Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while,...

By sixsix - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45997

You deserved it

8591

Favorite

Intimacy

Family values

White line fever

Everyone's an expert

By Noname - United States

Today, I went to an Honors Convocation for my school. I received a letter a few weeks earlier telling me I received an award. Surprised and proud, I invited my family to join me to see what award I was receiving. I couldn't find my name in the program. I was invited by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55543

You deserved it

2920

Favorite

By Kfeaaa - United States

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend and gave him a kiss. I didn't understand why the girl next to him got upset, but it turns out the voicemail I deleted by accident was him breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66837

You deserved it

7540

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31213

You deserved it

3234

Favorite

By nothreat33 - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18992

You deserved it

3712

Favorite

By meghandix89 - United States

Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9611

You deserved it

701

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was woken up by an overly sappy good morning text from my boyfriend, complete with kissy-face images. Before I could text him back, he sent a follow-up. "Oops. Wrong person." Wait, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3878

You deserved it

305

Favorite

By BeachBummer

Today, I’ve been up since 5am getting everything ready for the beach. This is the first nice weekend we’ve had this season. I have a dressed toddler asleep on the couch and grown ass man that refuses to get out of bed. Today it’s 80 degrees. Next weekend is 50 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3879

You deserved it

571

Favorite

By ohjoy - United States

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11023

You deserved it

34437

Favorite

By Shelly - United States

Oh hey how are you?

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12037

You deserved it

46022

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Everett

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42046

You deserved it

8687

Favorite

By dogbait - France

Today, my neighbor's dog bit me, it was extremely painful. The gash in my leg was deep and bleeding like crazy. When I finally got into my house screaming in agonizing pain, my mother said "Quit bitching, walk it off and you'll be fine." My leg is purple now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31844

You deserved it

3322

Favorite

By dacara6415 - 26/8/2020 14:01 - United States

Apocalypse Now

Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1865

You deserved it

129

Favorite

By elizabethyeo - Australia

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10411

You deserved it

46110

Favorite

By Anon - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14098

You deserved it

1667

Favorite

By Vomitoid

Welcome to the Splash Zone!

Today, we had a test in history. My best friend, who was sitting right behind me, had forgotten about it and put his finger in his throat to vomit. It sprayed all over his desk, his pants, and the entirety of my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5164

You deserved it

307

Favorite

By itsjustwill - United States - Puyallup

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36002

You deserved it

2138

Favorite

By emily074 - United States - Salem

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20088

You deserved it

11833

Favorite

By suchagoodholiday - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I've been in Bali for 12 days. We have done nothing but sit around because my whole family is sick, and they won't let me do anything because it's supposed to be a "family vacation". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26831

You deserved it

1764

Favorite

By markderanjer - United Kingdom - Ealing

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34013

You deserved it

3408

Favorite

By Devil's Pigeon

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4165

You deserved it

381

Favorite

By Jololol - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51097

You deserved it

3296

Favorite

By ladyofzanarkand - 20/5/2020 20:00

Not my sunnies!

Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2253

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By -bird-poop- - Germany

Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48809

You deserved it

7510

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12643

You deserved it

50264

Favorite

By Anonymous - Japan - Yokohama

Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38746

You deserved it

4483

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I laugh at how you think this is a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55077

You deserved it

6360

Favorite

By Joel - United States

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17478

You deserved it

69878

Favorite

By WhoNose

Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9595

You deserved it

736

Favorite

By surfernerd6987 - United States

Today, I received an email from a temp agency trying to hire me. Surprisingly, it was the same job I was just laid off from after two years of great employment. They were trying to hire me at half my original salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55016

You deserved it

2596

Favorite

By smellsofeggs - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28972

You deserved it

8429

Favorite

By coffee_princess - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35847

You deserved it

4433

Favorite

By Jopes - United States

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83554

You deserved it

13676

Favorite

By Adan - United States - Monroe

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13626

You deserved it

25080

Favorite

By SmittyJA24 - United States - Lewiston

Today, my idiot sister had to have her aged dog put down, then she posts on MY Facebook page, "RIP, Buddy, we'll miss you." My adult children and most of my friends thought I died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48662

You deserved it

4710

Favorite

By Peekaboo - United States

Today, I learned that the "If I can't see you, you can't see me." rule is entirely false. Just because I can't initially see my creepy neighbor, doesn't mean he isn't watching me change my clothes through the blinds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30889

You deserved it

3855

Favorite

By howtragic - Australia

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33483

You deserved it

3646

Favorite

By ledentist - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29368

You deserved it

2277

Favorite

By baddormgirl - United States

Today, I walked through my college dorm and a freshman was watching some overly dramatic show on her laptop. I smiled and asked if it was a new episode of 'Gossip Girl.' She was on a video chat with her boyfriend. They were about to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14297

You deserved it

47607

Favorite

By The V Sal - United States

Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16064

You deserved it

34206

Favorite

By Whoops

Today, my mom decided she wants to try a new family bonding experiment: Being naked around the house for an entire week. She wants us all to eat dinner, watch tv, etc. completely naked. She says she will ground me and my siblings if we don't try it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5014

You deserved it

232

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By csigabajnok | 0

#242 - Thursday 5 February 2009 6:41

This has to mean you're TOO good! ;)

By JordynAlexis | 0

#979923 - Thursday 15 April 2010 3:15

Arise, fair maiden, I have penetrate thou's divine walls through thy hole that fit thee's battering ram.

COMMENTS

By csigabajnok | 0

#242 - Thursday 5 February 2009 6:41

This has to mean you're TOO good! ;)

By Kreff9 | 0

#1501 - Thursday 12 February 2009 6:48

if she were faking it, she would still know you stopped. I think that the fact that she was still moaning means it was realistic

By SomeMenStink | 0

#2665 - Monday 16 February 2009 17:57

thats sooo not a bad thing.

By greatnt249 | 0

#3995 - Thursday 19 February 2009 19:03

For your sake, I hope the language in your post wasn't your idea of talking dirty...

JordynAlexis | 0

#979923 - Thursday 15 April 2010 3:15

Arise, fair maiden, I have penetrate thou's divine walls through thy hole that fit thee's battering ram.

ilovethatfreak | 0

#984238 - Saturday 24 April 2010 8:46

hahahahah

By youhavenoidea | 0

#7258 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 21:04

i agree w| 11#

EpicFMyLife | 0

#976231 - Thursday 8 April 2010 6:43

I just scrolled up to find number 11. I call this a mini FML

ivygirl | 0

#1066199 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 3:58

you are number 11...

EmreArslan | 11

#3594708 - Wednesday 16 November 2011 17:26

I agree with #11 aswell! Way to go!

By Ximmie | 0

#11726 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:17

Yeah! I've faked every orgasm I had with my ex and I didn't keep moaning when he stoped... So I'd say it was pretty realistic!

jadedwaitress | 0

#980929 - Saturday 17 April 2010 14:31

Man up and tell him how to do it properly. Neither of you win when you fake it.

By pokurfayce | 0

#15551 - Thursday 5 March 2009 3:38

That's not a FML at all.

By nomnomnom_fml | 0

#17071 - Friday 6 March 2009 0:34

Thats not a fail...i do the same thing...it actually feels damn good to stop for a second or two and then go at it again ;)

By fhxokgra99 | 0

#17074 - Friday 6 March 2009 0:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By pandaexpresso | 0

#19950 - Saturday 7 March 2009 20:06

Naww. Thats a good thing.
The senstation continues for a while honestly, it just means you got her really horny...