Animals: Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats... - FML

By Anonymoose - 25/12/2011 11:39 - Switzerland

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 613

You deserved it 55 383

You tried

This Charming Man

Broken heart

By you would - 04/03/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 768

You deserved it 7 627

Dumbass

By whyyyy - 17/06/2020 05:05

Today, my daughter shaved her head in solidarity for a friend who went bald from cancer. Normally this would be an amazing gesture. Unfortunately, her “friend” is a fictional character from a book she’s reading. My daughter had almost 24-inch long hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 417

By lonelyman - 20/11/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 157

You deserved it 7 560

By IneedMaury - 16/06/2014 15:30 - United States - Lowell

Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 367

You deserved it 6 298

By ouch - 12/07/2013 07:22 - United States

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 079

You deserved it 4 750

By smoothcoffee - 27/08/2009 05:53 - Australia

Today, the bank called saying we were late in the mortgage payments. I was puzzled because three months ago I issued a big cheque to my mum pay off the mortgage. I just discovered that she instead lost it all at the casino. Turns out, she's become a compulsive gambler ever since dad passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 709

You deserved it 4 007

By I don't know, son - 16/11/2013 01:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 767

You deserved it 4 764

Office Space

By Mishlette - 23/01/2015 13:27 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 817

You deserved it 2 742

By Uncomfortable - 17/05/2013 07:21

Spicy

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 667

You deserved it 5 307

And they same romance is dead…

By celticschick - 31/08/2020 16:59

Spicy

Today, I had an important staff meeting via Zoom. My boyfriend got home from work, walked through the door and shouted, "BABE! I'M READY TO GET MY D*** SUCKED!" I wasn't on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274

You deserved it 414

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 10:30 - United States - Beaumont

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 397

You deserved it 8 345

By kellyem2 - 03/03/2016 18:21

Today, I found out that when my boss said she was considering bumping me up to full time, she actually meant she was planning on letting me go. Everyone in the office except me knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 702

You deserved it 1 341

By Anonymous - 14/11/2017 15:00

Today, I went on a hike. It had snowed the night before so I wore warm clothes. They didn’t help when I slipped and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 028

You deserved it 467

Alexa, play "Charmless Man" by Blur

By Scaredafffff - 12/05/2021 14:03

Today, I accidentally changed the radio station in my boyfriend’s car. He threw a humongous fit and started driving recklessly, almost causing an accident on several occasions. He then dropped me off at a stop sign and told me to, "walk home, you need to lose weight anyway, fat bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 170

By FML - 05/07/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 997

You deserved it 4 598

By Anonymous - 04/02/2011 20:13 - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 668

You deserved it 2 734

By klutz - 10/08/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 813

You deserved it 56 673

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 18:04 - Canada

Today, I got my first university math midterm back. I did so bad that my teacher put a sadface on the first page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 583

You deserved it 11 318

By Alyssa - 13/02/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 760

You deserved it 82 584

By kalisa anteater - 09/06/2013 20:49 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I had to explain to my mother that a lace mini-dress with an obscene amount of cleavage was not appropriate to wear while meeting my boyfriend's parents. She called me an "annoying prude" and said that with my attitude, I don't deserve to have a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 233

You deserved it 4 911

By UnwantedDaughter - 08/01/2019 20:00

Today, it's my birthday. My father didn't get me a birthday present or do anything for me, and acted as though he only came to visit because it was expected. Yet when it was his birthday a couple months ago, he expected me to take him out and pay for it FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 634

You deserved it 206

Hey, it's the Christmas card dude!

By doglove - 23/03/2020 04:43

Today, I was looking through old childhood pictures for my father's funeral and I found one of our old Christmas cards. I looked at it and noticed in the background our two dogs enjoying very spirited sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 182

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective dad who only uses me for free childcare, or my pot smoking mom who always needs to borrow money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 657

You deserved it 2 994

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 21:29 - United States - Westfield

Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 035

You deserved it 983

By suzanneallen - 11/09/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 101

You deserved it 40 863

By thanks a lot mom - 28/12/2014 06:52 - United States - Sloughhouse

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 094

You deserved it 3 393

By dizzlewizzle - 06/03/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I stretched out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 076

You deserved it 11 767

By MyLyfeSux - 25/09/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 904

You deserved it 53 852

By Anonymous - 14/02/2016 09:23 - Canada - Sechelt

Spicy

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. I asked her if she wanted something to drink, and my brother reacted by snorting and calling me a "cuck". Apparently offering your girlfriend a drink means you're being cuckolded now. God, I hope he was adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 609

You deserved it 1 873

By ShiddyDiddy - 26/06/2019 04:39

Today, my girlfriend's obsession with her bird reached a new level when she wrote him a song specifically for after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 180

By replik - 25/01/2012 15:50 - Russian Federation

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 130

You deserved it 2 146

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 21:19 - Canada - Dartmouth

Spicy

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 684

You deserved it 3 477

Always check for tits

By Anistoncole - 13/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was showing why we picked the colour in our posters and ads for my department. I used a video to explain; I hadn't watched the full video. I skipped to halfway through and there was a picture of a naked woman with starfish on her tits. Everyone kinda went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 1 166

By ohhotdamn - 19/04/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday all she wanted was this gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet which made her cry. When I gave her my present she just said "oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 699

You deserved it 5 707

The need to vent

By Anonymous - 28/12/2021 14:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the whole time I was rant-texting to my ex's blocked number, he may possibly have been getting all of them, unless he blocked me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 1 454

Clusterfuck

By WhyEvenBother - 16/12/2021 04:59 - Germany

Today, I just learned that instead of celebrating my birthday as a small group, my mother has invited dozens of family members from all over the Germany, amidst spiking Covid cases in my region. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 162

Weight watcher

By depressedkiwi - 15/07/2020 08:01

Today, I found out my mother-in-law is trying to force me to lose weight, even though I am trying, and have a medical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 642

By ams - 13/03/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 464

You deserved it 4 336

Memories

By joanne - 29/05/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 112

You deserved it 1 996

By paging dr. kevorkian - 16/05/2013 21:23 - Netherlands

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 711

You deserved it 5 896

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:21

Did you dress as cat Santa? :)

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:26

Mr. Kibbles GO BACK TO SLEEP OR SANTA WON'T COME!!!! *Insert troll face here*

Comments

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:21

Did you dress as cat Santa? :)

kateheartswaffle 0

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:40

Merry Nyanmas?

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Sunday 25 December 2011 20:07

They can has cheeseburger?

AlaskanEskimo34 0

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Sunday 25 December 2011 21:05

Ah the true meaning of Christmas, spending time and giving gifts to loved ones... or in your case your cats.

Damn_Hippster 11

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Sunday 25 December 2011 21:34

You know your a lonely cat person when...

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Sunday 25 December 2011 22:01

That's sooooo cute!

Sarah_moustache 9

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Sunday 25 December 2011 23:20

Correction! Santa Claws(:

alexwarfield333 1

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Monday 26 December 2011 0:13

YES! 46 YES!

Earths_Venus 25

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Monday 26 December 2011 1:35

OP you're a moron, if you knew anything about cats you'd know they're active at night, so you should have played cat Santa during the day when they would have been asleep anyway. You deserve it.

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Monday 26 December 2011 4:14

NO 146 NO!!

foreveraloneXC 10

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Monday 26 December 2011 4:32

Or santa paws

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Monday 26 December 2011 4:33

That's adorable

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 19:31

cats = loved ones~~

PeypeyTheBeeotch 1

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 20:01

I find this extremely adorable:}

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Friday 30 December 2011 22:03

Well I'm not a fortune teller, but yours isn't looking so good right now.

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:21

Is it a problem to laugh?

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:24

Awee that's so cute OP! what did you get them?

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:29

Really? You reply to my comment just to be seen? What a douchey way to do it...

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Sunday 25 December 2011 21:07

No.. I did. As soon as I read it.

AlaskanEskimo34 0

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Sunday 25 December 2011 21:13

Come to think of it... I just got a bag of candy instead of a stocking so i'd rather be one of those cats.

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Sunday 25 December 2011 22:19

Love to know what she does for them during Easter!

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Sunday 25 December 2011 22:35

Peep hunt!

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Monday 26 December 2011 2:01

Or Halloween.

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Monday 26 December 2011 4:18

95- or thanksgiving!! Cat food feast!

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Monday 26 December 2011 8:39

I lqtm'ed

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:22

Forever alone Christmas.

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Sunday 25 December 2011 21:06

Together alone, my friend.

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Sunday 25 December 2011 22:22

Yes, yes. I would agree that you have one incredibly FUCKED UP LIFE.

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Monday 26 December 2011 4:15

98- you are far less funnier than the far side comics

AlaskanEskimo34 0

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Monday 26 December 2011 6:43

How long does it take for a cat to fall asleep? No fuckin way am i waiting more than 10 minutes. Patience is a virtue.

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Monday 26 December 2011 22:42

76 & 4- at least you two have each other's company!!

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 0:26

@163: Who asked you Hemingway?

MrsLaferriere 0

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:22

(: Aww! Your dedication is cute.

emochicksrule 1

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Sunday 25 December 2011 20:37

I know right! I think that's sweet!

broken_red_wagon 6

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Sunday 25 December 2011 22:19

Plus, this person obviously sees the humor in this situation if they post it as an FML. Which makes this person likable!

MrsLaferriere 0

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Monday 26 December 2011 2:16

My grandma does this kind of thing for her dogs. I mean, she doesn't wait for them to fall asleep, but I still find it nice that people treat their pets as family.

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Monday 26 December 2011 4:17

My neighbor has stockings for her dog, cat, and her extended family's pets as well. Although it is a little strange taking it to the extreme OP did, I actually find the thought quite cute:)

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Monday 26 December 2011 4:17

*robot voice* But her effort was futile.

MrsLaferriere 0

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Monday 26 December 2011 5:25

164- That's so wonderful. (:

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Sunday 30 December 2012 17:59

or really sad, depending on how you look at it.

Buttsexpirate 9

Sunday 25 December 2011 19:22

It shows you have a good heart when you'll stuff your pussies stocking

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:40

... No

flockz 19

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:53

tell me it isn't so!!

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Sunday 25 December 2011 20:00

Pussycat, Pussycat I love you Yes..... I...... do !

debatingalways 0

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:22

Not really an FML. More like a forever alone.

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:23

once again, why is there not a "so what" button I can press?

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:25

Crazy cat lady!

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Sunday 25 December 2011 21:24

my name is earl

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Monday 26 December 2011 12:08

Hi earl nice to meet you!

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:26

Lolcats

danielreader22 4

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 5:37

Lol no.

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Sunday 25 December 2011 19:26

Mr. Kibbles GO BACK TO SLEEP OR SANTA WON'T COME!!!! *Insert troll face here*

Bumblebee4ever21 0

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Monday 26 December 2011 1:33

Lol. Be better be good kitty! Or else no kitty litter fo yew ;)

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Tuesday 27 December 2011 18:26

Nice...

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 16

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 1 091

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 1 244