Health: Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML - FML

By ekoblick - 17/06/2011 04:34 - United States

Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 293

You deserved it 3 907

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Best teeth in the game

Do your own research

Team number #1

By IantoJones_fml - 22/12/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my country’s congress failed on key legislation for social supports, voting rights and climate change. Thus probably dooming our democracy, our planet, and our species. Society may collapse within my lifetime. I don’t know how to protect my loved ones, nor how to process my grief and fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 908

Take the L

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 09:31 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 975

You deserved it 4 930

By wheresmysweater - 28/12/2012 03:49 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my trunk froze shut with my Christmas presents inside. Since it was still shut, I went to the store. When I came out, some ice had melted and the trunk had popped open. All of my gifts were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 721

You deserved it 5 313

By thatguy - 21/12/2009 00:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 570

You deserved it 24 098

Everyone's A Critic

By hushed - 30/08/2017 15:14 - Canada - Leduc

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 807

You deserved it 237

By not getting any anymore - 22/02/2009 03:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 289

You deserved it 7 811

By Embarrassed Swimmer - 11/12/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 718

You deserved it 18 517

By Anonymous - 19/12/2013 22:49 - Australia - Kensington

Today, my mother decided to inform me that she doesn't believe canned food can have an expiry date and that the food is still okay to eat years after the 'supposed' expiry date. She's probably been cooking my dinner with expired food for over 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 883

You deserved it 4 991

By Noname - 15/03/2009 19:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 105

You deserved it 79 046

By Good Parenting? - 26/06/2015 16:38 - United States - Columbia

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 487

You deserved it 2 834

Halloween has started early

By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 00:01

Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 145

By abonde29 - 24/05/2018 20:30

Today, I got a text from my cousin saying he's gay. I was thrilled and told him I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 225

You deserved it 541

By arghh - 29/09/2009 09:43 - Australia

Today, I was on a tram and I noticed an older lady having trouble getting down the stairs. I immediately got up to help her, dropping my bag on the seat accidentally. As I went to get back on the tram, the doors closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 714

You deserved it 5 555

Karen strikes again

By fucking Karens! - 11/08/2020 14:02

Today, I got lost searching for an apartment in a huge complex. A hysterical woman started screaming that I didn’t belong there, and that she was calling the police. She stood behind my car so I couldn’t leave. I’m a pizza delivery driver, in full uniform and with the company emblem on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 22:01

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 903

You deserved it 1 109

By Anonymous - 25/05/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, my boss and I were preparing a lunch order for a nearby real-estate agency. I noticed that the order was riddled with spelling mistakes, so I laughed and mocked the realtors calling them stupid and incompetent. My boss then pointed out that the order was written in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 910

You deserved it 40 741

By Anonymous - 01/01/2019 11:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I got rear ended. The guy flashed his lights at me to pull over, so I pulled into the side of the road. He drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 728

You deserved it 178

By Anonymous - 12/06/2009 06:39 - Canada

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 702

You deserved it 11 164

By Monique - 10/04/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 058

You deserved it 10 769

By ev_lyn_aw - 17/05/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 813

You deserved it 266

By RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) - 17/12/2014 18:47 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 823

You deserved it 6 611

By HGTV - 01/10/2013 18:43 - United States - Boston

Today, I got home to the smell of permanent marker and the discovery that my roommate's little sister had drawn flower petals around every polka dot she could reach on my walls. I just put up the wallpaper last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 728

You deserved it 4 091

By doesn't fuck on the first, thank god - 23/03/2014 20:25 - United Kingdom - Southend-on-sea

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 468

You deserved it 4 544

By irresponsible - 14/08/2010 20:41 - United States

Today, I missed my shift at work. I had asked my girlfriend, who works at the same store, to text me my schedule. She sent me the wrong hours for today. I got suspended, and she broke up with me for being too irresponsible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 926

You deserved it 8 847

By housewiththinwalls - 10/10/2014 23:22 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, after getting stressed out by my parents having a serious fight for hours, I'm now listening to their make-up sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 809

You deserved it 3 945

They're still books, technically

By breakmyfall - 15/11/2020 02:02

Today my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she, "only read good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Grey and the Twilight Saga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 76

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, I was hooking up with a girl, but when she got my pants down, she got mad and left, saying she was gonna kill her sister who lied to her about me having a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 152

By lola1313 - 18/09/2013 02:17 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 527

You deserved it 41 034

King Dick

By wtf bro - 20/03/2020 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after returning from some caveman type "men’s retreat" with his buddies, my husband is now refusing to cook or help out with the house and kids as it’s "women’s work." He also expects to be fetched beer on demand and referred to as "King" from now on. I don’t know rather to laugh or cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 375

You deserved it 266

By toothpaste - 19/01/2012 12:17 - Australia

Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 342

You deserved it 2 303

By David - 01/09/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 317

You deserved it 10 079

By flyingpuppy - 17/06/2012 06:33 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 455

You deserved it 3 842

By Cowgirl_Up37 - 02/07/2011 20:54 - United States

Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 807

You deserved it 47 960

By Insensitive - 15/04/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I was talking on my mobile and walking into a grocery store saying, quite loudly, "Time heals all wounds!" right as I passed a woman with significant burns covering her face. I guess I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 397

You deserved it 53 506

By Pain_intolerant - 11/03/2011 14:11 - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 403

You deserved it 4 994

Never ever

By notgettinsome - 10/11/2013 06:15 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 168

You deserved it 5 205

By brittholzworth - 27/06/2019 20:00

Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 701

By anonymous - 11/10/2016 05:23 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I was taking my phone out of my pocket when it caught on the fabric and began to fall. I managed to catch it, but also smacked myself in the balls in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 524

You deserved it 2 184

By fuckmylifeLulu - 09/04/2011 16:07 - United States

Today, I filed my taxes. As a divorcée with children, I was supposed to get $3,500 back from the IRS. Alas, my ex's new wife already filed with my children, who don't live with her. I now owe the IRS $250. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 918

You deserved it 4 073

By embarassed_chick - 24/08/2009 19:59 - United States

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 623

You deserved it 4 766

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:46

neway... how was the wedding :] ?

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:52

I smell vomit.

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:46

neway... how was the wedding :] ?

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:53

What about the guests?..

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 12:19

I hope it wasn't the cake!

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 14:09

oh sorry about that

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 16:14

Well how much was spent on the food?

Veraymix 6

Friday 17 June 2011 21:29

Bad catering? File a complaint!

Send a private message

Saturday 18 June 2011 21:23

just you? or everyone else

Send a private message

Sunday 19 June 2011 4:57

well congrats!!!!!! =^D

Send a private message

Sunday 19 June 2011 8:26

Apparently that happened to my mother too.

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:47

I guess there will be no honey moon :)

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 13:06

'Til death do they part, I guess?

Iamnotmyself 17

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 19:01

Nah, I'm guessing they could have a weird fetish honeymoon if they wanted. Or they could spend their honeymoon like a boss and meditate. psh who am I kidding FYL OP.

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:47

did you still pay the caterer ?

unluckiestperson_fml 14

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 15:01

I wouldn't.

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 22:30

who would?

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:51

I smell a law suit

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:52

I smell vomit.

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:54

haha that too

Dontstealmyname 11

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 12:43

Just wondering, how does a law suit smell like?

MrSassypants 32

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 15:05

19 like cornbread. Don't ask why it smells like cornbread... it just does... it just does.

Iwashere12345 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 21:42

fool, you don't sue someone for food poisoning

Send a private message

Friday 19 August 2011 6:28

Actually, you do. You're giving someone BAD FOOD. They could DIE from that.

cynide 13

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:52

did it atleast taste good?

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 12:25

better going down then coming up.

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:53

Isn't there usually just cake at a wedding reception?

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 13:08

Seriously? Have you ever been to a wedding reception?

yourlifesfucked 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 14:49

Lol, thanks for savin me the trouble. At my cousin's wedding we had venison sausage, burgers, steak, and i shit you not, slim jims... my cousin's a redneck =P

yourlifesfucked 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 14:49

Lol, thanks for savin me the trouble. At my cousin's wedding we had venison sausage, burgers, steak, and i shit you not, slim jims... my cousin's a redneck =P

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 19:51

I've been to 3 but I was little. That's all I remember

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 20:13

no Honey . There's A thing called a reception an after Party!

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 21:19

I decided to backspace my first intended response @62 and will leave it at Fyl.

Send a private message

Sunday 19 June 2011 0:48

Hey ;D

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:58

well that blows

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 17:07

blows chunks? ^ lol

Iamnotmyself 17

Send a private message

Saturday 18 June 2011 4:04

-54 HAHAHAHAHA. NO.

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 11:58

haha you dumbass deserve it :D

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 12:20

why's that?

Dontstealmyname 11

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 12:56

#11 - You can't even get your grammer right and you want to call others a dumbass? Also, I don't understand how OP deserves it. It's not like he knew he was going to get food poisoning from the caterer he ordered from. So, that being said, who's the dumbass now huh?

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 13:22

don't feed the troll

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 13:26

don't feed the troll

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 14:46

*Psst* it's spelled grammar :P

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 16:16

hahaha 22 you failed if you are giving a grammar lesson be sure you can spell grammar the right way

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 17:56

I think it's funny when someone tries to correct others grammar. when allllllllll of us make grammar mistakes :3 usually from keyboards. ha. just cause there is a grammatical error doesn't mean we are sTo0pId(;

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 19:32

#22: it's funny how u say that but u spelled grammar wrong.

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 12:00

Honeymoon in the bathroom instead in the bedroom.

jacobs_double 0

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 20:25

bumpkin all day

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 12:18

I hope you didn't pay the fuckers the full amount

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2011 16:27

she/he shouldn't pay the fuckers at all!

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 419

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 61