Health: Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 3

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 718

13/05/2012 06:28

Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were taking photos and I threw up on my dress. At least the pictures were outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 240

You deserved it 2 991

BO Central

Best teeth in the game

First Dates

Outcast

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 21:30

Today, while looking through the newspaper, I saw that my sister got married a couple weeks ago. Not only did she not invite me, she "forgot" to mention it yesterday while we were having lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 71

23/05/2014 21:25

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 086

You deserved it 4 663

Liar, liar

By skanula414 - 31/12/2014 19:00

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 353

You deserved it 49 444

Delayed

By inheritance - 05/05/2015 14:44

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 078

You deserved it 3 407

19/08/2011 13:11

Today, I discovered that I won't be able to wear the dress with a low neck line that I bought for my cousin's wedding, because my older brother thought it would be funny to mix a scented body-wash that he knows makes my skin break out in hives, with my regular one. My chest looks like a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 286

You deserved it 2 832

22/06/2010 13:49

Today, my grandfather died. The last thing he said to me was "You smell awful." I work in a fish store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 135

You deserved it 5 244

30/10/2012 19:34

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 601

You deserved it 2 612

27/08/2016 06:27

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 640

You deserved it 3 204

15/02/2012 19:26

Today, I fought back with words against a bully. He cried, and I got detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 005

You deserved it 2 940

20/11/2011 23:51

Spicy

Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 715

You deserved it 45 956

02/11/2010 23:34

Today, my marriage counselor told me I have the communication skills of a Lou Gehrig's patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 218

You deserved it 17 026

07/10/2010 06:29

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 257

You deserved it 16 322

16/10/2009 04:47

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 101

You deserved it 6 438

13/10/2009 11:07

Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 401

You deserved it 2 949

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 23/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I texted my friend, asking if he could give me a ride. He assumed I meant sex, and told me I need to respect boundaries. I actually needed a ride to the hospital for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 211

09/11/2011 14:48

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 071

You deserved it 4 040

16/08/2009 23:33

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 019

You deserved it 8 012

25/07/2013 16:17

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 775

You deserved it 6 117

16/03/2009 01:09

Today, I heard back from my store management interview at Target. I was offered an overnight stock clerk position. When I called HR to find out if my application was in the wrong file I was told I lack the leadership qualities necessary for Target. I graduated with honors from a military school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 966

You deserved it 6 115

29/03/2016 05:01

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 100

You deserved it 1 967

20/09/2011 04:26

Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 957

You deserved it 8 591

17/04/2019 14:00

Today, while working at a grocery store, I spent about 30 minutes pushing carts inside in a blizzard. Not even 10 minutes after I had finished, I looked out the window and saw that not only had the snow completely stopped, but the sun was shining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 157

02/12/2014 15:42

Today, I got broken up with. In a text message. She texted my grandma, who then had to forward said text to me. I got broken up via grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 917

You deserved it 3 152

07/09/2012 06:49

Today, I wrote an e-mail to a friend stating how hot my client was. I waited for her response, but received a response from my client stating, "I would readdress this accordingly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 119

You deserved it 34 452

26/12/2015 02:35

Today, I found out you can get hemorrhoids during labor even if you have a c-section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 526

You deserved it 1 784

26/08/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 310

16/08/2019 16:00

Today, I decided to confess my feelings and perform a love song I'd written for my crush during an open mic night. He was there - he also took the opportunity to declare his love to his on-off girlfriend, get down on one knee and propose to her. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 707

You deserved it 474

13/03/2015 04:19

Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 817

You deserved it 4 442

Mirror mirror

By Anonymous - 05/05/2013 15:53

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 766

You deserved it 8 639

Needs more training

By catlady'sdaughter - 03/07/2020 17:01

Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 111

27/09/2011 01:10

Today, my parents took away my laptop, TV, Xbox, and car all because I broke up with my girlfriend. They said when I patch things up with her, I can have my stuff back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 491

You deserved it 5 330

01/02/2010 00:20

Spicy

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 677

You deserved it 3 879

14/02/2017 15:00

Today, I was at a house-warming party and my friend was in her kitchen making drinks. When I was almost done with my drink, I went to take the last gulp and saw three mouse turds stuck to the inside bottom of the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 696

You deserved it 520

10/04/2013 17:41

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 508

You deserved it 18 487

08/01/2013 17:45

Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk. She crashed her car because they made her dizzy, and thinks I should pay for the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 438

You deserved it 2 803

15/02/2015 14:52

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 682

You deserved it 4 141

31/10/2014 14:27

Today, a customer bought several drill bits. When I asked him, "Do you want a bag for your bits?" he just stared at me uncomfortably, apparently thinking I was trying to come onto him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 524

You deserved it 2 906

07/02/2013 00:26

Spicy

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 702

You deserved it 42 487

17/08/2009 23:40

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 251

You deserved it 25 926

26/12/2013 23:57

Today, I went on a 70-mile drive to the next town over to finally meet this beautiful girl I had talked to online. To my surprise, she looked exactly how she did in her pictures, minus the ring on her finger and the fiancé who wanted to punch me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 387

You deserved it 5 796

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:10

And according to your husband, the worst part was that you made a duck face in all of the pictures.

Wheredidgrungego 12

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:27

Looks like you THROW a pretty UPlifting party OP! ...Okay I'll just go bury myself now.

Comments

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:08

Fyl

CaramelMacchiato 13

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:16

There's a button for that.

2dog 15

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:50

Yes I hate the people that just respond "FYL" or "YDI" when they can just press the button

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Sunday 13 May 2012 19:40

I always read YDI as "your dah idiot" ... Idk why lol

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Sunday 13 May 2012 23:22

65 that works too most of the time :)

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:08

At least you were outside

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:18

Indeed. It could have been worse, I guess. Threwing up in the church (or whereever the ceremony was held) would bother me sligthly more. I bet most guests are familiar with the corresponding youtube-videos and think similar. May the rest of your married life be less filled with vomit.

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Monday 14 May 2012 14:13

Less paid attention (quantity) to the actual threwing up part. I assumed that it was the formal photo shooting, only attended by a "small" group. Still sucks of course! Ah, nevermind it all.

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:09

Some people have a fetish for that

christiangirl 5

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:13

Ew. .

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Sunday 13 May 2012 17:02

and other people are normal and not sick human beiungs

nerobluerose 10

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Sunday 13 May 2012 17:55

That fetish killed a woman on 1000 ways to die...

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Sunday 13 May 2012 22:26

Except if they're throwing up, they ARE sick.

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:10

And according to your husband, the worst part was that you made a duck face in all of the pictures.

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Monday 14 May 2012 7:22

Ha ha! Good reference. So this is the other side of the story.

nerobluerose 10

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:11

Too much wedding cake?

2dog 15

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:52

How could there be to much wedding cake when they haven't had any because the pictures are generally takes before the cake

2dog 15

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Sunday 13 May 2012 17:20

Well then, I am sorry but maybe it is you who cannot take a joke

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Sunday 13 May 2012 17:30

2dog: No part of your comment was a joke. I've tried to be nice about it, but this how I feel: If you can't contribute anything but criticism to comments, then shut the hell up.

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:13

Say cheese!!!! Ohh no don't make me think abo- blahhh

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:15

Don't you just love open bar.

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:20

You poor thing! But congrats on getting married even if the day didnt go as planned!

Wheredidgrungego 12

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:27

Looks like you THROW a pretty UPlifting party OP! ...Okay I'll just go bury myself now.

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Sunday 13 May 2012 17:13

I'll get the shovel!

2dog 15

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Sunday 13 May 2012 17:24

HAHAHA LOL!!! I get it Throw Up in it your funny and to everyone who thinks I cannot take a joke, well go f*ck yourself,

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Sunday 13 May 2012 17:34

2dog - Here I was thinking that models were nice people. The fact is you can't take a joke and you're criticizing a lot of comments on here. Just stop or you're just going to get more hate. I'm just trying to help.

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Sunday 13 May 2012 19:34

Yay 2dog got it!! I didn't get it until she said something. Thank you so much 2dog I am forever in your debt.

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Thursday 9 August 2012 1:37

But was your groom really that bad?

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Sunday 13 May 2012 16:28

and the worst part was?