Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my cat somehow managed to lock me out of my apartment by jumping on the doorknob while I was taking the trash out. I had to call a locksmith, and now it's like my cat won't even come near at me, like I betrayed him for allowing a stranger into our home. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML
Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML
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Top comments
confusedAsFuck 34
Pussy blocked
Pleonasm 36
Laser Pen that bastard into a bin and voilà.
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Comments (189)
mcrepas 19
One cat, so many recipes.
HeartOfLead 24
A ball of yarn is the ultimate weapon in this situation! Use it wisely.
AriBunBun 7
Get a broom... they're great for herding cats around
afrancis81292 4
punt that son of a bitch!
ColbyGB 13
Just sneak out the window like the good ole days
sashino 2
Wow people lots of animal cruelty going on. Op just needs to get the cat some toys& or a playmate ;)
Alicestraza 33
If OP got a new cat without getting it any toys prior to bringing it home then they shouldn't own a cat.
Xalandra 17
Yes, because toys are the ONLY thing a cat needs to survive... Not food or water, or a litter box, but TOYS! You can own a cat with out any toys, they usually find something to amuse themselves. For my cats it was always milk rings or a chapstick that happened to be laying around.
Alicestraza 33
Well I would assume OP brought food/water bowls and a litter box home. I doubt they're that stupid. But why not be prepared with everything including treats and toys? I know when I got my cat I was super excited that I just bought everything. Plus for new cat owners (when you're uncertain what's okay for them to play with) toys would be useful.
Xalandra 17
Why assume that if someone doesn't have a toy for their animal that they shouldn't have the animal? That's just ridiculous. Toys are not the determining factor on whether you're a good owner or not. Food, attention, and veterinary care are. Toys, not the highest of priorities. The cat will not die without a toy. Your comment made it sound like someone who has a pet but no toys for that pet are participating in animal abuse...
Alicestraza 33
Wow you're taking this was too seriously. My intention wasn't to say if you don't have toys that you're abusing your animal, but if OP has literally nothing to distract the cat with or any means of playing with it? Come on. This assuming its an indoor cat and needs its exercise.
Angelofnv 2
True, but your pets are to thrive, not just survive and they won't always have a human around to keep them company. Don't have toys or a scratching post for your cat? Don't expect your belongings (especially furniture) to stay intact.
lipun 8
sometimes, sweetness adds vibe to daily stereotype life.look at her eyes n u won't think that there is a need to come out of the coop at certain point of time. :-)
brewmasterg 34
When you look a cat in the eyes they take that as a sign of aggression, and permission to maul your face.
jw90 18
Pick it up by the back of it's neck and throw it in the bathroom. Then don't feed it for a few days. Maybe it'll be nicer to you.
CharresBarkrey 16
That's animal abuse. It's probably just scared because its in a new, unfamiliar place with a stranger.
anythingmustbe 18
Pussy Whipped.
ghil15 8
dont be pussy!.. lol