Miscellaneous: Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer....

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

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26119

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

All for nothing

The ole answer/forward conundrum

By faen - Norway - Marifjora

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

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13040

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By Kreen - China

Today, I realized that mixing alcohol with my medication causes me to lose my memory. I went to see my favorite band in concert last night and I can't remember a single song they played. FML

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12024

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By jobless - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, after a month at my new job, my boss fired me because I didn't have enough experience. She hired me with full knowledge of this fact. FML

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11869

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910

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By jazzybell - United States

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

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27182

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6663

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By mastermind

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

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2257

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664

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By Mary

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1978

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1333

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By LadyJane - France

Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML

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10160

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By treats - Singapore

Today, I caught my dad eating the dog treats I'd bought for my dog. The only thing he could say was "These are really good, no wonder the dog is so obedient. Wanna try one?" FML

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27233

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By GoulashQueen - Australia - Brunswick

Good food

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

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1726

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461

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By brokeasajoke - United States

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

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35442

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By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

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35044

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By yankeeboy123 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

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38541

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By Chub - United States

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

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26035

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By whyme - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML

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28576

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By guy - Canada - Port Coquitlam

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

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52645

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By anonymous - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

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32079

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2020 23:04

Taste test

Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML

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2314

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219

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By Sun_Kissed18 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

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46383

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

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41301

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By pumboc - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

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51133

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML

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12320

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By gassy - United States - Kirkland

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

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42369

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By MotherNatureMustDie - South Africa

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

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14923

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend's car broke down on the way to the gym, so he called his dad to give us a ride. On the way, his dad talked about how much he hates me and our relationship, as if I wasn’t sitting in the back seat directly behind them. FML

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2951

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190

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By raynbowsend - Malaysia

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

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54165

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By tapeissticky591 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

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12866

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By thatguy - United States

Today, I was feeling proud of myself because I finally quit World Of Warcraft. I later found out about the gift my dad's family gave me. It was a 12-month subscription to World Of Warcraft. FML

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32394

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By UglyApparently - United Kingdom

Today, I told a guy at work about my boyfriend. His immediate response was to ask me if I was making him up. He's the third person to react this way. FML

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30130

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 17:58 - Canada - Moncton

Thanks, babe

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend of almost 4 years completely forgot. FML

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830

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By Anonymous - United States

Planned Parenthood

Today, I got the biggest shock in my life, I'm a mistake, and the only reason why I wasn't put up for adoption is because of the tax refunds. FML

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1665

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116

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By LarissaT18 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

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39505

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

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41766

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4996

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

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24191

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By Amanda

Today, my daughter has been using the "supertaster" excuse to not eat my cooking. To prove to her that she isn't one, I blindfolded her and gave her a bowl of jelly beans, then asked her to plug her nose and identify the flavors. She got every single one correct. FML

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1788

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3822

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By Jeezus - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20197

You deserved it

1632

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By amused - Canada - Toronto

Today, I looked at my bank balance. It read $1.23. That's higher than it usually is. FML

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46451

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8721

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By CreeperKiller2000

Dude! Come on!

Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3990

You deserved it

1154

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By Rebecca - United States - Austin

Today, my colleague yet again misused the word "literally." It's driving me insane. I have to work opposite him and hear him say things like he's just "literally shit himself inside out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24196

You deserved it

5164

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52622

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18014

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By Ican'tgotoschoolapparently - United States - Vancouver

Today, I found out after $200 worth of checks and tests, three rugs being ruined from her peeing and pooping on them, that my cat isn't sick. She just has really bad separation anxiety. FML

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10289

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Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#4079435 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:24

Obviously the universe thought your sex life was dead, so it was trying a little CPR/defibrillation.

"Shit, we lost him! Charge to 300! CLEAR!!" *ZAP*

By fernclogger | 5

#4079433 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:24

Did it turn you on?

COMMENTS

By Llamacod | 11

#4079422 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:22

That sounds electrifyingly fun.

Llamacod | 11

#4079432 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:23

Wow, I was 1st

By choshaki | 8

#4079427 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:22

Ouch! Hopefully it didn't do too much damage

Pentium_4 | 26

#4079449 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:26

only casualties would be a few innocent sperm, assuming OP is a guy

ThisIsMyReign | 4

#4079640 - Friday 24 February 2012 0:36

Is it blanket on the dick? OPERATION!

NiiTeH | 7

#4079647 - Friday 24 February 2012 0:38

OMG! I hope his pants are okay.

blackheart24 | 10

#4079673 - Friday 24 February 2012 0:44

47- haha your temple run pic is awesome, btw my high score is unbeatable.

Sucks for OP. His children are all gonna have twitching issues lol.

FUGYU | 2

#4079699 - Friday 24 February 2012 0:51

Free vibrator! :))

tdawg4200 | 0

#4079907 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:30

Hey #2, just how much damage do you think a static shock from a blanket can give?

choshaki | 8

#4079928 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:34

Hey number 70, it was sarcasm.

taco_bender | 12

#4080016 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:49

Hmmm shocking.

drewfus2 | 6

#4080219 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:45

Dryer sheets, bitch!

qwertsarecool122 | 23

#4080234 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:48

I thought that warm blankets were suppose to make you feel warm in side. Shocking.

shanemaximo | 7

#4080276 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:59

You know if your crotch was traveling at precisely 84 miles per hour at the exact time of the shock it would go BACK TO THE FUTURE!!!

draegbomb | 5

#4080439 - Friday 24 February 2012 3:50

Hopefully it didn't kill his last brain cell

AmongstTheFaces | 5

#4080449 - Friday 24 February 2012 3:53

What the fuck does his brain have to do with his crotch?!?! It's his manhood that is the issue. (assuming it is a guy)

magic103 | 2

#4080763 - Friday 24 February 2012 6:32

It's acually 88 m/h not 84 oh and you need a fluks capasiter every one knows that duh

flipfloperson | 5

#4080871 - Friday 24 February 2012 8:15

I'm not sure if they used a fluks capasiter, but they did use a flux capacitor.

bmboente15 | 0

#4083314 - Friday 24 February 2012 23:07

Maybe some people find your crotch quite shocking. Ba-dum-bum

By lrgenesis | 19

#4079429 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:22

Electric personality OP!

krazykat794 | 0

#4079745 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:05

What does OP mean?

aleclikestacos | 8

#4079759 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:09

Ovulating penis^

bizarre_ftw | 21

#4079971 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:41

Omnipresent Pentagram

btnhdude | 0

#4080190 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:33

Oblivious Person.

Swiftly | 0

#4080197 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:34

Orgasmic Potato

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4080667 - Friday 24 February 2012 5:21

Otter Pudding, don't believe these liars

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#4080720 - Friday 24 February 2012 6:02

It means Othoscopic Platypus obviously.

sr101998 | 0

#4080764 - Friday 24 February 2012 6:33

It means original person

StromyG2 | 10

#4081641 - Friday 24 February 2012 15:07

Obliterated Pussy (you know, because of the electrocution)

lrgenesis | 19

#4088515 - Saturday 25 February 2012 20:21

I love FML so much... It actually stands for Ornery Plainstrider, like the ones in WoW

jonmansheppard | 9

#4094140 - Monday 27 February 2012 3:24

Orgy Party

By fernclogger | 5

#4079433 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:24

Did it turn you on?

brianjman14 | 22

#4079515 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:46

I thought you were me for a second.

Llamacod | 11

#4079632 - Friday 24 February 2012 0:33

No, he has different goofy ass hair

That0therguy | 4

#4083004 - Friday 24 February 2012 20:53

Suddenly, Frank found a new way of masturbation.

dudeman1212 | 22

#4084484 - Saturday 25 February 2012 5:18

42- What's so goofy about his ass hair? :D

By DocBastard | 38

#4079435 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:24

Obviously the universe thought your sex life was dead, so it was trying a little CPR/defibrillation.

"Shit, we lost him! Charge to 300! CLEAR!!" *ZAP*

The_Hitdude | 12

#4079521 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:46

Did you get anything?
No, he's still limp! Wait...
*OP tries to flirt with girl....*
We've got a pulse!
*OP gets slapped*
Oh nevermind...time of death; 3:05.