Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, my cat somehow managed to lock me out of my apartment by jumping on the doorknob while I was taking the trash out. I had to call a locksmith, and now it's like my cat won't even come near at me, like I betrayed him for allowing a stranger into our home. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML
Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML
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Top comments
confusedAsFuck 34
Pussy blocked
Pleonasm 35
Laser Pen that bastard into a bin and voilà.
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Comments (189)
Cujo3269 9
Kick the Damn thing. Establish dominance
8born8 18
That only works for dogs, as they are a 'pack' animal. Dogs have a hierarchy with the alpha male at the top. Cats are self centered creatures with no regard for anything except its' own hide.
anonymousy37 5
Throw a blanket over it and walk out...simple
JCxParkour 3
Kick the damn thing out of the way, and I guarantee you he won't do it again.
Bebbo_fml 21
A new meaning to pussy whipped.
sNOOBie_fml 24
Just go. Show it you're superior. You may get scratched, but it's going to learn who's in charge.
Gho5tk3y 17
My cats hate the sound of a vacuum and always run away, try that next to the door. Good luck
Jbyerly 2
You do realize that is a symptom of severe separation anxiety?
ViviMage 39
Get a water bottle or spray/splash the cat
8born8 18
Cats have slaves, dogs have masters. The only truly affectionate & loyal breed of cat that I know of is the Siamese. Most of the time felines only show affection or give humans attention when they want something and can't do it themselves.
JanisEvans 10
My cats are all very affectionate. Treat them right and they are the most loyal companions you'll ever have.
blackonblight 32
Or when they've adopted the human as their parent or child. My calico is such a baby, she freaks out when she doesn't have access to me. 'Mommy's in the shower! That's a whole room away, she's in the house, I can hear her, but I don't know exactly what she's doing, no! Meeeeeee-yuuuuuu! Meeee-yuuuu! Mee*squeak*! ' works herself into a fit. Sometimes I just spoil her and leave the bathroom door open, and she sits in front of the sink and waits happily, so she can shadow me around the house.
thecrazymancan 17
Just call animal control!