Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer....

By Anonymous - 23/2/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Instadrama

Extreme late fees

By hail science! - 10/8/2019 16:00

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom. Apparently, my seeking medicinal treatments for my cancer is blasphemous. According to her, I should just pray my cancer away. FML

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By Sebastian20 - 8/5/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

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By BIGCHEIFAAA - 24/4/2013 04:55 - United States - Union City

Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML

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By trp007 - 7/4/2014 03:03 - United States - New Castle

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

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By issue - 7/9/2018 01:30

Today, I tried to get a job at Walmart. My mom was the hiring manager. She turned me down due to lack of work experience. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in first grade and I'm in college. FML

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By OweLotsaMoney - 5/9/2013 15:49 - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2011 10:19 - Australia

Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML

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By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

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By Tony - 30/11/2010 11:30

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2015 15:02 - Australia - Mangerton

Today, while camping, I was given the sex talk, along with visuals created with marshmallows and a roasting fork. FML

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By Roida - 26/10/2009 10:15 - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

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By hk - 20/9/2016 15:29 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

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By grossedout - 8/11/2009 21:11 - Canada

Today, I got home from a small vacation. Before I left, I set up cameras in my room to see if my roommate was stealing my money. Turns out she wasn't. However, she does borrow my personal "adult toy" whenever I'm out. FML

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By 44magnumtime - 6/8/2012 17:57 - Canada - Oakville

Today, some new people moved into the house next door to mine. The previous occupants were very loud and obnoxious day in and day out, so I was looking forward to some sanity. When I went outside, I noticed they'd parked their cars on my lawn. FML

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By LukeyBoy - 9/11/2011 10:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2010 17:12 - Canada

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

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By jeremyr5678 - 18/7/2016 23:02

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

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By NotAnExcuse - 7/11/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

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By pleasedontyellatme - 20/10/2016 15:19

Today, my parents finally took me driving after months of me having my permit. I got yelled at for asking questions. I only needed to know which way they wanted me to turn on the next street after they told me to turn, but not which way. FML

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By - 5/12/2018 03:30 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today my wife came home and said "Before you go into the garage, let me tell you what happened". She was stopped at a traffic light and when it turned green she stepped on the gas, but the truck in front of her did not. The grill was smashed and the car has a 3 inch hole in the bumper. FML

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By pubquizgenius - 27/1/2010 08:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML

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By fuckyouverymuch - 13/6/2013 10:16 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2012 10:02 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I decided to delete my Facebook account. My older sister repeatedly called me in tears asking why I'm cutting her out of my life. It seems I can't get rid of social media without my family taking offence. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 02:04 - United States - Yorktown

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

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By supersplatoon - 8/9/2015 23:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML

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By GroosedOut - 20/8/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everybody that I’m a lesbian, because both of her best friends have at least one gay child each, and she was feeling left out. This explains why people have been treating me differently the last few weeks. FML

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By preggers - 29/11/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I are divorcing because HE had an affair. He now wants a paternity test. FML

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By lauramarie - 23/7/2011 14:18 - Canada

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2011 09:14 - Australia

Today, my grandpa came over to help paint our house, as we are renovating it. The only paint clothes he decided to wear were his underpants. The neighbours and builders found this quite amusing. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2018 09:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, for the 2nd time in a month, I've been rear-ended at a stop light. One insurance company refuses to pay because of prior damage from the 1st accident, and the other won't pay because of new damage not caused by their client. I just want my car back. FML

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By Eric - 27/2/2012 21:58 - United States

Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML

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By WhyIHateTeachers - 25/6/2015 03:49 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I submitted a poem for my English class. I had fun writing it, so I wrote a second which was not nearly as good. My procrastinator of a friend never did his, so I gave him my extra poem. Mine was given a 75% while "his" received a 93%. FML

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By Fredgruff - 9/1/2010 13:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

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By hannamacintosh - 7/7/2016 18:37 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

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By nubs - 27/9/2018 15:30

Today, my dad wants a divorce. I can either stay with my wine-loving mom or move 300km away with my dad. FML

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By wjones - 15/12/2009 15:06 - United States

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

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Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#4079435 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:24

Obviously the universe thought your sex life was dead, so it was trying a little CPR/defibrillation.

"Shit, we lost him! Charge to 300! CLEAR!!" *ZAP*

By fernclogger | 5

#4079433 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:24

Did it turn you on?

COMMENTS

By Llamacod | 11

#4079422 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:22

That sounds electrifyingly fun.

Llamacod | 11

#4079432 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:23

Wow, I was 1st

By choshaki | 8

#4079427 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:22

Ouch! Hopefully it didn't do too much damage

Pentium_4 | 26

#4079449 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:26

only casualties would be a few innocent sperm, assuming OP is a guy

ThisIsMyReign | 4

#4079640 - Friday 24 February 2012 0:36

Is it blanket on the dick? OPERATION!

NiiTeH | 7

#4079647 - Friday 24 February 2012 0:38

OMG! I hope his pants are okay.

blackheart24 | 10

#4079673 - Friday 24 February 2012 0:44

47- haha your temple run pic is awesome, btw my high score is unbeatable.

Sucks for OP. His children are all gonna have twitching issues lol.

FUGYU | 2

#4079699 - Friday 24 February 2012 0:51

Free vibrator! :))

tdawg4200 | 0

#4079907 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:30

Hey #2, just how much damage do you think a static shock from a blanket can give?

choshaki | 8

#4079928 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:34

Hey number 70, it was sarcasm.

taco_bender | 12

#4080016 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:49

Hmmm shocking.

drewfus2 | 6

#4080219 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:45

Dryer sheets, bitch!

qwertsarecool122 | 23

#4080234 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:48

I thought that warm blankets were suppose to make you feel warm in side. Shocking.

shanemaximo | 7

#4080276 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:59

You know if your crotch was traveling at precisely 84 miles per hour at the exact time of the shock it would go BACK TO THE FUTURE!!!

draegbomb | 5

#4080439 - Friday 24 February 2012 3:50

Hopefully it didn't kill his last brain cell

AmongstTheFaces | 5

#4080449 - Friday 24 February 2012 3:53

What the fuck does his brain have to do with his crotch?!?! It's his manhood that is the issue. (assuming it is a guy)

magic103 | 2

#4080763 - Friday 24 February 2012 6:32

It's acually 88 m/h not 84 oh and you need a fluks capasiter every one knows that duh

flipfloperson | 5

#4080871 - Friday 24 February 2012 8:15

I'm not sure if they used a fluks capasiter, but they did use a flux capacitor.

bmboente15 | 0

#4083314 - Friday 24 February 2012 23:07

Maybe some people find your crotch quite shocking. Ba-dum-bum

By lrgenesis | 19

#4079429 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:22

Electric personality OP!

krazykat794 | 0

#4079745 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:05

What does OP mean?

aleclikestacos | 8

#4079759 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:09

Ovulating penis^

bizarre_ftw | 21

#4079971 - Friday 24 February 2012 1:41

Omnipresent Pentagram

btnhdude | 0

#4080190 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:33

Oblivious Person.

Swiftly | 0

#4080197 - Friday 24 February 2012 2:34

Orgasmic Potato

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4080667 - Friday 24 February 2012 5:21

Otter Pudding, don't believe these liars

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#4080720 - Friday 24 February 2012 6:02

It means Othoscopic Platypus obviously.

sr101998 | 0

#4080764 - Friday 24 February 2012 6:33

It means original person

StromyG2 | 10

#4081641 - Friday 24 February 2012 15:07

Obliterated Pussy (you know, because of the electrocution)

lrgenesis | 19

#4088515 - Saturday 25 February 2012 20:21

I love FML so much... It actually stands for Ornery Plainstrider, like the ones in WoW

jonmansheppard | 9

#4094140 - Monday 27 February 2012 3:24

Orgy Party

By fernclogger | 5

#4079433 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:24

Did it turn you on?

brianjman14 | 22

#4079515 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:46

I thought you were me for a second.

Llamacod | 11

#4079632 - Friday 24 February 2012 0:33

No, he has different goofy ass hair

That0therguy | 4

#4083004 - Friday 24 February 2012 20:53

Suddenly, Frank found a new way of masturbation.

dudeman1212 | 22

#4084484 - Saturday 25 February 2012 5:18

42- What's so goofy about his ass hair? :D

By DocBastard | 38

#4079435 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:24

Obviously the universe thought your sex life was dead, so it was trying a little CPR/defibrillation.

"Shit, we lost him! Charge to 300! CLEAR!!" *ZAP*

The_Hitdude | 12

#4079521 - Thursday 23 February 2012 23:46

Did you get anything?
No, he's still limp! Wait...
*OP tries to flirt with girl....*
We've got a pulse!
*OP gets slapped*
Oh nevermind...time of death; 3:05.