

#190 What the hell? I'm not even sure if you're serious, but what she's saying is completely true.

joeyl2008 29

Sunday 14 February 2016 15:26

If she didn't have her first ****** until 35 I think it's fairly obvious it isn't any guys fault.

randybryant799 20

Friday 4 February 2022 20:00

you think. you have no way of knowing when she fakes it.

_no_fyourlife 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:23

Technically its not a gift if you bought it for yourself. If you had have given it to somebody to give to you that would have been ok though.

bartholemew4life 0

Saturday 25 July 2009 8:04

haha to technicalities.

SpicyMaduros 4

Thursday 4 August 2011 11:11

Nonsense, she may have given herself the gift, but the gift gave her ******! Now I know what to get when someone asks for the gift that keeps on giving...