Intimacy: Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while,...

By sixsix - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

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46007

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Intimacy

You've got some explaining to do

The old switcheroo

The runs

By Anonymous - Germany - Ammerndorf

The cheek!

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

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51871

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By adrenochrome - Lithuania

Today, I learnt that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

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8872

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43111

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By I must suck at singing - United States

Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML

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40366

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By Anonymous

Today, I posted that I'm having a yard sale and listed a bunch of stuff I'm selling. People started messaging, asking me to send pictures and prices. That's why I'm having the yard sale, so I don't have to post pictures and prices! FML

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1419

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

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80591

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

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77525

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By dramaqueen15

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

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27107

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By embaressed - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

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36746

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By Anonymous - United States - Binghamton

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

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29861

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3413

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By Lukev7 - Australia

Today, was my first day at Military School. When our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood. To which the commander wasted no time in adressing in front of the rest of the room. FML

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45874

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By pissedandcomputerless - United States - Lawrence

Today, I failed on a school presentation because I was not prepared. Apparently, the fact that my computer crapped itself and started giving off smoke last period isn't a good reason for not having my presentation prepared. FML

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44944

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By noluckwhatsoever - United States

Today, after months of job hunting, I got a call back for a position. I was outside at the time and had no pen or paper available to write the address down. I told the guy to call me back in 5 minutes and he agreed. It's been 3 hours and still no call. FML

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13970

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By blacktyaffair - United States

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

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30056

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4040

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By lmiller - United States

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

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26650

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

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26725

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By SadFace - Australia - Newmarket

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

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47699

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By ;_; - Canada - Burlington

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37811

You deserved it

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By Notpunny - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

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18110

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By Mintspice - United States

Today, my friends decided to pull a prank. They told my girlfriend I had cheated on her, which I hadn't. Her revenge? Inviting me over to have me walk in on her with my brother. Our 6 month anniversary was two days away and I got her a trip to Spain, which cost me almost three pay-checks. FML

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3919

Phew, glad it wasn't me

588

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By dancincherrychic - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn't mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

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23851

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By wherefelix - United States

Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

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38014

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By fearofzombies - United States

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

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50202

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By fuck yuo - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML

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21450

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By Pantsontheground - United States - New York

Looking like a fool...

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

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1366

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By headache - United States

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

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35495

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By Lilly_28 - United States

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

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43870

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By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

'Tis the season to be jolly, falalala lala la la

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

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28622

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2867

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By disguested - United States

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

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24548

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By Jayanka

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

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5042

You deserved it

577

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By RDS

Today, I talked to my husband about leaving his parents' house. He said, and I quote, ''No. I don't want the responsibility of paying bills.'' FML

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1707

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

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34009

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By Anonymous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. When she saw the ring, she got so excited that she ran to kiss me and it flew out of my hand, over the balcony of our suite, and fell roughly 45 stories straight down. I could feel my wallet screaming as a £4000 diamond vanished into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3672

You deserved it

473

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By zoosmell pooplord - Norway - Geilo

Today, my boss got angry at me because my English is better than his. He accused me of trying to steal his management position, and implied that I'll be lucky if I still have a job by the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25846

You deserved it

1727

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By Nick Nameous - United States

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

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24158

You deserved it

5261

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By vadoodoo22 - France

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My bestfriend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27819

You deserved it

3222

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By Anonymous - United States - Mcdonough

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

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48205

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By poomaster - United States

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28714

You deserved it

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By mastel07 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19216

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By facebook - Australia

Today, my girlfriend "accidentally" set her relationship status to "single", and 20 of my friends "liked" it, including my mom. FML

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49911

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 02:01

Eco-friendly

Today, my colleague heated 1,5 liters of water, waited visibly impatient the several minutes it took to boil, made himself one cup of tea, then poured the rest down the drain. Maximum amount of time and energy wasted in one go? Check. FML

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Top comments

By csigabajnok | 0

#242 - Thursday 5 February 2009 6:41

This has to mean you're TOO good! ;)

By JordynAlexis | 0

#979923 - Thursday 15 April 2010 3:15

Arise, fair maiden, I have penetrate thou's divine walls through thy hole that fit thee's battering ram.

COMMENTS

By csigabajnok | 0

#242 - Thursday 5 February 2009 6:41

This has to mean you're TOO good! ;)

By Kreff9 | 0

#1501 - Thursday 12 February 2009 6:48

if she were faking it, she would still know you stopped. I think that the fact that she was still moaning means it was realistic

By SomeMenStink | 0

#2665 - Monday 16 February 2009 17:57

thats sooo not a bad thing.

By greatnt249 | 0

#3995 - Thursday 19 February 2009 19:03

For your sake, I hope the language in your post wasn't your idea of talking dirty...

JordynAlexis | 0

#979923 - Thursday 15 April 2010 3:15

Arise, fair maiden, I have penetrate thou's divine walls through thy hole that fit thee's battering ram.

ilovethatfreak | 0

#984238 - Saturday 24 April 2010 8:46

hahahahah

By youhavenoidea | 0

#7258 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 21:04

i agree w| 11#

EpicFMyLife | 0

#976231 - Thursday 8 April 2010 6:43

I just scrolled up to find number 11. I call this a mini FML

ivygirl | 0

#1066199 - Tuesday 6 July 2010 3:58

you are number 11...

EmreArslan | 11

#3594708 - Wednesday 16 November 2011 17:26

I agree with #11 aswell! Way to go!

By Ximmie | 0

#11726 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:17

Yeah! I've faked every orgasm I had with my ex and I didn't keep moaning when he stoped... So I'd say it was pretty realistic!

jadedwaitress | 0

#980929 - Saturday 17 April 2010 14:31

Man up and tell him how to do it properly. Neither of you win when you fake it.

By pokurfayce | 0

#15551 - Thursday 5 March 2009 3:38

That's not a FML at all.

By nomnomnom_fml | 0

#17071 - Friday 6 March 2009 0:34

Thats not a fail...i do the same thing...it actually feels damn good to stop for a second or two and then go at it again ;)

By fhxokgra99 | 0

#17074 - Friday 6 March 2009 0:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By pandaexpresso | 0

#19950 - Saturday 7 March 2009 20:06

Naww. Thats a good thing.
The senstation continues for a while honestly, it just means you got her really horny...