Animals: Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer,...

By blacktyaffair - 09/11/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 075

You deserved it 4 041

Animals

Another great day to be alive

Our house, in the middle of our street

Ironic

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 07:53 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 343

You deserved it 4 492

By enriquegay - 28/03/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 069

You deserved it 37 457

By tampondealer - 09/11/2009 18:42 - Canada

Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped and ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 064

You deserved it 2 775

By ClutchJunkie - 05/12/2016 15:44

Today, my classic car that I've put hours of wrench time into burst into flames when I tried to start it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 069

You deserved it 1 181

By brit - 11/02/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I was listening to my favorite radio station outta Detroit. A commercial came on for a program that was giving federal grants to people who were going into a trade, like me. Right as I was getting excited I heard the words "brought to you by the government of Canada." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 777

You deserved it 5 601

By bargainshopper - 16/10/2012 11:28 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 723

You deserved it 12 839

By ohgodwhy - 27/11/2012 23:46 - Canada - Brampton

Today, a customer at the Walmart I work at had a hissy fit and began throwing merchandise everywhere, including at my face, because we are Canadian and don't have a show called "Extreme Couponing" for "devoted shoppers" like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 300

You deserved it 1 802

By anonymous - 04/05/2011 10:01 - Australia

Today, as I was walking back inside I noticed my mop leaning on the wall next to my door. I picked it up and started slow dancing with it, imagining it was the girl I'm in love with. I didn't notice my neighbours bunched up at their window laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 440

You deserved it 33 916

Vampire News

By Anonymous - 30/11/2016 01:48

Today, I discovered that when my doctor said my new medication "may cause sensitivity to sunlight" what he meant was "sit in total darkness during the day or your skin will feel like its burning off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 270

You deserved it 561

By uncbballwins - 27/04/2011 04:21

Today, after shopping alone at a grocery store, I was taking my groceries back to my car when a kid grabbed one of my bags and ran. Deciding not to risk leaving the rest of my groceries stranded, I didn't chase him. Later, I realized that was the bag my credit card was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 587

You deserved it 17 297

Technology hates humans

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 237

By sorry dawg - 29/08/2019 20:00

Today, my coworker had been distraught over not being able to keep his dog after his divorce, so trying to be sweet, I'd ordered a specially-made stuffy that looked like it. I put it on his desk with a note and cookies. He thought I was mocking him and threw the plate at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 296

By Is McDonald's Hiring? - 23/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was sternly told that if I didn't pass more students, I would be out of a job. I then went to my class to collect papers, and was stymied by how I could be giving passing grades to the 12 of 24 who didn't turn anything in. College students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 414

You deserved it 158

By Beast - 30/03/2013 06:57 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 086

You deserved it 3 844

By notanazigrandchildafterall - 21/09/2015 11:32 - Germany - Leipzig

Today, going through my late grandmother's papers, I found out that my grandfather had never been in the Nazi party. The reason he was not allowed to work as a teacher was that he had never passed his university exams. He found an invented Nazi past less shameful than academic failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 699

You deserved it 1 723

By hellangelrose - 26/08/2014 07:48 - France

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 254

You deserved it 4 066

By Confused - 16/04/2014 04:13 - United States - Irvine

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 628

You deserved it 14 614

By Ali - 17/04/2019 02:00

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 146

You deserved it 205

By storyofmylife - 23/02/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. Everything was going perfectly, right up until he brought me back to his house to tell his family the good news. When I excused myself to the restroom, I overheard his mom say, "I thought you were going to break up with that stupid slut?" Welcome to the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 413

You deserved it 3 985

By Dana - 29/01/2010 18:59 - United States

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 038

You deserved it 3 188

By Anon - 27/08/2015 08:37 - United States

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 289

You deserved it 5 825

By Work_sucks - 29/11/2016 07:05

Today, I'm facing a disciplinary hearing at work because I occasionally fail to click the door properly shut when I leave the office and this is very upsetting to one of the six colleagues I share my office with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 011

You deserved it 1 342

By ribx - 17/11/2016 11:24 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, despite feeling healthier than ever, losing fat, gaining muscle and having perfect blood results, my morbidly obese relatives keep telling me that my new vegan diet is "unhealthy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 687

You deserved it 1 412

Emotional support

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 08:00

Today, I was complaining to my nana about why I can’t get a date. She proceeded to point out my appearance, lack of brains, abrasive personality, poor clothing choices, tacky tattoos, and so on. Thanks nana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 1 169

By hitchcock2013 - 07/05/2013 17:10 - United States - Taylor

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 662

You deserved it 13 282

By hubby - 08/10/2013 17:57 - United States

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 513

You deserved it 5 770

By vargasm - 18/01/2009 12:12 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see a movie with me. I tried to hold her hand during the movie and it was great for about 4 minutes. Then she said "Can I have my hand back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 043

You deserved it 3 624

Surprise strike

By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 20:02

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 149

By Cup_of___ - 26/11/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 921

You deserved it 30 021

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 67

By nosexlife - 12/09/2009 15:31 - United States

Today, I was with my seven year old daughter purchasing my husband a present for his birthday in a few weeks. At the register, in the very long line, I asked her where we could hide his present so he wouldn't find it, she responded loudly with "Hide it in your room! He never goes in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 599

You deserved it 5 008

Panic buying? What panic buying?

By Paul Rushing - 19/03/2020 15:00

Today, at the supermarket where I work, we had at least 40 people waiting outside for us to open our doors at 7:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 260

By flipnazn - 15/07/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 662

You deserved it 10 106

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 23:51 - Canada

Today, I was working at the hospital front desk when an elderly man started hurling racial slurs at another visitor. A fight broke out, so I stepped in and forcibly separated the two. The old man tripped and crashed to the floor. Now I'm under investigation for "contributing to workplace violence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 314

You deserved it 2 822

DIY Haircuts

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 04:01 - Germany

Today, I cut my own hair. It looks great. Absolutely professional. From the front, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 656

Are you kidding me?

By The nice guy finishing Last - 27/03/2017 12:00

Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 050

You deserved it 219

By Emily Salt - 15/02/2011 08:34

Today, whilst nibbling on my husband's ear, I swallowed a lump of his earwax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 098

You deserved it 25 107

By c*nt - 13/04/2012 23:14 - Canada - London

Today, I was Skyping with this kid, when his girlfriend started arguing with him. They do this every other week, and there was a bet on when they'd finally break up. I egged the guy on and told him not to take her shit. She ended up dumping him. Now I feel like an asshole, and all for a lousy $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 200

You deserved it 47 133

Unfair

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 04:01

Today, I had to do a presentation. No one else in my group showed up, so I had to do it alone. I was given a failing grade for presenting by myself, and therefore not being a "team player". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 50

By Eureka! I still lose.... - 09/02/2018 19:00

Today, I was accused of cheating on our math test, instantly granting me a perfect zero. How? I used the wrong formula on a problem, but ended up with the correct answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 854

You deserved it 271

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Top comments

jessesgirl14 16

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 18:59

Easy access!

Fruit_Dealer 9

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:01

I am willing to market these under the slogan "Crotchless undies, a man's best friend." You get a 35% share. Deal?

jessesgirl14 16

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 18:59

Easy access!

Damn_Hippster 11

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 20:51

My God! That's genius! Your dog has a bright future ahead!

brrarm 17

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:21

I told my dog somebody would eventually steal his idea of crotchless underwear.... Seems OP, yours have.....:(

Buttsexpirate 9

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Thursday 10 November 2011 1:42

*Wink, wink* I know what I'm doing tonight... Eating donuts! What did you think I was going to say?

TheRealBruce 12

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Thursday 10 November 2011 4:32

69 votes;)

Star928 7

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Tuesday 14 August 2012 4:04

Well now your dog can earn you money. Try introducing your dog's fashion designs at Juicy or Forever 21, OP.

friedpwnadge 25

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Monday 14 January 2013 3:17

Victoria's Secret already sells them.

izzie321 27

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Sunday 14 July 2013 19:49

My dog seems to like the style too!

Fruit_Dealer 9

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:01

I am willing to market these under the slogan "Crotchless undies, a man's best friend." You get a 35% share. Deal?

m0tl3ycru3 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:36

Sure here's $5000 *hands over monopoly money

sparkles0103 4

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:02

maybe you should consider investing in a washing machine. eww

Gtfo_Troll 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:19

And how will that fix anything?

copy125 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:19

Dumb comment from a dumb person.....

Marcella1016 31

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 20:11

4 is pointing out that since the dog only ate the crotches they must've smelled and the dirty panties must've been lying around. Hence, the recommendation to invest in a washer.

geekemo92 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 3:19

So every time you take off a pair of underwear, you wash them? I would hate to see your water bill.

ImOlivia 5

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Thursday 10 November 2011 4:28

So everytime you take of underwear you don't wash them? I'd hate to see your underwear.

geekemo92 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 5:46

It's called a laundry hamper. I don't do my laundry every day. Sorry for those picky rich folks that can afford to run a load in the washer for just a pair of underwear. I'm being practical/normal.

flockz 19

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:02

i wish i could train my dog to do that. all mine does is eat, sleep, and shit.

Blissfull_Sin 7

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:17

Lmao... Mines are architects they try to place windows in my hallway wall

ikickgingers 15

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:28

Mines are?

zombicidal 11

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 21:16

^explosive devices

geon_olam 17

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:28

That's cuz it's a cat

every1luvsboners 11

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:02

Were you wearing them at the time?

EpicPear 0

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:04

Yeah because every "dog" loves boners.

rawrriri 8

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:13

8, shh. Just stop.

freelove_fml 2

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:24

Hey, it's better than every boner loves dogs.

zuzupetalsYO 11

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Thursday 10 November 2011 6:53

The doggie was probably chewing on the unwashed skids *quiver

FriscoKidz 10

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:04

Smart dog

mandadarling 10

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:05

haha :) that does suck! my dog does that too.. i have to hide undies and shorts from her!

nabee26 15

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Friday 29 June 2012 16:22

Your dog eats your underwear??? Wow!!! Usually dogs eat some pretty gross things so maybe your underwear were super gross and had nasty discharge and he just loves to eat it up!! Gross!!! Proper vaginal cleaning prevents this. My dog has NEVER eaten my underwear. Maybe your dog is trying to tell you something!

deviable 9

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:05

My dog preferred the air holes on the sides for breathability.

squerbach 1

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:09

Ha my dog does that too!! He's been doing for bout a yr now!!

Savra_fml 17

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:41

Mate, you sound like a pirate! You should get a parrot. They do less damage than dogs.

Marcella1016 31

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Wednesday 9 November 2011 22:40

It's been a year and you still haven't figured out not to leave your dirty underwear on the floor?

meliesFML 0

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Thursday 10 November 2011 3:00

my 7 month dog does it too! @68 it's not that I leave my underwear on the floor .. my dog goes to my laundry room and eats the dirty ones. which btw; she knows how to open doors. so don't be quick to assume OP or 11 is dirty!