Love: Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

By fun - 16/06/2013 04:54 - United States

Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 940

You deserved it 4 572

Love

And today, on Dr Phil…

There's no helping some people

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 195

You deserved it 45 391

By Keith walk - 12/02/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 180

You deserved it 22 827

By ripped - 07/09/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 765

You deserved it 1 352

Busted

By katara - 02/07/2010 23:53 - United States

Today, I was relaxing on the couch after a long day with my annoying aunt when I heard my sister come in from the garage. I loudly asked, "Do you think Aunt Stacy knows everybody doesn't like her?" It wasn't my sister. It was my aunt returning my purse I had left in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 977

You deserved it 57 370

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 04:31 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I began taking a French language class. After completing and submitting some homework, I got a response. A response that was completely in French. I can't understand shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 031

You deserved it 3 588

How close is too close?

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 17:30 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I found out just how close my mom and fiancé are. No, they aren’t sleeping together, but she has been covering for him while he has sex with other women behind my back. Her excuse? He deserves to be happy too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 846

You deserved it 107

By rock'n roller - 03/12/2013 03:42

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 591

You deserved it 6 444

By Noname - 21/02/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 103

You deserved it 58 179

By SexyQueen0905 - 17/05/2011 13:05

Today, my friends were making fun of my clumsiness. I replied that I was not clumsy, and to prove it I was going to go the whole day without messing up. As I said this, I tripped over an extension cord and hit my head on a desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 573

You deserved it 11 996

By sammyducks227 - 08/11/2013 07:49 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 512

You deserved it 3 680

Great speech, thanks!

By Anonymous - 09/08/2020 02:02

Today, my biologist father had a slide show and speech prepared for my wedding. It started with, “40 years ago, there was a tree here”. I thought this would relate to me or the wedding at some point. 45 minutes later, I had to admit that it didn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 131

By thatchick3333 - 08/03/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 429

You deserved it 6 903

By foreveralone - 23/06/2013 14:42 - United States

Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 859

You deserved it 9 465

By involuntary waxing - 15/01/2012 09:00 - Canada

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 940

You deserved it 4 294

By twiggygonegirl - 06/06/2017 22:00

Today, I updated my list of "quit smoking rewards" to include new clothes. New clothes to fit my new voluptuous body, because the question of how I used to stay thin has been answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 775

You deserved it 614

By :| - 16/04/2011 02:04 - Canada

Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 565

You deserved it 6 355

By :/ - 05/04/2015 00:44 - United States - Groton

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 391

You deserved it 11 091

By Saradee - 24/12/2012 04:55 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 002

You deserved it 10 913

By Victor - 09/09/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said "you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 629

You deserved it 59 143

By the long distance guy - 08/04/2014 07:56 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 691

You deserved it 6 966

By PokeTheBear - 22/07/2009 21:09 - Canada

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 531

You deserved it 5 699

By Anonymous - 13/01/2012 18:58 - Canada

Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 672

You deserved it 2 405

Bad sex

By izzie - 09/05/2010 14:15 - Canada

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 412

You deserved it 5 046

Mixed results

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 17:00

Today, I realized that in the 3 and half month relationship with a wonderful guy I truly like, so far I've masturbated more than the whole year I was single before I met him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 233

By Dx - 06/03/2011 07:18 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my usual. After putting the baby to sleep I put some popcorn in the microwave and went to the bathroom. When I came out the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. One of the neighbors saw and called 911. I'm out of a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 205

You deserved it 34 801

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 011

You deserved it 3 652

By Courtney - 07/11/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 991

You deserved it 5 200

Countdown

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 05:01 - United States - Arbuckle

Today, I broke my ankle trying to step over a pipe, but instead slipped and put all of my weight on my left ankle. I'm scheduled for surgery in 3 days, which will be my 1-month countdown to my due date. I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 141

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 10:57

Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 108

By electricpuddle - 25/04/2011 01:11

Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 755

You deserved it 4 023

Confinement, episode 3774

By S3XY_SiNG3R - 11/04/2020 02:00

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 1 963

Acting 101

By jazzyfizzle - 31/05/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 164

You deserved it 71 231

Classic story

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 05:01

Today, I found out my boyfriend of six years, with whom I wanted to spend my life with, has been cheating behind my back with my friend. The kicker? They met after I invited her to live with us to get away from her chaotic family, and I suspected she was emotionally stunted at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 05:50 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 746

You deserved it 48 950

Quiet please

By mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 935

You deserved it 3 492

By Anonymous - 11/02/2014 19:10 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 318

You deserved it 3 683

Timing is key

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 08:04

Today, we live in a society where an Uber Eats order arrives a lot faster than the authorities. To make things worse, the Uber Eats order arrives screwed up as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 927

You deserved it 9 033

By Brotherssuckkk - 18/01/2010 20:04 - France

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 098

You deserved it 4 790

By shithead - 18/09/2011 20:17 - United States

Today, my friends and I ran through a flock of resting seagulls. The birds took to the skies and chased after us, covering us in shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 753

You deserved it 51 045

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Top comments

lulubelles 33

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Sunday 16 June 2013 11:55

He's just making sure you really meant in sickness and in health

perdix 29

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:01

So, do the vows count, or is puking the same as crossing fingers in nullifying promises?

lulubelles 33

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Sunday 16 June 2013 11:55

He's just making sure you really meant in sickness and in health

xlord 27

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:12

I wonder how he's going to make sure she means 'till death do us part'.

then000bster 16

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:13

Well for better or for worst... Can't get too much worst than puke on your wedding day.

ShyAnn29 14

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:25

Perhaps he was just nervous.

DerrickJames 33

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:28

Love is one hell of a drug.

science-teacher 15

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Sunday 16 June 2013 15:45

was it a gay marriage?

XArmyof1x 6

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Sunday 16 June 2013 16:23

dont know why you got thumbed down. OP stated that their gender is male.

asnakelovinbabe 16

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Sunday 16 June 2013 16:58

Hehe... I almost threw up and passed out during my wedding. I was 7 months pregnant and having false contractions.

SirMichael 13

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Monday 17 June 2013 0:14

#44 perhaps he got thumbed down because it's obvious that it was so asking is a bit pointless.

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Monday 17 June 2013 8:47

#10 You could die.

redbandit9877 12

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Sunday 16 June 2013 11:56

That must have been some bachelor party.

Bano360 25

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Sunday 16 June 2013 13:19

Erm, does someone else want to take this one?

Bano360 25

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Sunday 16 June 2013 13:54

Just realised I commented on the wrong one. My bad.

XxXCrissyXxX 12

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Sunday 16 June 2013 11:57

Little to much fun the night before? :p

LaughinStock 16

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Sunday 16 June 2013 15:26

Nah I'm thinking he was very nervous, poor guy.

XxXCrissyXxX 12

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Sunday 16 June 2013 23:14

Very possible, but many people hold bachelor parties the night before, why the night before, i really don't know.

turdlett 4

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 1:18

Because It's the last night to hang with the boys before she puts the penis in her purse.

mybarra6 17

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:00

It was probably just nerves, but still FYL OP

perdix 29

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:01

So, do the vows count, or is puking the same as crossing fingers in nullifying promises?

Angel_Cacey 7

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Sunday 16 June 2013 20:04

Op did u still kiss him? O.O

UK_Tyler 1

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:04

Hang on, you are spending your wedding night on FML?

dinosxxrawr 22

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:06

just testing out the "in sickness and in health" part.

astralvagan 20

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Sunday 16 June 2013 14:33

Sorry, someone beat you to that one

LOVELIVELAUG 4

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:15

take it easyon him, he was nervous a similar thing happened to me ;)

pistachiopanda 19

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:34

Throwing up is better than throwing down, eh?

Lumen94 10

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Sunday 16 June 2013 14:17

Ha!

perdix 29

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Sunday 16 June 2013 12:39

"Who's Ralph? And why did you say you would love and honor him?"

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 81

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 44

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