Intimacy: Pure animal magnetism

Pure animal magnetism

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 21:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 160

You deserved it 16 873

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Time to flee the crime scene

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 10:00

Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 872

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 269

You deserved it 62 394

By Anonymous - 01/03/2018 19:30 - United States - Greenville

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 048

You deserved it 1 749

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 437

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 26/01/2019 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 390

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 529

You deserved it 2 830

Put the booze down

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 14:01

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 2 085

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 893

Y'all need fiber.

By blondie875 - 26/05/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 519

You deserved it 1 385

Panic!

By Anonymous - 31/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 481

Bookworm257 13

Friday 30 January 2015 8:22

Since it was a one night stand, maybe you can calmly slip out, unlike your fart.

aylind 18

Friday 30 January 2015 8:15

Honestly, how could you not tell it was that kind of fart coming down the pipes? Usually those feel different man. Still, sucks to be you right now. Hope she didn't go ape shit.

Comments

Tyyeezyjr 13

Friday 30 January 2015 8:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

cole_tyler42 21

Friday 30 January 2015 8:28

I would've preferred a "Wow, that's a shitty situation."

Standupmast3r 18

Friday 30 January 2015 9:09

No it's a bit nice to have a shitty pun phrased differently for once.

jazzy_123 20

Friday 30 January 2015 9:55

no, it's a bit nice to stop all the shitty puns for good.

kfchicken 31

Friday 30 January 2015 10:22

the only shitty things here are these puns

MrConcise 34

Friday 30 January 2015 11:23

Comment number one paraphrased: That sucks. Comment number two paraphrased: That sucks. Ya'll are too ******* picky, at least be consistent in your voting. It's all the same shit, #2's comment is even worse than #1's. At least #1 tried.

xninix_fml 36

Friday 30 January 2015 19:25

@37 what should I have said instead..?

MrConcise 34

Friday 30 January 2015 20:22

#67 - Something of substance, instead of being a safe "sympathy" commenter. Yeah, we know the FML sucks, it's an FML. We only occasionally need to say it doesn't suck because it's contrary to what we expect.

xninix_fml 36

Friday 30 January 2015 21:44

@67 Okay I'm sorry. I will try harder the next time I comment.

1dvos_grl3 21

Saturday 31 January 2015 5:04

Wow I didn't know there were rules on commenting. Pretty stupid to get so worked up over a couple of sentences if you ask me.

ChoolyBooly 32

Sunday 1 February 2015 4:29

There are no commenting rules other than the unspoken but understood: Don't be offensive and idiotic rule. Saying that something is f'd up or sucks is another way of showing support that they aren't wrong that their FML is legitimate. It is simple but no worse than The ones saying I am sorry you experienced that. No use freaking out over that.

xninix_fml 36

Friday 30 January 2015 8:12

Wow that seriously sucks. I'm so sorry op.

hugozac88 22

Saturday 7 February 2015 21:20

Well that stinks

Hertyn 14

Friday 30 January 2015 8:13

Run Op, Run!

Steve95401 49

Friday 30 January 2015 8:13

It sounds like OP had the runs.

badluckalex 23

Friday 30 January 2015 9:10

Sounds more like the squirts.

lolfood 24

Friday 30 January 2015 8:13

GUYS DID YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS A SHITTY SITUATION WOW Really though, we need to know what happened next, OP.

orbit 22

Friday 30 January 2015 8:40

It became a one night stand because she kicked him out and said don't call.

aylind 18

Friday 30 January 2015 8:15

Honestly, how could you not tell it was that kind of fart coming down the pipes? Usually those feel different man. Still, sucks to be you right now. Hope she didn't go ape shit.

tranced_ 45

Friday 30 January 2015 16:53

I'm guessing his muscle's were loose at the moment and he couldn't control it

laughingtoohard 14

Friday 30 January 2015 17:32

I thought I was farting and shit myself

ahippienamedrae 10

Saturday 31 January 2015 1:07

You can't always predict sharting. It happens

aureshion 5

Friday 30 January 2015 8:19

i presume this is not the right moment to make a "where will you be when the diarhea hits?" joke. right? because that sucks donkey balls

brieee 23

Friday 30 January 2015 8:19

That was horrifying for both of you I'm sure..

Bookworm257 13

Friday 30 January 2015 8:22

Since it was a one night stand, maybe you can calmly slip out, unlike your fart.

ChoolyBooly 32

Sunday 1 February 2015 4:35

Hopefully if he did or does do that in future one night stands and slip out without a word he doesn't see her later...he might get shamed publicly by the girl and her friends...

Googolman 29

Wednesday 4 February 2015 0:53

"Today, I woke up after a one night stand. There was crap in my bed and the guy was nowhere to be seen."

then000bster 16

Friday 30 January 2015 8:23

He was kind enough to hold it in so there would beano hard feelings. Butt after the romance died so did his luck. I hope she can put up with your **** and give you another chance.