Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while,...

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

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Intimacy

White line fever

Long story short

Don't give up

By anony - 27/2/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 05:01 - Canada

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2010 12:49 - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

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By SadMother - 4/10/2014 19:52 - United States - South Windsor

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

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By yerbuagalapagos wonder - 6/2/2009 21:50 - Ecuador

Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished, the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for two minutes. FML

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By niceboss - 25/11/2010 02:32 - Singapore

Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML

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By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/8/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

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By Daniel_rules - 17/4/2009 17:02 - United States

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

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By Flooded - 7/1/2010 18:38 - United States

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

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By Noname - 16/3/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

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By mandy - 5/9/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2016 16:10 - United States - Richmond

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

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By thatwasembarrassing - 4/9/2018 15:00

Today, at a dinner I'd been planning for months with my fiancé to talk to our families about the wedding for the first time, he told me he didn't want to get married. I cried in front of both of our families and a dozen of strangers. FML

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By uneducated - 7/3/2010 00:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old Father is the 'Sugar Daddy' to a 20-year-old. He wasted my college funds on her, which I have been dutifully saving for ever since I was 10. FML

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By anonymous - 4/9/2015 04:40 - United States - North Hollywood

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I got a hold of the girl he was cheating on me with. She was as oblivious as I was of each other's existence. Apparently, the fucker told her he lived with his "sister," who's "a bitch and makes his life impossible". He was referring to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

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By shut up. - 11/11/2013 10:36 - New Zealand

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

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By rusrs - 30/3/2012 02:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 21:27 - Canada

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

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By hbt51 - 17/8/2015 19:56 - United States - Blue Ridge

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 07:47 - Venezuela

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

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By shampoogirl - 26/8/2011 18:26 - United States

Today, I finally landed a new job, and thinking he would be proud, I told my boyfriend. Instead of congratulating me, he got mad that my work hours include Saturday, his laundry day. FML

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By HellisLikeTheDMV - 13/7/2012 15:19 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I finally went to the DMV to replace my lost license. After waiting for almost two hours, I casually rummaged through my purse. Something strange inside the lining caught my eye. It was my license. FML

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By friendly_neighbourhood_psycho - 19/8/2011 22:47 - Sweden

Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML

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By PartyPooped - 11/9/2017 13:00

Today, at my school, we finally had the party we worked on for the past week. I was tasked to make decorations and props for a photo booth. I made sure everything was perfect, and I even stayed up until 1 am working on the props. Not a single person used it. FML

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By LockedOut - 25/7/2009 00:55 - United States

Today, my auto-repairman told me my heavy mass of keys was bad for the ignition switch and suggested I separate my house and car keys. I began to carry my car keys and lock the house keys in my glovebox. My car was stolen. I now have car keys but no car and a house with no house key. FML

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By Bamamomma01 - 13/3/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I went to get my midterm essay grade thinking I couldn't have made lower than a B. Got to class and my douchebag professor gave me an F. He wrote "Best essay I read, would've been an A if it was the right topic." I wrote on the Industrial Revolution, instead of the Scientific Revolution. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2014 18:41 - United States - Doylestown

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

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By With_Love929 - 29/10/2012 21:45 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

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By Firstborn - 16/5/2017 19:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I got into a major fight with my parents over my younger brother stealing from me. Their response was to get angry at me for my "tone" with them. My brother is 18 with an obvious drug problem, but my tone is the problem. FML

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By Fangirl#1 - 29/10/2018 22:10

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I was driving to work. I saw a cute boy in the car next to me. To try and look cool, I pretended I was talking on my cell phone. I got pulled over and got a ticket for using my cell phone while driving. FML

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By sadinmass - 13/11/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

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By ... - 27/11/2008 05:30 - France

Today, I was in India. At the airport, the men and women were being searched separately. The guy welcoming us pointed me towards the women's area. I had to explain to him that I was a guy. It took 15 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2013 16:25 - Serbia - Beograd

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

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By Person - 11/11/2016 02:04

Today, my cousin invited me to an event that would be on Saturday night. The first thing I did after she texted me, was ask my mom if I could go. I'm 20. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2019 04:01

Today, I finished my first shift at my new summer job. I've only been working there for 6 hours and they already call me, "The blonde one". I made straight A's in my last semester of college. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 08:23 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2018 01:30

Today, while dropping files off at my boss's house, I tripped and fell into his fish tank. We both watched as a crack spread all the way across the glass and shattered, covering his carpet in fish and water. His only words to me were, "I'll see you at work tomorrow. Maybe." FML

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By Teaching26 - 15/5/2010 07:47 - United States

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

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Top comments

By csigabajnok | 0

#242 - Thursday 5 February 2009 6:41

This has to mean you're TOO good! ;)

By JordynAlexis | 0

#979923 - Thursday 15 April 2010 3:15

Arise, fair maiden, I have penetrate thou's divine walls through thy hole that fit thee's battering ram.

Comments

By csigabajnok | 0

#242 - Thursday 5 February 2009 6:41

This has to mean you're TOO good! ;)

By Kreff9 | 0

#1501 - Thursday 12 February 2009 6:48

if she were faking it, she would still know you stopped. I think that the fact that she was still moaning means it was realistic

By SomeMenStink | 0

#2665 - Monday 16 February 2009 17:57

thats sooo not a bad thing.

By greatnt249 | 0

#3995 - Thursday 19 February 2009 19:03

For your sake, I hope the language in your post wasn't your idea of talking dirty...

JordynAlexis | 0

#979923 - Thursday 15 April 2010 3:15

Arise, fair maiden, I have penetrate thou's divine walls through thy hole that fit thee's battering ram.

ilovethatfreak | 0

#984238 - Saturday 24 April 2010 8:46

hahahahah

By youhavenoidea | 0

#7258 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 21:04

i agree w| 11#

EpicFMyLife | 0

#976231 - Thursday 8 April 2010 6:43

I just scrolled up to find number 11. I call this a mini FML

ivygirl | 0

#1066199 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 3:58

you are number 11...

EmreArslan | 11

#3594708 - Wednesday 16 November 2011 17:26

I agree with #11 aswell! Way to go!

By Ximmie | 0

#11726 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:17

Yeah! I've faked every orgasm I had with my ex and I didn't keep moaning when he stoped... So I'd say it was pretty realistic!

jadedwaitress | 0

#980929 - Saturday 17 April 2010 14:31

Man up and tell him how to do it properly. Neither of you win when you fake it.

By pokurfayce | 0

#15551 - Thursday 5 March 2009 3:38

That's not a FML at all.

By nomnomnom_fml | 0

#17071 - Friday 6 March 2009 0:34

Thats not a fail...i do the same thing...it actually feels damn good to stop for a second or two and then go at it again ;)

By fhxokgra99 | 0

#17074 - Friday 6 March 2009 0:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By pandaexpresso | 0

#19950 - Saturday 7 March 2009 20:06

Naww. Thats a good thing.
The senstation continues for a while honestly, it just means you got her really horny...