Love: Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of...

By soapysoap - 10/12/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 778

You deserved it 4 918

Love

This Charming Man

Broken heart

You tried

By ohemgee - 11/03/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 636

You deserved it 4 864

By Ringo McDingo - 26/03/2012 04:31 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 182

You deserved it 2 188

By Queen_of_Night - 27/10/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 302

You deserved it 6 551

By JPlays - 13/09/2016 03:31 - United States - Henderson

Today, after days of working with a client on plans for a project, I received a message half way through completion saying the deal was off because "my prices were so low it seemed like a scam". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 479

You deserved it 946

That shirt is FIRE!

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 04:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my shirt caught on fire when I was burning paper for my ancestors at the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 336

By Anonymous - 01/08/2014 18:27 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I found out that my wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 932

You deserved it 4 882

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 212

You deserved it 3 984

By Ropebunnbon - 15/08/2018 13:00

Today, after leaving for the city inspector to make sure everything was up to code, my husband and I remembered that we'd forgotten to take down the rope bondage setup and equipment in the closet. We came home to paperwork on the kitchen counter and the closet door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 520

You deserved it 1 229

By Anonymous - 02/11/2015 19:25 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend had the choice of A) living alone gaming, or B) moving in with me, gaming in his own man-cave, lots of sex, and lots of pizza. He chose choice A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 948

You deserved it 5 139

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, I was out skating with a guy I really like. I put on my best moves, to impress him. I ended up slicing his lip open with my skate mid-jump. His lip is now wired shut by twelve stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 870

You deserved it 36 317

Stranger danger

By Dani - 12/01/2012 10:35 - Australia

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 948

You deserved it 2 601

Medicare for all, y'all

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 17:02

Today, our daughter was diagnosed with hypodontia, which means half her adult teeth never formed, so when she loses baby teeth, no adult teeth exist to replace them. This is going to cost a fortune since she’s either gonna need dentures or multiple surgeries to insert artificial teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 70

By Anonymous - 13/12/2017 06:00

Today, the gas company had to be called into work for a possible gas leak. The pipes are fine. I had White Castle for dinner last night. I'm the gas leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 775

You deserved it 1 189

By Anonymous - 28/07/2014 02:48 - United States - Fresno

Today, I watched a manager and a co-worker sit underneath a table in our store all day as I got yelled at for not working hard enough. I was the only one actually working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 437

You deserved it 2 783

By Anonymous - 16/10/2013 17:37 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 329

You deserved it 10 381

By wheresthelove - 30/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 845

You deserved it 3 041

By noooo!!! - 19/04/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 410

You deserved it 3 937

By mrniceguy - 23/02/2010 18:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 046

You deserved it 2 451

By GeeThanksMom - 25/02/2018 15:00

Today, I’m having knee surgery. I can’t drive for the next week because of the heavy duty pain killers, so my mom told me I'll have to walk to and from school. It’s only a couple of miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 595

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was walking down the hall from the livingroom. I overheard my mom telling someone how proud she was of her baby girl and how much she loved her. I thought she was referring to my first ever all "A" report card. Turns out my new kitten used its litter box correctly for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 997

You deserved it 3 570

By fuckingcool - 14/12/2016 20:59 - United States - Ortonville

Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 937

You deserved it 702

By Useless training - 11/07/2014 06:04 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, we finished a sit-up test at school. I had been training for the athletic tests, so I was proud of my score. When someone asked what I got and I shared, proud, they responded with, "I bet it helps that your fat bounces you back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 641

You deserved it 4 734

By Nosmie - 17/06/2019 15:03

Today, the worst part about not having a sense of smell is that I can’t tell if anyone ate pizza without me. Unless I see an empty box in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 250

By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 16:09 - Norway - Egersund

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 172

You deserved it 6 018

SIKE!

By Scared - 06/07/2021 08:01

Today, in my psychology class, the professor had us write down our name and birthday on one side of the paper and on the other side put down a mental disorder we would like to know more about. I was going to write 'Social anxiety disorder' but I was too worried about what people would think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 188

By newkid - 13/09/2016 19:06

Today, I was so lonely, I dragged out a conversation with a lady who called to get me to make an appointment to give blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 833

You deserved it 1 327

By hotpatata - 06/07/2012 15:03 - United States

Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 004

You deserved it 2 224

By embaressed - 19/12/2009 09:44 - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 3 065

By Anonymous - 22/02/2014 02:47 - United States - Irvine

Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 849

You deserved it 8 220

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 547

You deserved it 83 247

By Oh really - 28/01/2009 00:17 - Australia

Today, my friend mentioned a book that reminded her of me. When I asked what it was called she said, "He's just not that into you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 759

You deserved it 2 293

Two sides to every story

By Anonymous - 08/08/2020 02:02

Today, my grandpa told me that he and grandma had an open relationship, because, "it isn't satisfying to have sexuality with only one person your whole life.” According to grandma, he just cheated on her constantly and she couldn’t do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 125

Shoulda woulda coulda

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 11:00

Today, I did the math: back at college in 2011, I had a $20,000+ reimbursement from my school. If I had invested even half my cash into Bitcoin then ($2.50), I would be worth over $120,000,000. Instead, I said, "Fuck that! This is stupid", and am now over $200,000 in student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 244

By ihatelife - 14/05/2011 23:17 - Canada

Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received. I was excited because I'd been waiting for the coaches to call me back for tryouts for a week now. Trying to figure out how to listen to it, I ended up deleting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 225

You deserved it 28 403

TMI

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Godalming

Today, I sent a photo of my flat to my mother to show her how tidy I’d made it. What I didn’t realise was that my lube and sex toys were also included in the photo of the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 2 383

By Mary Kathryn - 22/04/2012 12:09 - United States - Fremont

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 150

You deserved it 6 545

It creeps up on you

By Anonymous - 10/08/2021 14:01

Today, I looked down while taking a piss and could only see my belly button. Wow, I’m fat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 372

By flattire - 30/03/2009 01:14 - Canada

Today, two really hot guys pulled up in a car next to mine. They were waving at me and pointing down, I figured they were being pigs so I flipped them off. Turns out they were trying to warn me of the flat tire I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 407

You deserved it 84 061

By Piano999 - 21/02/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I lied to my crush telling him I can play the piano. To 'prove' it, I recorded a video on my phone of a girl playing a beautiful piece. After I sent it, I realized my mouse cursor was in the center of the page the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 381

You deserved it 62 060

By Anonymous - 22/10/2018 03:00

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 447

You deserved it 352

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Top comments

cthulhu1138 1

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:20

Ten months and you're already buying him expensive crap?

not_my_life 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:22

I could see if it was one of those fancy soap/lotion etc. gift packages. I'd be more concerned that he wants a specialized car horn, that sounds pretty lame to me.

homemaker 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:04

He prolly got something else coming just wanted you clean up dirty girl

CapinWinky 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 5:05

It's the 10th, it didn't occur to you that this is not your real present?

picturescrazy 24

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Sunday 13 December 2009 8:27

I was thinking the same thing about it not being the real present. And if it is, what a dick ): I'd take the horn back if I were you & get my money back.

lilkim_fml 0

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Sunday 27 June 2010 22:15

agreed

TheChampagneBoi 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 3:22

some people arent that patient so they assume thts there christmas gift

HamburglarVol2 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:05

Haha what a cool guy.

TomasT 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

avoidthegirl 6

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Thursday 10 December 2009 18:54

But a bar of fucking SOAP?! I don't think she should've spent so much money on a guy she's only been with for ten months, but I think the guy is a douchebag for thinking his girlfriend is only worth a bar of soap. OP, just return the horn (if you can), buy your boyfriend a bottle of bodywash and call it even. If he bitches about it, tell him to STFU and be greatful that he got bodywash instead of a bar of soap :)

harmony88 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 20:02

I sense hyperbole.... it may have been Wal-Mart soap, but it was probably one of those prepackaged gift deals rather than a literal bar of equate soap. Or maybe she misinterpreted the gesture entirely and it's not a gift at all. Also, it's kind of lame to *expect* gifts from others..... that's really not the point of the holiday at all. It's nice to receive them, but not mandatory.

nomadxx7 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 20:26

How much thought does it take to be THOUGHTFUL? One would think an SO could know what you like and don't like in that time frame. Personally I don't understand people that stay with their SOs that seem to have holes in their heads. Hell I buy small gifts for my girlfriend just so she knows I'm thinking about her. I mean it doesn't take all day to figure shit out just things you see in your daily life that may possibly put a smile on her face. In the end dump these idiots. There are guys/girls out there thoughtful enough to not be douchebags like OPs boyfriend is.

yayforlife666 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 0:31

i agree! man ur a genious for thinking that stuff out hahaha

fylifeindeed 0

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Friday 11 December 2009 1:49

agreed

ljbgamer 1

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Saturday 10 September 2011 2:53

Don't give him the car horn and buy him a loofa. Give him the horn at a later time when he decides to be a little more thoughtful.

catastrophicsock 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:12

Ten months is not that long. You shouldn't be buying anything truly expensive. YDI

skylarbee 8

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Sunday 21 November 2010 16:30

my boyfriend and I were dating two months and we each spent about a 100 bucks.

doctor__who 19

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Saturday 27 June 2015 21:25

Maybe they were friends before they started dating.

cthulhu1138 1

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:20

Ten months and you're already buying him expensive crap?

cryssycakesx3 22

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Tuesday 5 November 2013 9:19

at about 6 months my bf took me to Detroit for an indycar race.

not_my_life 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:22

I could see if it was one of those fancy soap/lotion etc. gift packages. I'd be more concerned that he wants a specialized car horn, that sounds pretty lame to me.

starshine3987 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 22:26

Ha, agreed.

Jewelofagal 2

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:23

If you can't return the car horn, store it for now and give it to him only after he gets a clue. If that never happens, you can sell it on Ebay.

mplsmech 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:24

holy moly... walmart, cheap soaps, rash, expensive car horn. Well I'll be a bulls ankle if this ain't straight outta alabammy! darn tootin! Lesss gets us some coon skin caps and start plannin a weddin cuz this sounds like a match made in hog heaven!

thatonechick227 6

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Saturday 16 March 2013 9:55

That was weird o.e and I don't talk like that >.>

justbeme 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:37

dump him. wait and see if you get a better gift, but if not, dump him and dont feel bad about it. if this is what you get in the beginning, it's not going to get better. girls want to know their thought of, adored and cherished. thats just how it is, it doesnt make us selfish or greedy. your boyfriend is an oaf.

HookEmTexas07 0

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Thursday 10 December 2009 21:18

justbeme is right. Relationships are all about getting the best presents. Screw all that "love and soulmate" pussy shit.

damnwtfdude 0

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Monday 14 December 2009 21:27

Yes, when you make the measure of how much your man thinks of you what he buys you, yes it does make you greedy.

mattiej 1

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Wednesday 19 October 2011 23:35

What is wrong with you why would you say dump him just because he got her soap does it not matter what she actually thinks of him or just because he got her soap you have to say dump him you are a retard

Flutist 3

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Thursday 10 December 2009 16:38

Cheap soap? Some of the Christmas stuff is cheap, but it still smells nice. Well some of it. I am not sure what you expected Mrs. Thing. At least he tried I guess? But you need to not give him the horn. You already exchanged gifts? Its not x-mas yet. So time to say, shit, I gave you my brother's (insert male family member with ghetto car) gift instead. HEre is your ramen. Boyfriend: but I thought you got me the horn! I wuz wantin' that since I lost my first tooth in a bar fight. Op: Sorry, I gots it for mez suga daddy. You's need some soap too. Boyfriend: I hate you! Op: I bought you the MIley Cyrus CD you wanted for the horn. Boyfriend: I love you like my first cousin.