Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML
Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML
Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML
Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML
Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
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Top comments
kate08_fml 0
that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously
silkee_shiny 0
Happy Birthday hun :)
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Comments (197)
Infinite_Kraze 0
LMFAO, get a hooker. xD
PuppyD 0
Awwww. Nobody should be alone on their birthday. Happy Birthday, hon. Go out on the town tonight and make it a fun evening.
wordgirl 0
I find this post very empowering, and the OP should, too. You took charge of your own happiness, and gave yourself the gift that truly keeps on giving. This is not a FYL, this is a YOU GO GIRL.
wordgirl 0
Um, #7, it's not like choosing chocolate or vanilla. I'd think you of all people would know that.
bumbleweather 0
I hate all these whiny FMLs about being lonely. A third of the people in North America think they're lonely. I think I'm lonely! Everyone is lonely! What are you going to do?
genki008 0
sorry about the lack of presents, but hey - thats actually a pretty cool thing. like #97 said. never mind what haters say, ignore them til they fade away
jnic 0
Hey #7, coming from a straight person... thanks for going against the battle for gay rights, and reinforcing the belief that sexual orientation is a "choice". If someone said they feel sorry for you because you haven't experimented with being straight, what would you say to that? Besides, straight guys have tongues and fingers just like you do.
Douse22 0
wow loser get a ******* life
ThatsAli3 0
um. this makes me really glad that i'm responsive.. if your not a vigrin... maybe you need to try better guys? Because some of them really can give you more pleasure than a shower head. # 70... im going to have to repectfully disagree... = ) to the OP- look up # 3 or # 37. They are glad to help ha ha ha
tehaarontimothy 0
dude that sucks maybe try going out more