Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML
Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML
Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML
Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML
Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
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Top comments
kate08_fml 0
that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously
silkee_shiny 0
Happy Birthday hun :)
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Comments (197)
nsewrim 0
#32... it doesn't mean that she is a virgin... she just probably hasn't had satisfaction from a man yet. Once finding a sexual partner, sometimes it takes a while before getting an ****** (some people have to be completely comfortable with themselves and their partner before feeling satisfied during sex).
138726 0
Good for you! First ****** of many more I'm sure! You might want to consider going to passionparties.com, you can get a better idea of toys to get and even have a consultant in your area demonstrate a few products. Don't be ashamed of not climaxing until your 35th birthday, lots of women don't ever reach ****** in their lives. You go girl for finding your special secret on your own! Happy Birthday!
space_fml 0
As far as orgasms go... better late than never
texmas 0
I'm betting that if you had spent a little more time cultivating relationships with humans, you wouldn't have to cultivate one with the shower head now.
138726 0
Oh and #78, sexuality is a choice. People who treat it as something biological suggest that homosexuality is a disease and should be fixed. It's a preference for a particular gender and there's no shame in choosing to be homosexual just like there's no shame in choosing to be heterosexual.
MyLifeIsGrrreat 0
You should have been nicer to people It's not my fault no one likes you, so don't blame me!!
ams7509 0
that's pretty hot
rosetintedglassz 0
You might want to go see a production of the ****** monologues. I think you would probably enjoy it. To #78's thinly veiled homophobic comment, I didn't say she should "choose" homosexuality. I said she should try it. Many women do not realize their sexuality until much later in life. I have a friend who didn't identify as a lesbian until she was 42.
brookester23 0
When did they say they had no friends? The only thing I read was that they didn't get anything from anyone. Hun, I'm sorry you think that 35 is "bad" to have your first ******, but everyone's different, remember that. I'm glad that you got something that makes you happy. Hehe. Happy. And Happy Birthday!
iamdrice21 0
32 is win BAHAHAHAH