Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me when I went to give him a blowjob after he got home and his knob tasted different. It was the other woman’s fanny juice still on him because he hadn’t had a shower yet. So f…ing angry and grossed out right now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend learned about my filthy fetishes in the worst way possible. He found me naked in the bathroom, licking the dirty toilet seat. I couldn't even make an excuse. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML
Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML
Today, I spent a good 30 seconds licking my husbands' penis all over before I drew back his foreskin to really start going to town on it, only to discover that under the head was covered in his stinking knob cheese. I threw up three times. He’s an adult man and can’t wash himself properly. Pig. FML
Today, I was going down on my boyfriend, only while I was down there I noticed he had an ungodly amount of dick cheese under his foreskin. He’s now mad at me for blueballing him, even though he’s clearly the one at fault for being a filthy pig. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth, and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML
Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML
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Top comments
Jonkbaby 23
I'm very sorry. You deserve a great man based on your efforts
Hangryko 32
I advise getting tested and send him the bill, right after kicking him out. I am so sorry, OP.
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Comments (8)
raven_of_azarath 35
When people say that when you have sex with someone, you have sex with everyone they’ve slept with, I don’t think this is what they have in mind. In all serious though, that sucks. Sorry OP.
Jonkbaby 23
I'm very sorry. You deserve a great man based on your efforts
sweetpotato 12
that's a HUGE assumption. how exactly do you know ? I mean he could've tasted different from working and sweating. ydi for sucking him after a long day. atleast let the man shower
Bonniibiik 6
Sweat and vaginal secretions don’t taste the same.
sweetpotato 12
yea and I'll repeat it for you, you cannot tell WHAT it is without proof. how's he supposed to smell fresh coming from work ? the OP is clearly insecure once again, you CANNOT say it's "vaginal secretions" just by taste.
Nhayaa2.0 17
Yeah, it doesn't taste the same so she can tell but hell yeah I'm with you on the shower part. I hate it when a man's not clean. Erk.
Hangryko 32
I advise getting tested and send him the bill, right after kicking him out. I am so sorry, OP.
TexasKitten79 6
And you aren't referring to him as your EX boyfriend because....?
diraven 15
Wait. How do you know what "fanny juice" tastes like?
Nhayaa2.0 17
Unlike men who usually don't taste their own secretions, women tend to give ******** during sex. Therefore, they taste their own "fanny juice". And yep, it has a special taste so we can tell.
sweetpotato 12
you truley sound like an idiot. I hope your a doctor . because NOBODY would know what another womans twat juice tastes like
Mike Baird 5
I love British slang.