Love: Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most...

By pain - 26/02/2010 10:23 - Japan

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 363

You deserved it 3 267

Love

Dementia or hate? You decide

Vulture

Sweet, my ass

By not_very_smart - 24/07/2013 06:44 - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 618

You deserved it 4 825

By cars hate me - 26/02/2017 11:00 - United States - Compton

Today, my car was rear-ended and totaled. Last year, during the same month, my previous car was rear-ended and totaled. I should just stop driving during the month of February. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 105

You deserved it 411

Out of it

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 04:01

Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 192

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635 378

You deserved it 795 016

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 04:26 - United States

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 925

You deserved it 6 315

By assholedad - 11/02/2015 21:00 - United States

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 182

You deserved it 10 803

By couch girl - 25/06/2013 16:23 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 734

You deserved it 3 911

By killerxdeagles - 23/12/2014 02:22 - United States - Wichita

Today, I was t-boned and my truck was rendered useless. I was given a ticket even though the man who hit me ran a red light. Why? Because there was dirt on my license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 465

You deserved it 3 080

By ad4 - 31/01/2011 23:11 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my family surrounding me with breakfast in bed and sweet 16 balloons. My birthday is in 3 months, and I will be 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 111

You deserved it 4 102

By Oh_Well - 11/10/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 248

You deserved it 3 114

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 355

You deserved it 178

By wtf - 30/08/2011 12:16 - India

Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 493

You deserved it 4 076

By tara22 - 27/04/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 005

You deserved it 6 268

By lovethateuropeanblood - 08/12/2014 14:12 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 5 053

Fashionista

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 00:25 - United States - Newark

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 455

You deserved it 5 682

By Craig - 05/02/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 222

You deserved it 7 961

By Anonymous - 23/08/2013 21:58 - Mexico

Today, I have to get an ultrasound at the hospital. In order to get a clear picture, I need to have a full bladder. I've been waiting my turn for 2 hours now, desperately needing to pee. There are still multiple patients ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 702

You deserved it 3 080

Good kid

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 13:59

Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 994

You deserved it 122

By anonymus - 18/08/2009 16:33 - United States

Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 800

You deserved it 10 264

By padthaimeanoose - 19/07/2015 03:29 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 819

You deserved it 2 439

By Googlebug - 01/11/2010 10:15 - United States

Today, my dad, who lives hours away, called and told me he was getting married. Today. As in this evening. Guess I'm not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 131

You deserved it 2 531

buys case of Listerine

By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 874

You deserved it 331

WTF dude?

By 4evalone - 22/04/2016 18:06 - United States

Today, the man I love, who broke my heart by leaving me a few months ago, showed up to a family event and pulled off the most elaborate, romantic proposal I've ever seen. He was proposing to my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 288

You deserved it 1 644

Make your minds up

By Remy - 16/11/2013 23:39 - United States - Portland

Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 924

You deserved it 3 090

By newlyengaged - 08/01/2017 18:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 811

You deserved it 570

By fmljae - 20/01/2011 09:11

Today, I rented a 4x4 to take my wife to a secret secluded beach for our anniversary. I got as close as I could to the spot and parked on the beach. After a few romantic hours we returned to find the car half way up the windows with water. I forgot it was king tide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 803

You deserved it 30 732

By Lo_Bolian - 25/04/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 600

You deserved it 3 398

By auraya1985 - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 240

You deserved it 1 869

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 04:58 - United States - Latrobe

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 440

You deserved it 2 364

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 08:03 - United States

Today, at Burger King, I had to go to the bathroom. Two ketchup packets were under the seat and exploded on my legs and pants when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 832

You deserved it 6 066

By Anonymous - 31/03/2012 07:03 - United States - Puyallup

Today, on my way to my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he doesn't have to drive me in anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 707

You deserved it 2 306

By thankskimi - 15/03/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566 240

You deserved it 40 184

Unprofessional

By Anonymous - 04/09/2020 05:02

Today, I found out my fiancé has been sleeping with his therapist behind my back. If that wasn't bad enough on its own, I'd talked him into starting therapy 6 months ago to help with his mental health troubles, and have been mostly paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 074

You deserved it 174

By badtrip - 03/03/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 219

You deserved it 33 398

By LonelyMonkey - 12/11/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 361

You deserved it 3 272

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 14:35 - United States

Today, I was driving my car like any ordinary day. My dad has been harping on me about not checking the oil, so I finally checked it. Driving down the road my hood flew up and shattered my windshield. I forgot to latch my hood after checking the oil. $300 for a new windshield. The oil was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 270

You deserved it 62 610

By crazy cat lady - 03/11/2016 19:31 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 459

You deserved it 857

By kbeavv - 11/02/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I read my mom's Facebook status. It said, "So sick of kids, can't wait for Vegas this week!" My dad, along with 12 others, liked it. I didn't even know she was going to Vegas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 907

You deserved it 4 784

Mixed signals

By kylinsmama - 08/03/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, I got in trouble with my doctor for eating too soon after surgery. Why was I eating? Because the nurses brought me food, which apparently I should've known not to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 213

By KidKillah - 01/09/2012 04:07 - United States - Napa

Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 996

You deserved it 3 168

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Top comments

libido_fml 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:07

you should post the video, it'll make you famous

creepermagnet 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:10

Well, that's just a shitty situation ;)

libido_fml 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:07

you should post the video, it'll make you famous

fueledbyshar 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:09

Sometimes fame isnt always worth it.

libido_fml 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:10

yeah, but it'll make people laugh... you can't beat that

libido_fml 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:16

plus she's in japan.. they like all the wierd shit over there anyway

Horney4her69 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:21

AFV. $10,000 :p

thecbake4 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:22

You sgould have created a diversion or said, "Oh, i forgot my ring...Brb" ;)

Ouroboros_fml 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 17:21

EPIC WIN!!!! (REMEMBER KIDDIES, CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!)

Inabsentia 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 18:29

I agree with 1

abcnonamecba 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 19:18

that sucks sorry to hear it nd I agree with no1

samantha_durano 6

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Friday 26 February 2010 20:29

hahh, woww.

ey3seecold 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 20:41

don't worry I'm sure the marriage will evntually turn that liquid into solid shot and then u can flush both down the toilet!!

suaveneanderthal 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 21:52

sounds like the plot for a great japanese porno, just add milk enemas a little bukkake and some eels

Darkangels_fml 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 0:07

@38 you play wow stfu

Cthulu 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 0:37

38's comment is a rule of the Internet

chely_95 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 4:51

SOOO BAD. :O

cmac86 23

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Saturday 27 February 2010 8:04

@86 I take it you watch a lot of Japanese porn. and whether or not your comment was tongue and cheek, that still sounds beyond weird!

eric780 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 6:39

*altar

confused_012 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 14:07

Agree!!! THat'd be hillarious

ebonyrose2828 16

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 10:31

ouchieee

omgitsdomonique 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:07

lmfao, fyl.

allen20 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:21

Hahahahaha explode diahrrea all over his face lmfao xD It would be like your giving him a part of you(;

ladiesman14 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:45

this can happen to girls whove had alot of butt sex prior to marriage. what color was the back of your dress A.D. ? brown, red, black or yellow ?

drewbell 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 0:02

baha!

surfluvr44 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 8:38

hahahahahaha

willou35_fml 13

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Sunday 28 February 2010 19:52

wow

GeoThermalSleuth 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:09

... Wow.

hadi_brown 0

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Saturday 22 January 2011 21:42

girls can fart ?

creepermagnet 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:10

Well, that's just a shitty situation ;)

BadPinkKitty07 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:54

very punny. ;)

scarletdragonfly 5

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Monday 1 March 2010 2:23

SO... MANY... PUNS... OP: God that sucks, especially on your wedding day. =(

thatpianoguy612 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:10

...whoa. words can't express how much yl is f'd... haha

koolitaliano 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 17:06

true, especially because it was on her wedding day!!

KyuubiKid92 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:11

Iuch. That totally sucks. FYL.

katiekat23 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:12

well just think...I'm sure there are worse things that could happen. your wedding should be one of the most special days of your life so at least it gives you and your special someone something to laugh about and remember forever:)

Person1233 12

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:14

FYL.

mrguy266 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:17

"Today (on my wedding day) as I was saying my vows to the love my life, she felt like she should respond by shitting...right in front of me FML."

Thoureau 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:41

It probably would've hurt less if her husband got off to that stuff or if she was in Germany (but I guess Japan works too). But in all seriousness though, I'm really sorry that that happened.

tc710 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:43

what does Germany have to do with anything?

Thoureau 0

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Friday 26 February 2010 16:59

There's a stereotype that Germany is the home of many corprophila (a fetish involving shit) pornos. It's referenced in the South Park Movie, but to be honest, I'm not 100% sure about it being a true stereotype.