Money: Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping....

By DumbLackofLuck - 22/12/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 773

You deserved it 8 943

Money

Not having a good time, really

Real housewives

Cheating cheater

By Anonymous - 11/10/2016 05:17 - United States

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 321

You deserved it 2 341

By 3.14 - 08/02/2012 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 105

You deserved it 2 069

By mikep - 02/02/2009 03:22 - Netherlands

Today, I asked my mother if she thought my cat was getting fat. She replied "It's not the cat you should worry about". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 261

You deserved it 5 570

By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 07:54 - South Africa

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 056

You deserved it 2 536

By nopleasestopmother - 02/05/2014 23:03 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, my mother asked me why I disliked her and my father's nakedness in the family pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 421

You deserved it 3 650

By YouBossturd - 10/11/2015 15:17 - United States - Washington

Today, I found out that my immediate supervisor had modified my phone in the priority order at our call center. As a result, any calls that came in during the night shift would be routed to my phone first, so that he can play games on his phone uninterrupted. It's been a whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 143

You deserved it 1 766

By cootiequeen - 01/06/2014 04:13 - United States

Today, at work, a lady approached me asking if I'd found a used cloth diaper on a table, and I told her it was probably in the trash. She said "That's okay, I can wash it." So I searched through several bags of trash, and when I couldn't find it, she said "Oh never mind! It's in my bag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 505

You deserved it 4 578

By NoPainNoGain - 17/09/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 322

You deserved it 2 586

By embarrassed - 01/06/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, I went to my doctor to get the morning after pill. I explained to her that the condom broke and I was nervous. She simply asked me "when" so I replied "...towards the end". I didn't realize she was really asking what day this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 483

You deserved it 64 680

Kinda heartless, but OK

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 16:01

Today, it’s been almost a month and a half of no intimacy between my boyfriend and me. To spice things up, I started going down on him. He burst out crying after a couple of minutes because he "misses his sister." The funeral was nearly 2 months ago already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 2 704

By youmindyourownbusiness - 15/02/2013 05:53 - United States - Genoa

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 161

You deserved it 4 127

By anon - 04/06/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 069

You deserved it 103 111

By Anonymous - 16/03/2017 02:00

Today, after sweeping up a spill, I managed to break the cupboard door. With my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 725

You deserved it 520

By Stepheroni - 13/04/2017 18:00

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 411

You deserved it 570

By Oops - 13/09/2016 18:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 929

You deserved it 846

By anonymous - 14/06/2016 16:47 - United States - Inverness

Today, after months of helping my mother with bills because she claimed she had no money, I found out she makes way more than what I do. She just wanted my money for alcohol and drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 217

You deserved it 1 196

By rejected - 23/12/2013 10:44 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mother was reading an annual Christmas letter from an old university friend. When she remarked that she could have married him instead of my father, I replied that she wouldn't have had me then. She then said, "Exactly, I could have had his daughter instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 583

You deserved it 4 095

Ruined art

By annie - 17/11/2020 00:08 - United States - Denver

Today, while sitting on a bench drawing, some guy went up to me, yelled, “YOUR ART SUCKS” and flipped my sketchpad out of my hands. I’d been working on that piece for hours and now there’s a big black pencil streak on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 62

Rulers of the world

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 18:01 - Germany

Today, my mom insists on leaving both the front and kitchen door open in case the cat comes home, no matter if it gets cold inside. Yes, the cat is that important. Yes, he also has a cat flap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 79

By Username - 06/02/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 906

You deserved it 7 215

By 20singleandproudish - 23/10/2014 05:18 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 719

You deserved it 3 706

By stampslife - 28/11/2014 08:00 - Canada - Agassiz

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 715

You deserved it 3 130

It's a valid lifestyle!

By annoyed - 17/09/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, my friends and I were finally able to meet up for lunch, amidst all of our busy schedules. We had fun talking and catching up about marriage, kids and careers. One friend decided to cause a huge scene though, because apparently we didn’t take her being a stay at home “dog mom” seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 121

By epicfail - 02/08/2009 08:39 - United States

Today, I went to a local concert. The singer from my favorite band stage-dived and I got to catch him. Unfortunately I was the only one to catch him. The next thing I know I'm pinned between him and the concrete floor as he finishes whatever part of the song he was on. He was fine, I hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 229

You deserved it 5 679

By Riskreh - 23/09/2009 11:10 - United States

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 196

You deserved it 8 815

Facebook drama

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 18:20 - United States

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 986

You deserved it 5 729

By heartbroken - 30/03/2011 00:15 - United States

Today, I managed to convince the girl of my dreams to stop being so shy, and put herself out there to get her crush to make a move. It worked. And yet as it turns out, I'm not her crush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 471

You deserved it 13 764

By Notpunny - 18/04/2016 22:58 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 126

You deserved it 7 805

By frankkathy - 26/07/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 343

You deserved it 19 362

By Moth_Balled - 15/12/2015 04:50 - Australia

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 404

You deserved it 6 361

By ChaoticGamer - 23/12/2015 15:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 745

You deserved it 1 883

By Anonymous - 08/02/2013 00:28 - Canada - Hagersville

Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 380

You deserved it 55 872

How does she know?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 08:00

Today, my future mother-in-law freaked out my very religious fiancé by telling him fornication is gonna send him to hell, because when I was with them in January we had sex every day for a month and she's still mad about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 325

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 05:33

Today, while on a family Disney world vacation, I saw a kid shitting on a public bathroom's floor. It was my kid. He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 740

You deserved it 12 015

Cultural differences

By Thongy - 07/04/2020 20:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? My Australian friend sent me a message saying I'd left my thongs at his house. My boyfriend still refuses to believe that they call flip-flops thongs in Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 543

By mariology - 11/12/2013 12:33 - United States - Newark

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 751

You deserved it 11 574

By postop - 26/06/2015 03:06 - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 771

You deserved it 2 021

The wrong end of the stick

By poodlesoup - 21/12/2020 22:58 - United States

Today, I actually feel good about my decisions and my life. I've even started running to improve my health, and recover from self harming. My girlfriend is convinced I'm running to hurt myself, and won't let me near any health food or the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 73

By avaiia - 09/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 684

You deserved it 1 581

By greeter - 18/10/2016 06:49 - Canada - Willow Grove

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 035

You deserved it 3 357

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null_fml 11

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 1:25

The EXACT same thing happened to me. But I have very few gifts left to buy, and my bank (Scotiabank) is awesome and will unfreeze my account and give me a new card and PIN right on the spot.

txgirl09 5

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 1:20

waiting until the last minute is a lame move but we've all done that before.

txgirl09 5

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 1:20

waiting until the last minute is a lame move but we've all done that before.

seanreddog 4

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 1:40

Buy everyone a gift card the day after black Friday. You can be totally relaxed for the holidays.

seanreddog 4

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 1:25

Shouldve bought the Christmas presents before the 10 lbs of heroin.

f_alltheirlives 3

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 2:00

Dude, the heroin comes first.... Christmas cant be spelled without H

seanreddog 4

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 2:03

Fine. He still needs to cover his tracks.

turtlellama 0

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 2:52

Yes it can... X-mas. Smart.

seanreddog 4

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 3:03

But that takes out "Christ", which is the reason we celebrate, even though Jesus was born in March.

EmilyClaire 0

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 7:29

then what the hell is the point of christmas? didnt they say jesus was born in december?

seanreddog 4

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 7:54

I think they kinda guessed his birth in December but modern science has been able to pinpoint it to March. I could be wrong though.

MagicMeds 0

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 8:56

It's in December because they didn't want to change the Pagean holiday TOO much so that they'd be easier to convert! Isn't religion (and the associated misinformation) grand?

null_fml 11

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 1:25

The EXACT same thing happened to me. But I have very few gifts left to buy, and my bank (Scotiabank) is awesome and will unfreeze my account and give me a new card and PIN right on the spot.

Starfire22 5

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 1:25

That sucks! I've done that before, just call them your bank to straighten it out. Be prepared to have all your personal information with you before talking to them.

wtfismyfml 0

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 1:28

last minuet shopping+suspicious activities= an FML

BauerMegan 31

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Sunday 15 September 2013 17:56

Thank you! Captain obvious.

jessxoxo28 5

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 1:35

that sucks.... i did my christmas shopping today and im done so haha :D

its_love2 31

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 2:24

at least they care enough to keep track of your account incase someone HAD stolen your card ... would be the worst at xmas!

lilbios 0

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 2:28

hahah that sucks.. reminds me to start shopping

Person1233 12

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 2:39

" ... She bought duct tape, rope, narcotics, a hotel reservation, a shovel, and a book on how to commit the perfect crime...."

n0lovesongs 0

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Wednesday 23 December 2009 2:40

Haha this happened to my dad as well. He rarely uses the particular credit card that he purchased everything with, and the next morning, the bank called at like 7:45 am to report suspicious activity and required that he confirm all the receipts. Sucks, but I'm glad the bank does their job!