Work: Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls...

By Wraith - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40605

You deserved it

4771

Favorite

Work

Sorry…

Weird kid

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard a little girl ask her mom if the round lady in purple was pretending to be a giant eggplant. I was the lady in purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32173

You deserved it

9610

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my estranged daughter has been married for five years. I wasn't told of or invited to their wedding, and the only reason I know now is because she needs money for a divorce lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32081

You deserved it

4808

Favorite

By RedHotRoses

Today, I walked into my office and found my ex-roommate going through my desk. Apparently, despite not wanting to be friends or even speak anymore, he has no qualms about "borrowing" my Master's thesis so he can compare and write his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4222

You deserved it

268

Favorite

By Hopelesshomeless - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I moved back to my home town. My best friend and I had arranged to rent a house together that we both liked. I finished my last day at work and made the three-hour drive, only for her to break down and tell me that she isn't "ready" to move out of her parents' basement. She's 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35952

You deserved it

2897

Favorite

By Ohdear - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1584

You deserved it

569

Favorite

By janedoe - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91654

You deserved it

12696

Favorite

By shewantsmedead

Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7975

You deserved it

550

Favorite

By RIP - United States - Dearborn

Today, my girlfriend and I found out that if I'm tickled it causes me to have a panic attack until I cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12649

You deserved it

1208

Favorite

By bummed - United States

Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29059

You deserved it

16566

Favorite

By photonut13 - Canada

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44467

You deserved it

2991

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Mama's Boy

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6648

You deserved it

566

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Monica

She used me

Today, I discovered my friend will be upstaging my birthday by hosting another birthday party shortly afterwards. Not for her of course, but in honor of her favorite actor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1690

You deserved it

155

Favorite

By Abby_gummibear - United States

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43671

You deserved it

7742

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents gave me my birthday present. Two weeks ago, I ordered an xbox online. Three days ago, it came to my house, and my parents thought they could save money by putting wrapping paper on it, and giving it to me for my birthday. That's all they got me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36040

You deserved it

3459

Favorite

By Jacquelinez - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27983

You deserved it

3096

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my husband yelled at me for not doing any household chores. I can barely move my hand without suffering excruciating pain, due to recent surgery to ease my arthritis, and my other hand is as bad as ever. I can barely work this phone, let alone wash dishes and iron clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34108

You deserved it

6330

Favorite

By Mommy - United States

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28423

You deserved it

3649

Favorite

By ShitHappens2016

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4780

You deserved it

314

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, we woke up to two inches of water in our finished basement, which my wife and I use it as our bedroom. The plumber found roots in our sewer line. The kicker: we just bought the house four days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2603

You deserved it

231

Favorite

By WastedTime - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42666

You deserved it

5706

Favorite

By hikari_chan_xo - United States - Auburn Hills

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13487

You deserved it

21199

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 20:01 - United States - San Mateo

Compassionate dad, huh?

Today, I was having an emotional breakdown. I'm unhappy a lot and don't know why. It's very confusing. My dad yelled at me, telling me, "You have no right to be sad!" I'm even more confused now. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1120

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By not gay in AL - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46282

You deserved it

5458

Favorite

By Jon - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22476

You deserved it

47275

Favorite

By raven_teen_titan - United States

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24555

You deserved it

3494

Favorite

By Savannah - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said : "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7774

You deserved it

574

Favorite

By ~~~ - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47452

You deserved it

4320

Favorite

By furious at five in the morning - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24284

You deserved it

4086

Favorite

By bibi - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Nosaurus

Today, I went to see a dinosaur exhibition with my mum. We walked around and saw a huge dinosaur, made of plastic and rubber. She was very disappointed, saying that she thought there would be real live dinosaurs for us to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31548

You deserved it

2678

Favorite

By JessicaandGhazi - 9/6/2020 08:04

So hard

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in bed after having sex. I commented on him still having an erection after having an orgasm. He said it happens whenever he has a strong orgasm. Then he added, "And surprisingly, I was even thinking about you when it happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1891

You deserved it

239

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

23396

You deserved it

7830

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/1/2021 17:01

Scammed

Today my husband went to buy a car from some guy from Facebook. He ended up giving the guy $1000 upfront before receiving the title or bill of sale. So now, we have a car we can't use, we're completely broke now and the guy is ghosting us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

421

You deserved it

770

Favorite

By Latina - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40558

You deserved it

7557

Favorite

By romainmain - France - Charleville-m?zi?res

Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12907

You deserved it

26485

Favorite

By Anonymous - India

Mask off

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1808

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29340

You deserved it

59594

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38208

You deserved it

4681

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29429

You deserved it

14946

Favorite

By wowimdumb - United States

Today, I was at a power lifting meet when a girl I really liked walked in. Trying to impress her, I increased my bench to 350, when I have only done 300 before. She then watched me drop it on my chest, breaking my breast bone, and also crying in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13429

You deserved it

70006

Favorite

By ziatenaj - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30142

You deserved it

2949

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lilhellian | 26

#5744825 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 22:32

That snot a good situation, hopefully the image doesn't stay in your head for too long.

By CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5744843 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 22:38

I don't know about you or OP, but if I saw someone pick their nose and wipe it under their desk or on the wall, I'd fucking say something. Since he ate his own nasty nose gold I wouldn't feel the need to say something to him at all, but once he started sticking it around the work place there'd be no way I could keep my mouth shut. Keep an eye on him OP and do not, I repeat do not, shake hands with him. Ever.

COMMENTS

By jkalan | 5

#5744823 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 22:31

first to say anything!

By aly_pinay22 | 8

#5744824 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 22:32

What has been seen cannot be unseen! Sorry, OP!

euphoricness | 28

#5744946 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 23:53

I wish that would work in my math class

Robbieisadowg | 16

#5745070 - Thursday 7 November 2013 1:10

#36 but you'd still have to sit through class and you'd learn nothing. So an hour of your life wasted and then you would fail you class :).

By lilhellian | 26

#5744825 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 22:32

That snot a good situation, hopefully the image doesn't stay in your head for too long.

BillMurray_fml | 12

#5744950 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 23:57

I'd boogie out of there for sure

tman1985 | 9

#5745458 - Thursday 7 November 2013 8:26

the image will get congested in the sinuses

By KimJongIllest | 8

#5744826 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 22:33

Yummy!

andrew6p | 19

#5744840 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 22:37

Tastes like chicken huh?

evan_7899 | 28

#5744925 - Wednesday 6 November 2013 23:27

I was just about to eat chicken for dinner, thanks

euphoricness | 28

#5744969 - Thursday 7 November 2013 0:09

Just imagine that it tastes like chicken

gc327072 | 29

#5745010 - Thursday 7 November 2013 0:36

I've never understood why people lose their appetite over a statement. I've watched CSI autopsies while eating spaghetti… maybe I'm just a budding serial killer. 0_o