Love: Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I... - FML

By DutchOven - United States

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

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OK sweaty, time for a bath

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By AlexB - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, in an effort to try and get fit, I was doing yoga on my carpet when my foot slipped. It went under my radiator, which peeled the skin off my heel like peeling a potato. FML

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By what_the_hell - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

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By ECullen - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML

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By Triedtobecool - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 14:00

Epitaph

Today, I asked my boyfriend to honestly tell me if I had become overweight. He replied that yes, I had, but that it was OK because I was his "Lumpy Space Princess." FML

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By brooke - United States - Kissimmee

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

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By mybmw - United States

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

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By Nasty - United States - Tallahassee

Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

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By gjh - Australia

Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to pull them all out. And no, I didn't get any. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Batesville

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

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By flatfoot - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

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By Belt issues - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I took a train for 5 hours to a remote northern community. My belt broke as I was getting off the train. I went to the only store and bought a new belt. Taking it off to go to bed, the new belt broke. I have to go visit clients today with a shoestring holding up my pants. FML

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By Des

Today, it’s been 3 weeks since I had an interview for an internship this summer. I’ve applied to over 40 internships over the past 6 months, and this was the only interview I’ve had. I banked my entire summer on this. FML

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By not saying it was whores, but... - United States

Today, I accidentally belched at the dinner table. At age 22, I got sent to my room with no dessert by my parents. FML

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By overachiever - United States

Today, I proudly informed my boyfriend that I am now a size 4, down from an 18, after months of dieting and exercising after he told me he would like me to be a size 6. He broke up with me for "not listening to what he wanted" and "being an overachiever". FML

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By misc - Netherlands

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

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By Olorin - Germany

Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 20:02 - Australia

One-sided

Today, after I spent quite some time getting thoughtful gifts for my friend and her kids ahead of their visit, she made a big fuss about how she'd "forgotten" to bring the gift she'd bought for me. Later, she casually admitted that she'd intentionally not bought me anything because she, "didn't think I'd need it." FML

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By Messiahman - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

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By Drewbie - United States - Park City

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

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By lft - United States

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

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By Jilly - Australia

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

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By noname - France

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

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By nopissleft - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

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By FrozenD - Canada

Today, my furnace and all of my heating systems broke down. A fridge is 3 degrees Celsius; it is now 2 degrees Celsius in my house. I would be warmer in my fridge. FML

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By Rella

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the 69 position with me on top and as we changed positions, and I turned to face him, I saw toilet paper on his face that he didn't seem to notice and that I casually had to wipe off his face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

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By AvocadoPurse

Today, my mother-in-law took a phone message on the back of my marriage license. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 17:00

Money hole

Today, my uncle kept his promise and left me his holiday house in his will. What he didn’t tell me was it’s been unmaintained for 14 years and is unfit for human habitation, has 2 mortgages, and now it and all its issues are now mine. Old, dead bastard. FML

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By birthdayfun - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML

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By how - United States - Crozier

Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Auburn

Today, my neighbor finally password-protected his wifi. Right in the middle of my timed, online exam. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home she thanked me over and over again and then said "thank god you have no life!" FML

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By Lee - United States

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

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By lucky?

Today, some wisenheimer hacked my Facebook account and posted that I just won the Powerball. I now currently have 284 "friend" requests and 142 tags as "family". FML

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By Sudoc

Working too hard!

Today, after spending 6 hours straight working on a project at school, I decided to call it a night. The instant I set foot out of the lab, the building started screaming. The maintenance guy had set the alarm without telling me. The police had to let me out. FML

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Top comments

By Kizatt | 0

#368832 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:41

That is like one of the funniest FMLs I've ever read

By dandymidori | 0

#368825 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:39

This is hilariously disturbing!
Did everyone realize that you did that?

COMMENTS

By grp1216 | 0

#368813 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:36

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By dandymidori | 0

#368825 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:39

This is hilariously disturbing!
Did everyone realize that you did that?

Reply

SerbianGirl_fml | 0

#456797 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 19:33

Hilariously disturbing. Perfect description. I want to know the answer to that question too, by the way. ?

By Metronomy_fml | 0

#368828 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:40

Just hope that all video recorders and cameras were away by this point, otherwise that's a pretty bad memory to have captured. FYL

Reply

Yuppie | 7

#635594 - Saturday 24 October 2009 4:11

Haha. Good point! I hope so too for their sake.

By Kizatt | 0

#368832 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:41

That is like one of the funniest FMLs I've ever read

Reply

daydreamer84 | 0

#369413 - Sunday 5 July 2009 6:14

ya I agree that is fing hilarious, but poor you!! I'm am so sorry!

By thebigslim | 13

#368833 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:42

That is freaking hilarious! XD Poor guy, guess that means extra sex for the honeymoon.... and years to come!

Reply

jenkins56 | 5

#368843 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:45

But will he be up for it after this? XD
Maybe he'll make you both sleep with no bed covers. Just in case you try to trap him underneath.
TRAUMATISED

Reply

Mc09toofine | 0

#377702 - Wednesday 8 July 2009 4:58

haha #11 you're hillarious!! and OP i hope that if someone did get this on tape that you send it to AFV haha you never know what might happen

Reply

2gether4ever | 0

#968972 - Saturday 27 March 2010 5:09

what does " OP" mean?

Reply

daremetoo | 0

#984996 - Monday 26 April 2010 5:07

original poster.

By SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#368834 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:42

You just made my day with that one. xD

By dinosaursmoo | 0

#368835 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:42

ABAAAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA XD

By dinosaursmoo | 0

#368839 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:44

lol

By grlwitperlEring | 0

#368842 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:44

That's both disgusting and epic win at the same time...

By HondaGirl2010 | 0

#368854 - Sunday 5 July 2009 1:49

Wow.. I can't stop laughing! xD FYL!