Work: Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or...

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 17:20 - Romania

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 293

You deserved it 3 613

Work

Dementia or hate? You decide

Get 'em!

Nightmare mother

Is that even possible?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 19:30 - United States - Bellerose

Today, I realized my sleepwalking habit has reached new heights. How? I woke up in the bathroom. On a plane headed to California. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 131

You deserved it 412

Liability

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 11:00

Today, my friend broke ties with me after I came out of the hospital from attempted suicide. She was the one who called the police for me to go in there in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 295

By KaityK - 19/04/2016 19:15 - United States

Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account. She then accepted all of the people that had sent me a friend request. Among them included my boyfriend's crazy ex, and 3 people I've never met. Now I'm getting strange messages from all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 209

You deserved it 5 008

Hummmmmmmmm

By SleeplessInDenver - 02/09/2019 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I moved into my brand new apartment, only to discover that there is an annoying, constant hum coming from the ceiling above my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 07:38 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 842

You deserved it 6 296

By Anonymousagb - 24/04/2009 15:18 - United Arab Emirates

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 920

You deserved it 92 021

Interpreter blues

By Aleksandar Veljović - 25/11/2020 05:01

Today, at the hospital, I had to tell someone he was going to die because I was the only one to speak his language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 54

By Enragedbitch - 20/10/2012 08:49 - United States - Torrance

Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 440

You deserved it 2 323

Run away, fast

By wtf babe?! - 10/08/2021 22:01

Today, even though we were together every day of quarantine, now that I’m working my boyfriend has become a completely different person. He’s now jealous, insecure and makes wild accusations. He’s called and showed up to my new job so many times the managers are threatening to let me go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 16:00

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 190

By gb739 - 19/01/2014 17:31 - United States

Today, I called my boss and said, "I have been awake since 3 a.m. throwing up." He replied, "Great, see you at 9." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 192

You deserved it 3 391

By bobby - 14/03/2010 03:17 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 602

You deserved it 3 481

By anonymous - 10/02/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, I went to the store and bought some cream to help with a sunburn I'd gotten a few days ago. What's worse than having red, peeling, and painful skin? An allergic reaction on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 998

You deserved it 2 740

By Awkward - 04/12/2013 22:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 888

You deserved it 14 631

By emisara93 - 23/12/2017 19:00

Today, I chipped my tooth by biting down on my toothbrush. I don't know what hurts more: the irony or the fact I have no dental insurance until January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 622

You deserved it 431

Help, I'm stranded!

By LexMarie12 - 15/03/2017 18:00

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 677

You deserved it 334

By martyn28 - 13/08/2013 14:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 200

You deserved it 5 393

By AFGirlfriend - 28/03/2011 19:10 - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 007

You deserved it 6 921

In for the long haul

By PoopyNuts - 18/09/2020 23:01

Today, my very financially stable grandparents bought my girlfriend and I two first class tickets on Air Emirates, which to me is a once in a lifetime opportunity. To my dismay, my colon did not approve of the peanuts and I spent the whole flight shitting out what seemed to be molten rocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 162

By Maxie-Nathanial - 23/05/2010 09:10 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 755

You deserved it 8 211

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 200

You deserved it 7 292

By Anonymous - 15/07/2019 18:00

Today, I realised the recruiter for the Navy lied to me. This shit ain't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 2 304

By Sursion - 12/11/2009 17:34 - Canada

Today, I was talking to a friend of mine over webcam, when I saw a scary looking man in a grey hoodie creeping around in the background. I loudly proclaimed "Paige! Who is that creepy looking guy behind you?" Turns out it was her mom. She heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 804

You deserved it 10 503

By romea244 - 14/08/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 632

You deserved it 26 995

By Anonymous - 17/06/2014 02:45 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 800

You deserved it 47 648

You can't handle the truth!

By WhoNeedsFriends - 28/08/2021 10:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my friends held a roast for my birthday, as per my request. They went pretty hard and I got a little uncomfortable. Afterwards, I told them that their jokes were a little too far, and they said all of their roasts were 100% genuine, and they just needed an excuse to tell me their problems with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 1 480

By MetalAtlas - 03/03/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I had to sell my only means of transportation, my 92 Chrysler Lebaron to a junking company because the transmission blew. When the guy finally got there, I had to shovel out the 5 feet of snow around my car, help him push it, and help him hook it up. Then his dog bit me. I only got $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 597

You deserved it 2 817

By ERnightmare - 02/08/2018 21:00 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 054

You deserved it 4 097

By Can't Win - 09/09/2012 15:01 - United States - Palatine

Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 039

You deserved it 6 526

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our 'great relationship' for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 134

You deserved it 4 035

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 056

You deserved it 4 909

By doody - 30/12/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 158

You deserved it 4 257

By Noname - 29/01/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, I found an ad for my job at my company on an online job board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 939

You deserved it 2 164

Vicious circle

By DarkMaskDiva - 21/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out the medication my doctor gave me for depression is making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 195

By grandma - 08/02/2014 15:12 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 712

You deserved it 7 189

By historyrepeats - 11/07/2019 04:00

Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 293

By Daddy Tyrone - 17/09/2018 03:30

Today, my wife bought a bright pink dildo and left in the lounge whilst she went upstairs to get changed. We didn't expect the in-laws to arrive with my niece and nephews, who were hitting each other with the - as described by my 5-year-old nephew - "big pink sword". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 091

You deserved it 721

Gratitude walks

By funnywoe - 19/07/2020 20:01

Today, my uncle is staying with my family and he just gave me the weirdest 'gift' I've ever gotten. He gave me his used shaver. He said he realized that it's for women, but I find this disgusting. I could maybe sanitize it, but then I would have to touch the hairs on it. I had to pretend to be truly grateful for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 160

By Jesse - 20/03/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 914

You deserved it 151 052

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, everyone at work was demanding I stage a party at my house. I agreed to it and rushed home to tidy up before the guests arrived. No one showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 429

You deserved it 3 835

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Top comments

ohmandapants 16

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:19

Don't you have any HR reps? If not, QUIT. If he's making inappropriate advances I'm sure you could press charges. Make sure he's caught in the act!

gabrielbaby 9

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:14

Creeper....

eddieyes 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:13

Errrrr, if you are hot, you can work for me... Butttt, I'm a guy too... Oops

alexv4223 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:18

Creepy

Damn_Hippster 11

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:21

Sounds like horrible bosses...

J3R3MYY 14

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:25

Time to kill the bosses..

J3R3MYY 14

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:31

Oh and time to get a murder consultant, just not Jamie Foxx.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:44

15- horrible bosses part 2 - the homosexual encounter.

btnhdude 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:45

But Jamie Fox's obvious bad guy act was hilarious.

alito_fml 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:46

Can I work for you? Any type of "job" would do

spiderman2211 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:57

Unless you earn like 100,000 a year, QUIT THE JOB. On second thought, maybe he'll pay you more if you give in to his desires.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:08

^ unless OP is a child sex offender, he should quit and find a new job.

Keyman1212 14

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:10

I say you try and make more money by being flirty with him! You don't have to put your penis anywhere near him, unless you just really want to...

aliceb2255 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:14

GAY PEOPLE ! :D

Aim_Low 4

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:28

25 Just make sure it looks like an accident

Damn_Hippster 11

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:47

It looks like we need...*puts on sunglasses*...Mother-fucker Jones!

i_amthe_walrus 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 0:30

Was I the only one seeing the third choice, sexual harassment charges? I guess it was just me.... Hmmm............

ColdplaySucks 18

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Thursday 10 November 2011 1:12

I'd take the advantage and talk yourself into getting a nice raise for your salary.

Gtfo_Troll 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 1:13

You should tell him "Tits or gtfo".

J3R3MYY 14

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Thursday 10 November 2011 1:18

Its Mothafucka Jones!

ALpein 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 1:19

Well, if you're the pitcher, close your eyes and go for it. If you're the catcher... well, should let him take you out to dinner first.

lobum 12

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Thursday 10 November 2011 2:00

I'll work for you any day. ;)

beckybecks20 8

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Thursday 10 November 2011 2:05

You're a guy?

bubble25_fml 5

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Thursday 10 November 2011 2:30

It's not gay if he has "NO HOMO" tattooed on his lower back.

c00lguy89 1

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Thursday 10 November 2011 2:38

He's probably gay.

MeeshaMeeshaPup 8

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Thursday 10 November 2011 3:05

129- thank you captain obvious, I did not think his boss was gay at all.

a_cassie 4

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Thursday 10 November 2011 7:38

but it is gay if he has "insert here" with an arrow pointing down on his lower back.

dompa2011 0

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Friday 25 November 2011 11:27

You can tell your gay by your picture.

gabrielbaby 9

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:14

Creeper....

m0tl3ycru3 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:34

Restraining order?

MyMilkShake2Yard 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:51

I see a raise on your pay check and his, well that's not talk about that

Masked00 4

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Thursday 10 November 2011 0:00

Ssssssssss

SolanumX 6

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Thursday 10 November 2011 0:24

... BOOM!

TheDeadlyTurtle 7

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Thursday 10 November 2011 2:03

"Op walks into a bar asks the bartender for 6 shots the bartender asks whats the occasion? Op replies my first blow job, bartender says oh really? Here's a 7th on the house then! Op says thanks but I doubt it will get the taste out of my mouth."

markrs 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 8:13

120- ha! :) I've never heard that one before. Funny stuff.

ShakeMeDown 12

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Thursday 10 November 2011 13:03

It's only gay if your balls touch OP.

1123nic 0

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Friday 11 November 2011 2:37

Its only gay if you make eye contact!

Horsempeg 25

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Friday 24 May 2013 6:33

Uhmm.its called sexual harrasment? He would be fired over you.

pepelittle9 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:15

;3 you have fun with that!

awagh666 14

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:20

Put your ass to some good work dude.

judices 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:07

^ I see what you did here

judices 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:09

^ I see what you did there

Jdimp 1

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Thursday 10 November 2011 3:26

I would say use him to your advantage... buuuut that could turn bad...

ovechkinisbeast 9

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:15

Sounds like you and him could have some funky buttsex.

killa_k0d3 1

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:16

Butt pirates!!! Gross

ovechkinisbeast 9

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:20

It said butt pirates

ovechkinisbeast 9

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:28

Jesus Christ! This comment originally said butt pirates. And my original response said what he said

heyimallison 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:17

I would be so uncomfortable..

IntoTheClouds 42

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:24

Who wouldn't be?

heyimallison 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:25

a gay desperate man.

chuchurocket 4

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Thursday 10 November 2011 12:17

Not if he's fucking old and ugly

bemylove123 9

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:17

Stand your ground, OP!

YouTurtle 5

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Sunday 7 April 2013 13:32

what does op mean?

nh97103 9

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Sunday 25 May 2014 23:12

Original poster.

smirnoff1695 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:18

I suggest trying to find a new job but in these times, who knows when that will happen so I wish you the best of luck.

Artz94_fml 16

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:59

You mean best of fuck ahaha

2ndSucks 15

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:51

Luck, fuck. Same difference. Gotta get lucky to get laid.

derekwb 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 2:46

I see what you did there^

ohmandapants 16

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:19

Don't you have any HR reps? If not, QUIT. If he's making inappropriate advances I'm sure you could press charges. Make sure he's caught in the act!

ovechkinisbeast 9

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:24

Insert Herman Cain joke here.

yourlifeisbetter_fml 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:19

At least he thinks your attractive...

J3R3MYY 14

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:28

Start using it to your advantage, see what you can get out of it... other than buttsex!

diceplaya 12

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:00

29- No pain, no gain.

xcdog16 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 4:32

^ I see what you did there lol

yourlifeisbetter_fml 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 4:58

152- No.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 5

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 1 528

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 184

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