Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML
Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML
Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML
Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML
Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
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Top comments
kate08_fml 0
that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously
silkee_shiny 0
Happy Birthday hun :)
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Comments (197)
manekineko_fml 0
Haha, aww. No one here is going to admit it, but you're not really that weird -- a LOT of women don't ****** from intercourse alone, it takes mechanical aid! ;) It's not necessarily men's fault or your fault... it can be really hard for some women to achieve ****** even on their own
spiceonice 0
hey the showerhead rocks. don't be disrespectin
SuRg3 0
Happy Belated Birthday!
rxysurfbum07 0
LOLOL at #2. That just made my day. "Why can't you be" by Third Eye Blind. Enough said. Anybody? Anybody???
eyebrowz 0
yeah I've been with this guy for 2 years and have never had an ****** (ever!)...so it's possible... I might have to go get a shower head too!
cbdee 8
Never, Ever?!??!!!?!?
dearViena 0
#21 is right.
mattmag 0
If this is because of your appearance, exercise and wear makeup. If it is because you don't communicate well, work on it!
Kitty34_fml 0
A lot of women have never orgasmed, it's normal. And most of the time, a showerhead/vibrator ****** is better than an ****** given by someone else.
michelleeeDOHME 0
yayyy! I
Kitty34_fml 0
And for people who are saying she hasn't had an ****** because she's too ugly to have a boyfriend or something: that's not necessarily true. All men and women are different. It might be that this woman just isn't able to reach ****** easily. Or all the men she has been with aren't aware how to do it for her. It's not necessarily because she's ugly/fat/stupid/lazy or whatever. There are TONS of women who don't ******. Hell - your girlfriend probably even fakes once in a while. Google "How many women fake orgasms?" The answer is usually 75% or more!