Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my cat somehow managed to lock me out of my apartment by jumping on the doorknob while I was taking the trash out. I had to call a locksmith, and now it's like my cat won't even come near at me, like I betrayed him for allowing a stranger into our home. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML
Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML
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Top comments
confusedAsFuck 34
Pussy blocked
Pleonasm 36
Laser Pen that bastard into a bin and voilà.
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Comments (189)
missd420 16
Before you are ready to leave, lock him in the bathroom with food, water and a litter box.
jl_word 10
Whipped by your pussy
Wiz_Of_Oz 17
And thus began the tyrannical rule of the Iron Kitty.
KaylaTackett 18
It's a cat! Pick it up and put it in another room.
monnanon 14
so speaks someone who never owned a cat. anyone who picks up a pissed off cat does not value their skin.
karikat826 2
Congratulations, you have successfully found the proper Master Cat to Slave Human relationship that most cat owners strive to achieve. Don't forget to bow to thy feline overlord and fetch him a can of tuna.
blackwidowtaco 31
Sounds like your cat has severe separation anxiety issues. Poor thing.
ThatsJustCray 5
get a dog
WeskersSexslave 15
kick it away but nottoo hard.. or use your window xD
sexySGT 8
U tool
JanisEvans 10
Time for a staring match. You better win.