By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Spicy
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks 64 354
You deserved it 7 443

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Self-masturbation? Is there any other kind? Lol. I'm sorry. I'm not usually a grammar Nazi on these websites, but I felt like being a smart ass. Maybe she got it for you to spice things up in your sex life? She might like the idea of you using it. I don't know. I don't really think this is an FML, but I'm sorry that you were unhappy with it.

This isn't an FML, this is just an idiot who doesn't realize what a nice wife he has. She doesn't have to have sex with you whenever you want, but she still wants you to be happy and satisfied, so she buys you an aid to help you out whenever she can't. That's thoughtful and kind. F your wife's life because she's got such a prick for a husband.

Comments

hahahahaha. sucks for you. you should demand sex.

I see no Fml clearly she understands the needs of non-sexually active teens. And knows all girls have to fill a void(pun intended)

Sex with someone you love, right?

omg quit your bitching that's a nice gift. don't take it the wrong way like a douchebag.

lol #4 you sound special

Yeah, it's a "nice" way of saying, "go fuck yourself (because I no longer want to)."

Your wife's hilarious!

Self-masturbation? Is there any other kind? Lol. I'm sorry. I'm not usually a grammar Nazi on these websites, but I felt like being a smart ass. Maybe she got it for you to spice things up in your sex life? She might like the idea of you using it. I don't know. I don't really think this is an FML, but I'm sorry that you were unhappy with it.

Yes, there's the case where the partner does the work for you :)

judging by ur picture, u r so ugly ur probably a virgin.

holy crap you're so ugly! :O

and judging by your about me + comment, you're just a stupid prep obsessed with FML. get the helll off here and make some real friends. b*tch.

ha. ha. ^ its from this month. people stop to comment on your ugliness. :) im sorry. :c

^-female dog move right there.

"Mutual masturbation" - when you both touch each other's fun bits.

Have Fun! :D Lol XD....

Ouch. It would seem to me that a) you are bad in bed and she just can't put up with it anymore b) she's not attracted to you or c) she has a medical problem that makes sex not enjoyable for her. I personally would ask her why she gave it to you.. Who knows, maybe she was just trying to be nice, but it seems like it was more of a hint to me..

Was it a fleshlight? You should be thanking her if it was, and not complaining on a website.

I was going to ask the same thing!

maybe she just wants to spice it up a little. using toys together is even more fun!