Work: Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year... - FML

21/10/2010 16:56 - Canada

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year old guy. My boss is a 50 year old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 209

You deserved it 3 765

You tried

Can't win

Love is hell

27/10/2013 16:08 - United States - Ballwin

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 959

You deserved it 5 469

15/06/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 786

You deserved it 15 839

20/08/2012 02:19 - United States

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 157

You deserved it 9 535

08/01/2012 12:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was surprised that my husband suggested we take a shower together to save water. He also suggested we should wear our bathing suits so we don't have to see each others "privates." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 080

You deserved it 4 943

27/02/2018 13:00 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 367

You deserved it 259

30/08/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141 501

You deserved it 13 679

20/08/2014 06:07 - United States - Astoria

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 217

You deserved it 7 220

16/09/2012 12:36 - United States - Youngsville

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 648

You deserved it 3 708

Start worrying

By Lissa - 13/01/2021 01:58

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn’t have me as a pinned text message thread on his phone. But he definitely has his female best friend pinned. He even has a cute nickname for her. The girl he says, "Not to worry about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 217

07/03/2010 00:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 173

You deserved it 2 222

26/04/2016 22:24 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I seriously considered stepping in front of a car so that I could miss a few days of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 325

You deserved it 2 962

19/05/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 263

You deserved it 5 661

22/11/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, after years of torment and relentless harassment, I finally built up the courage to stand up to a bully. I got a detention for swearing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 754

You deserved it 3 365

25/08/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, a customer brought her kids into the store where I work. I like to make people laugh so being my usual joking self I kidded "Why aren't those kids in school?". She didn't laugh when she said that their house burned down the night before and the kids had no clothes to wear to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 126

You deserved it 13 219

12/01/2011 13:28

Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 477

You deserved it 4 222

06/09/2016 13:36 - Estonia - Tartu

Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 340

You deserved it 959

Maoism intensifies

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 02:00

Today, like every evening, our place is literally shaking with banging noises from the apartment below. Are they raising ponies down there? Wrecking the furniture? Taking out some walls? No, it's just my landlord's six-year-old. Playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 114

17/10/2016 20:22 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, I did a piano audition for a musical. Afterwards, the judge asked if I have experience with percussion, and then told me she was considering me for a percussion part. I guess my piano audition really was THAT bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 999

You deserved it 1 052

08/05/2009 20:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 795

You deserved it 44 927

06/11/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 176

You deserved it 5 242

10/02/2015 02:32 - United States - Shakopee

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 397

You deserved it 3 112

02/08/2012 00:56 - United Kingdom - March

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 056

You deserved it 3 281

17/10/2009 16:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around when he accidentally elbowed me in the eye and I couldn't see. He rolled over, turned on the football game, and told me to just walk upstairs and get ice. He also added that he would like a coke while I am up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 863

You deserved it 5 284

29/11/2011 12:42 - United States

Today, I went to a nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the elderly. They threw their bananas at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 663

You deserved it 6 615

12/07/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 887

You deserved it 16 330

Desperate nan

By Anonymous - 10/05/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly, "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 224

You deserved it 3 543

19/11/2011 07:58 - United States

Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 718

You deserved it 3 068

14/09/2014 16:38 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 596

You deserved it 20 790

Don't get it

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 19:17 - United States - Bristol

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 129

You deserved it 3 319

19/04/2013 05:14 - Canada - Clairmont

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 785

You deserved it 10 221

09/03/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 875

You deserved it 4 813

10/12/2016 03:35

Today I was fired from my job. They fired me because they couldn't work around my college schedule. The only reason they hired me was because they were looking for college students and without a job I can't go back to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 023

You deserved it 584

23/04/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my friends all think, "Don't worry about it" means "It's free." I'm a few thousand dollars in debt and they back each other like a gang. Never mind all the Aussies who say it means, "Pay slowly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 2 872

26/05/2019 15:00

Today, I woke up with laryngitis. I just got hired as a waitress. Tomorrow is opening day, the restaurant plays loud music and I can't speak any louder than a whisper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 120

26/11/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 566

You deserved it 3 579

01/05/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 845

You deserved it 54 178

Grammar rules, OK!

By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 12:11 - United States

Today, my new boss lost his shit and flew into a ten minute rant against me about the "value of respect". He told me that if I wanted to stay in "his" company, I'd best start toeing the line. All this because I corrected his misuse of "your" and "you're" in one of his memos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 037

You deserved it 9 360

03/09/2018 04:00 - United States

Today, I'm being paid to watch paint dry. I work for military defense, and the door l just painted is an opening for a secure lab, so has to be monitored nonstop. This cannot happen until the paint dries. The U.S. government is literally paying me to watch paint dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 917

You deserved it 319

14/01/2011 04:30 - Ireland

Today, I had to repeat my order in Starbucks three times because the barista was staring at my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 483

You deserved it 12 400

06/08/2013 15:19 - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 575

You deserved it 15 866

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:05

Can you say cougar. Haha

perdix 29

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:18

If you are so desperate, tell her she doesn't have to pull her hand away so fast. Let her fingers linger.

Comments

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:05

Can you say cougar. Haha

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Friday 22 October 2010 0:59

sexy time yes?

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:08

you get on that horse and ride son ride till you can ride no more my friend then repeat. don't be a faget look at the power you have dumb fuck.

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Friday 22 October 2010 3:57

suck it up princess its just one smack (;

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Friday 22 October 2010 5:01

haha u should be proud to get that older woman ;) but i have had a similar experience with my obese teacher while my ex gf was in the room. can anybody say akwardness??

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Friday 22 October 2010 6:08

She just wants some good mc lovin' 'tis all!

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Friday 22 October 2010 7:31

give her what se want she'd give u a raise

corporatescoundr 25

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Friday 22 October 2010 8:00

had the same experience in my art history class smh...

PieInTheSky24 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 9:37

it's simply a friendly gesture ;)

iSitt 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 10:49

Just close your eyes and think of England. They're all pink on the inside. Married women know how to keep a secret. It's French to cheat on your wife. It's American to get caught.

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Friday 22 October 2010 16:23

^ lmfao priceless mate

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Friday 22 October 2010 19:33

hit it, your career is on the line here

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Saturday 30 October 2010 23:09

Lol! XD

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Saturday 30 October 2010 23:14

yea! ;D

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Sunday 1 April 2012 17:54

Tap it and get that promotion!

hmna 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:06

MILF!

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Friday 22 October 2010 0:35

no not MILF.... GILF!!! Ftw. . . ilol

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Friday 22 October 2010 1:40

LMAO I was gonna say that

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Friday 22 October 2010 3:27

GIWF*

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:09

I'm sure you desperately need this job now. (:

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Friday 22 October 2010 14:09

sue for sexual harassment and get more money?

kaylanicole1255 1

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Wednesday 23 March 2011 3:19

i would file a sexual harrasment suit.

aznbiznitch666 4

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 13:46

Or he can quit and make her his sugamama..

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:11

lovely.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:18

^win.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:24

I love ur glasses ...

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Friday 22 October 2010 0:14

yo

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Saturday 23 October 2010 3:39

lmfao

TheBestManEver 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:11

OP you're looking at this the wrong way. Milk this act and get an upper management job in your workplace.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:12

Well, when you find out why your life sucks, you let me know.

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Friday 22 October 2010 4:23

agreed

dug44 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 20:59

hahahahahaha, u r right!!!

perdix 29

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:18

If you are so desperate, tell her she doesn't have to pull her hand away so fast. Let her fingers linger.

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Friday 22 October 2010 0:58

hahahah oh my!

RedPillSucks 31

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Friday 22 October 2010 5:40

Reminds me of a "3rd Rock" skit. her *puts hand on butt* him "please move your hand" her "I'm so sorry!" *removes hand from butt* him "no, I meant 'around'"

tdub10 2

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:26

Nxt time she does it smack her on the ass back and say good game coach. Lol.... And make sure you put some stank on it.

sxm 13

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:29

and this is an fml why it should be more like a fucking rights type of story.

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Friday 22 October 2010 10:24

Yup, it's called sexual harassment.

IMcPwn 12

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Sunday 16 November 2014 14:39

If you switch the genders of the boss and employee, this would be a rape case no doubt.

TheOtherNewest1 6

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Thursday 21 October 2010 23:29

Go into her office and whip it out and be like "SUCK IT, BITCH!"

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 33

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 103